There’s more to being a man than football, guns, and hot rods.
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When someone asks me if I had seen the Buckeyes (college football game) over the weekend, I usually reply, “I’m from Chicago; I never heard of that band.”
Frequently, this gets an amused smile or an infrequent hearty laugh. But once in a while, I get the incredulous look. You can almost hear their brain wanting to ask, You don’t like football?
Yes, I’m a guy. A 39-year-old male. And a fit one at that. I consider myself in shape, especially at my age, but I’m just not into sports.
Actually, there are quite a few things I’m not into, that I’m supposed to be. While I appreciate attractive cars, and would prefer not to own an ugly one, I’m not a car nut. I don’t know anything about engines, repairs, boosters, nitro, rims, zero-to-sixty, or handling.
I don’t care about monster trucks, race tracks, getting dirty, drinking crappy beer, wearing sweatpants out in public, getting loud in a party, or yelling weird things at female strangers.
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I’m also a peaceful person. I’m anti-war and for responsible gun-ownership. I like a peaceful co-existence with my neighbors and desire for a compassionate, gentle world. I cringe seeing MMA shows like UFC.
So when guys start chatting me up about calibers and semi– this and automatic– that, I have little idea what they’re talking about. I mean, I understand that bigger calibers are more deadly (and noisier), but I just don’t care.
This is hard on me. I don’t care about monster trucks, race tracks, getting dirty, drinking crappy beer, wearing sweatpants out in public, getting loud in a party, or yelling weird things at female strangers. I don’t understand this behavior, nor do I relate to the stereotypical interests.
It’s one thing to have different interests, and not liking the same thing that the guys do. But the gender role of feeling like I should like those things, this is the hard part of having different interests or alliances.
Guys who don’t like football, guns, and hot rods are often called names by other men. They’re shunned as “part of the gang,” and are seen as sissies. They aren’t considered manly.
Being a man isn’t about the loud stuff or the messy stuff.
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I might not be good with a wrench or ratchet, but there are many things I am good at. There are ways to being a man besides being boisterous with showmanship. I don’t have to have a loud bark to stand my ground; I can protect my family with a certain glare. I can woo a girl without invading her space. I can enjoy competition on a pool table instead of a field.
Being a man isn’t about the loud stuff or the messy stuff. Not that I’m against ammo, hockey or demolition derbies. I just hate the idea that I have to fake it to fit in with the guys at the barbecue.
Stereotypes and gender roles exist even in manhood, and I hope that all of us fakers can start being authentic men … without being called “queer.”
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Photo: Flickr/Antoine Valentini
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Man. Lots of great comments here! G, DJ, Mostly. This is the face of masculinity and of being a man. Confidence in who you are and be. What you like and who gives a fig if it isn’t what they like. Also, like G saidsaid, the moment we asked for support after the age of 7 the insecurity of not knowing the right answer gets cast in stone. And it carries over all your life for most. I hate sports. Hate the Pats more than sports.:) lovelove to cook and watch stories considered chick. And your point about that is… Read more »
The measure of a man is not found in what he does, what he likes, but his confidence in doing so. I enjoy love stories, does that make you wince? I also grew up in the male sports environment, was a Marine Corps Sgt., Study Karate, and fought in the ring. I don’t really watch sports these days, but have better pursuits (Patriots not withstanding of course…I am still from New England after all). Am I less a man because my resume includes, The Notebook? Would seem so with some of my old friends. Does not bother me at all.… Read more »
I am a woman, and am INTO your letter. It’s wonderful, REAL, and sensible. I’m so sick of gender stereotypes. We are people with myriad likes and dislikes. We have the right to be the person we want to be, regardless of gender, world view of how we “should” be because of gender.
MAN, I just love your letter.
You protect nothing more than unicorn dreams and sparkle jaźz hand karaoke memes with a glare.
It is why SWAT is not deployed with grumpy facial cues to solve a hostage situation, or why cops are not standard issued a scowl
Ps I don’t care for tv sports either, and I will never let a woman in MY kitchen.
boris, not even to clean up or do he dishes?
“Guys who don’t like football, guns, and hot rods are often called names by other men. They’re shunned as ‘part of the gang,’ and are seen as sissies. They aren’t considered manly…There are ways to being a man besides being boisterous with showmanship. I don’t have to have a loud bark to stand my ground; I can protect my family with a certain glare…Stereotypes and gender roles exist even in manhood, and I hope that all of us fakers can start being authentic men … without being called ‘queer.'” I would argue that what you speak of is as much… Read more »
Most men cannot be authentic, because they are too insecure.
Most men cannot be authentic because they were not allowed or supported to be secure.
“authentic” of course meaning “how I want them to be”
Right, Nikole?
No, of course not. “Authentic” means how YOU, Jax, want them to be.
“Most men cannot be authentic, because they are too insecure.”
If a man is not authentic -first and foremost to himself- then he almost certainly will be insecure.
Well said, Mostly_123!