You Don’t Have to Love Your Mother-In-Law

The relationship with the mother-in-law can be stressful, it can be painful, and can create many conflicts and arguments within the family.

When you meet your new family, things may be different. Everyone gets along nicely, nobody has anything to do with you.

Everything is perfect.

Days, months, and years pass, and you start to see certain things that you didn’t realize at the beginning.

Things that bother you.

Mothers of boys are usually possessive.

No one is above her.

That’s why in the first years of my relationship with my husband, my mother-in-law behaved as her son was her one and only and nobody could approach him. Because of this illusion that she had in her head, a fire war started.

It hurt me to see all these things happening, and I didn’t understand how I could proceed. How can I get along with her?

Things are getting complicated, and heated discussions keep intensifying in my relationship. How much pain and how much suffering this disastrous relationship needs to caused before it’s over?

As a daughter-in-law, I always wanted to express my point of view and be respected. I have always boundaries, and I never dance the way others want. I am a strong person who has a backbone.

Another minus from the mother-in-law in this case.

Either I do as she says or I don’t. And I tried to please her in the beginning. I said that maybe I am inflexible with her.

And I tried for years to be a good daughter for her. Did I get it right?

Nope.

No matter what I was doing, I was not doing well enough for her to be happy.

I always felt attacked by her and not good enough. She was always unhappy with me and how I behaved toward her.

Honestly, even to this day, I don’t understand what she expects from me. Oh, I know what she wanted from me. There is only one thing.

Accept all the crap from her. No matter what she does or says, I have to accept it and to not say a word about it. If it’s so, I will get punished.

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Honestly I don’t care anymore about her imaginary games that she has in her mind.

For a relationship to work out it needs 2 people, not just one. And, yes I don’t have to love my mother-in-law. I’m allwoing myself to be free from this ‘’mandatory task’’. Love cannot be forced.

I realized at some point how much I was hurting myself because of this situation.

I was frustrated, in pain, and feeling hopeless. I didn’t want to have any war, especially with my husband’s mother.

I always asked myself: “Why me, God, what did I do wrong?”

God does not give me lessons to punish me but to help me progress on the path of my life

I looked for all kinds of methods to reconcile. None of them worked. I spoke nicely, I opened up to her, but nothing. Cold as ice.

The actions remained the same. Nothing changes, and I felt that the pain was pressing me harder and harder each and everyday.

To be honest with you, the pain was so big that there was a moment when I was afraid of getting sick. I was in total agony.

Until I realized that the only thing I can do to is to forgive. I forgive because I deserve peace not because she deserves my forgiveness.

I forgive.

With all my heart and I will free myself from the prison of pain and suffering.

I changed the trajectory and the results were fantastic. The pain was to hard to handle, so I gave it to God.

I know how it feels when someone doesn’t want to accept you. Indirect or direct actions are telling you that your are not welcomed in their heart. And that is ok. This doesn’t means that you are not enough. It means that they can’t do it. And that is all.

My mother-in-law has never changed, but I have freed myself. I’m not having any expectations from her . It’s what it’s and it’s what is not. For me it’s better not to hold grudges.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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