Your Dating Life Can Teach You a Lot About Yourself

Something about dating is self-validating because it shows you that you are amazing. If you are actively in the dating scene, this illustrates that people in the world see that you carry value and are not afraid to be yourself.

I have learned more about the traits I do not want to keep around with me more than traits or habits that I want to adapt more into my life.

I started out as a shy introvert who could communicate best through texting and elevated my game to someone who goes out looking to experience life for all the right reasons.

It was a bumpy road at first, but I am here to assure you that if you’re open to change and experiencing some pain, you will grow exponentially compared to doing everything on your own.

Dating in high school

In high school I had a longing for a relationship, but never quite built up the courage to ask a girl out, but ended up being a really good “friend”. Gentleman you know what I’m talking about. The “friend zone”. That was me.

Everyone seemed to either be hooking up or in a happy relationship. On top of being put into the friend zone, I was a total virgin. I had little clue on how to be smooth or approach girls in school. It was frustrating and I felt like I had no attractive traits or game.

My confidence was not where I wanted it to be.

Dating after high school

Post-high school, I joined the Army. After returning home from basic training and AIT (advanced individual training), I had the most success with women that I ever had in my life.

My life would soon be filled with DM’s from multiple girls and plans to hang out. This was about the time when Tinder was blowing up. Instantly, I was hooked. The app made it so convenient to meet women and go on dates.

My sales experience prior to joining the Army allowed me to go out, meet a nice girl, build rapport, and close the deal with either a phone number or some plans.

The dating scene consumed me, but it was thrilling. I booked multiple plans for the week and it felt like I was booking appointments for my sales job.

This was a fun little game. I had finally gotten out of the “friend zone” and learned how to talk to females.

Some dates would be simple like coffee or the movies. Others would be spontaneous like 12 hours in downtown Chicago or a photoshoot I surprise the girl with.

Having “flings” aren’t necessarily bad

A fling is a casual relationship between two people which involves a sexual or nearly sexual relationship without the necessary expectations of commitment normally present in a formal romantic relationship.

When I talked to girls the most, I had some medium-length “flings”which lasted anywhere between 2 months and 7 months. Other girls I’ve talked to ended shortly after the first date.

The great thing about flings is that for that period of time, the person you are having it with becomes your best friend and everything feels right.

In the winters, the scene was Netflix dates. In the summers dates would involve going to concerts, city events, or even hiking.

I have had girls come over and meet my parents although we weren’t even in a relationship. This may seem like a big no no for many reading this, but it never felt weird.

By simply introducing a girl to my parents made me happy because my parents love to have guests over and meet new people that I bring into my life.

Here and there, my dad will ask me about a particular female and wonder why we don’t talk anymore. Life happens and feelings change. You just have to roll with the punches and not get too worked up. There are tons of fish in the sea my friends.

I grew up in a military family and inviting new people into our lives is just what we’re used to. We can learn so much from one another and leave good impressions on one another that can last a lifetime.

I will never forget how one of my dates educated my mom about her personal skin care routine. My mom was so eager to learn! Another date cooked dinner for my entire family and food always makes them happy.

It’s not all about sex.

At the time of my early 20’s I had no clear idea of what I wanted. However, I did know that I did not want a long-term relationship. Soon at least. I wanted to have time to self-discover and find out the type of person I am before commiting to someone else.

The reason I don’t want a long-term relationship yet is because I’m addicted. I am addicted to the journey of personal growth.

I strive to be a well-rounded person and through dating, I have cut down on bad habits and reinforced good habits.

At every corner of dating there is a lesson to be learned, you just have to be willing to adapt.

We are never going to know for sure if the person is our optimal partner for life. I find that it is important to ask yourself questions like am I happy? Do I go along with everything or do I get to make decisions too? Are we going to work out ten years from now?

Personal growth is a bonus when you actively date

After dating constantly for a few years, I speak up about issues instead of holding them in and acting passive aggressive.

Ever since middle school, I’ve been a very creative person and the support I’ve had from dates has pushed me to venture out more which has built up my confidence.

I also stay true to my personality because it has attracted women and is natural to me.

If you are doubting yourself, you can listen to Gary Vaynerchuk about self awareness and make changes you need to from there.

I used to think that being a goofy extrovert would come across as obnoxious, but I learned that it could make a girl laugh and lead to deep conversations.

Many of the girls I dated for a brief amount of time remain acquaintances and there is no bad blood. We simply moved on with our lives.

I feel as though a girl and I would both benefit from the “fling” because we stepped out of our comfort zones to accept someone else’s habits, opinions, and hobbies into our own life. These changes allow us to grow.

Live your life peacefully and happily in the way you believe it should be. Just don’t forget that you can still be a huge part of someone else’s life even if they don’t end up to be your life partner.

It can be a brief relationship that leads to a long-lasting friendship as long as communication is crystal clear and boundaries are understood.

After dissecting my dating life, I have found that I seek discomfort and seek to grow in all kinds of ways. You can too. It’s never too late to get back into the dating scene.

Taking risks and starting relationships are great ways to grow. If you seek a significant other, you can try putting yourself out of your comfort zone more and talk to new people.

The likelihood of you finding the right person for you depends on how many chances you’re willing to take. The world is your oyster.

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This post was previously published on Change Becomes You and is republished here with permission from the author.
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