Marie Crosswell defines terms that may be new to you, but are becoming more common as people redefine their desires, or lack thereof.
Asexual. Allosexual. Sensual attraction. Gray-sexual. It’s not just about homo- or bi- or hetero- any more.
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An asexual is someone who does not experience desire for partnered sex with other human beings, directed at specific individuals in the form of sexual attraction. Two other asexual-spectrum identities are demisexuality and gray-asexuality.
A demisexual is a person who does not experience desire for partnered sex, directed at a specific individual they are attracted to, unless and until they have already formed an emotional bond with someone. Without that emotional bond, whether it’s romantic or not, a demisexual is essentially asexual.
A gray-asexual is someone who does experience sexual attraction but very rarely or who experiences sexual attraction but never/rarely wants to actually go through with sex. Other variations of gray-asexuality include people who only experience sexual attraction in very specific circumstances that don’t regularly occur and people who experience sexual attraction regularly but have an extremely low libido.
Some asexual-spectrum people use the term “allosexual” to describe anyone who is not asexual, demisexual, or a gray-asexual; i.e., people who regularly experience sexual attraction/desire for others. The prefix “allo-” simply means “other,” so allosexual is a descriptor for someone who is sexual toward other people. The term has actually been used in sexological and zoological research for at least ten years.
Some asexuals experience romantic attraction, which they describe as the sensation of “falling in love” with someone in a way that is distinct from emotional attachment to friends and family, and these romantic asexuals usually identity as heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, or panromantic, based on the gender(s) they’re romantically attracted to. Some asexuals do not experience romantic attraction and identify as aromantic, while others have absolutely no use for the concept of romantic attraction/orientation one way or another and do not identify with any romantic identity term.
In addition to romantic attraction, the asexual community recognizes other forms of attraction that can exist separately from romantic and sexual attraction: intellectual attraction, emotional attraction, sensual attraction, and aesthetic attraction. Emotional attraction is not about romance and can fuel a desire for any kind of close relationship. Sensual attraction is about wanting physical, nonsexual touch with someone else. Aesthetic attraction, beyond recognizing someone as good-looking, is the feeling of being attracted to someone’s appearance without a sexual element. Intellectual attraction is an attraction based on someone’s intelligence, way of thinking, and knowledge and can happen between colleagues, friends, mentors and their protégés, teachers and students, as well as partners.
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An asexual can be a libidoist or a nonlibidoist. Asexuals who have a sex drive, or libido, experience it as a self-contained, free-floating drive for genital stimulation/orgasm that can be satisfied through masturbation. Their libido is not connected to any kind of attraction or desire for other people. This is akin to the other physiological drives of hunger, thirst, and the need to sleep: it is a bodily need that can be satisfied independent of human company. A libidoist asexual does not naturally connect their sex drive to the idea of having sex with other people. Having a libido or not having one does not make a person any more or less asexual, nor is an asexual with a libido more likely to be comfortable with partnered sex than one without a libido. Asexuality, like every other sexual orientation, is about who you want to have sex with, not how often you desire sex.
Asexuals have come to understand the distinctions between sexual attraction, sex drive, and arousal and the ability of each element to happen in isolation without the others. Sexual attraction is a desire for partnered sex that is directed at another person. Sex drive or libido is the body’s appetite for sexual stimulation or release, the frequency at which a person wants and needs sex, or in the case of libidoist asexuals, masturbation. Genital arousal, which expresses itself as a penile erection or vaginal lubrication, is an involuntary physical response that usually happens as a result of sexual stimulation, either physical or mental. Sex drive and arousal do not depend on sexual attraction to occur. (Indeed, arousal can happen to a person even when they strongly do not want to have sex, including during rape and other forms of sexual assault.) Asexuals can have a sex drive and can also become aroused, without actually experiencing any desire for partnered sex (sexual attraction).
Coming Up: A New Relationship Dictionary
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Extended original published at The Thinking Asexual-The Basics
Also by Marie Crosswell: Life Partner is Not Synonomous with Romantic Partner
—Photo Speaking Latino/Flickr
You might want to make it clearer that demisexuals don’t experience sexual attraction before a bond is formed. The way it’s phrased now makes it seem like they’re just uninterested in partnered sex w/out knowing someone they are attracted to. (esp if you’re going to define asexuality the way you are)
Maybe define “asexual spectrum” on it’s own. (apart from the definition of asexual)
And you also might want to mention that romantic orientation isn’t just for asexuals. People of any orientation can have mixed orientations… aromantic pansexual, biromantic heterosexual, heteroromantic homosexual, etc.