You’re Cheating. Here’s Why You Have to Tell the Truth

You’re cheating, and you’re ashamed.

You desperately want to tell the truth, but your lips remain sealed. After all, you don’t want to hurt your partner.

However, refusing to be honest about cheating could be just as bad or worse than the infidelity you committed.

Note: Refusing to air the truth is cruel.

Let’s face it. Your cheating was selfish. Don’t make the same mistake by covering up the truth.

For example, every minute you keep your secret hidden, you’re robbing your partner.

You’re stealing their right to information that could give them understanding. You’re stealing their right to know exactly where your relationship stands. You’re stealing their right to choose how to react to your actions.

You made the mistake, and it’s not fair for them to suffer for it.

There’s a price to pay for speaking the truth. There is a bigger price for living a lie. — Cornel West

Why your cheating is mostly your fault

Maybe you believe it was a “moment of weakness” that set your cheating into motion. Nope. Don’t you dare believe that “moment of weakness” thing.

That moment was a long time coming. You just didn’t realize it. The truth is your cheating has more to do with you than anyone or anything else.

For example, Newsweek cites information from Dr. Ramani Durvasula and couples therapist Dr. Eve Kilmer, who list reasons cheaters cheat. They include the following traits:

a longing for increased social standing
a low level of self-confidence
a desire for excitement
a lack of impulse control
an inability to be emotionally vulnerable

Obviously, the list above is by no means complete, as many other physical and emotional reasons cause infidelity.

“There is no such thing as an affair that doesn’t mean anything.” — Amanda Robson

However, what you need to understand is that your unmet needs or uncontrolled cravings don’t just affect your relationship. As a matter of fact, they infect every aspect of your life. For instance, at this very second, it’s likely the unresolved issues that led you to cheat are taking a toll on your relationships with coworkers, friends, and family. Worst of all, they’re impacting your ability to find true peace and happiness.

“If you realize that you’re the problem, then you can change yourself, learn something new, and grow wiser.” — Robert T. Kiyosaki

The kindest way to come clean

Practice what you’re going to say.

That old saying that the truth will eventually come out? It’s true. So get ahead of the game and control the damage. Even though the pain your partner experiences can’t be avoided, it can be reduced by carefully planning what you’ll say and how you’ll say it. Practice in the mirror till your words feel right. Write out what you want to say beforehand. Try your confession out on a trusted friend and see what they have to say.

Let your partner get angry, and be humble when they do.

As important as it is to practice what you’ll say, it’s just as important to be ready for the backlash.

Sharing the truth of your cheating will elicit a landslide of tears, anger, or both. You need to be ready for this, so remember to be humble and “take the beating.” You made this mess, so promise to let the person you’re confessing to vent.

They’ll say things that will make you defensive or angry. Let them.

They’ll tell you to leave. Make your way out the door.

They’ll make a beeline for the door. Don’t stop them.

Your confession is a massive dose of suffering for them to handle, so say your peace, listen to them if they want to talk, and let them direct the course of action.

You did your thing. Let your partner do theirs.

The bottom line:

Former U.S. President James A Garfield says:

“The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.”

Yes, it’ll be devastating to admit your betrayal. It’ll also be devastating for you to see your partner’s pain.

Nevertheless, you owe it to yourself and them to spill the beans.

Here’s hoping you’ll make the right choice.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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