Everybody pees in the pool?
Come on now. No way.
If you don’t know what we’re talking about, you’re lucky. You may want to just close out of this post right now in order to remain blissfully ignorant. Hold on, I’ll give you a second. Go read something fun, like Dr. NerdLove…
Okay so you’re still with me. See, a few days ago multiple gold-medal winner Ryan Lochte (also known as “The Guy Whose Dimples Make Women Around the World Drop Their Panties”) admitted that he pees in the pool. The Olympic pool.
US Magazine quotes Lochte’s interview with Ryan Seacrest:
“Of course,” Lochte told Seacrest. “I think there’s just something about getting into chlorine water that you just automatically go. [I didn’t] during the races, but I sure did in warm-up.”
So, yeah, that’s gross. But I placated myself by repeating that he was undoubtably one of the only swimmers who does this. I assumed a fall-out would follow with Olympic swimmers saying, “Dude, that’s sick! Use the urinal like everyone else!”
Instead, Michael Phelps, bro-extraordinaire, came to his teammate’s side. The Wall Street Journal blogs got Phelps to admit that he, too, discolors the pool water from time to time (see video above, scoot forward to about 3:00):
Fellow Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte caused a bit of a stir recently when he reportedly said that he has, on occasion, urinated while in the pool; Phelps, however, suggested that it was no big deal. “I think everybody pees in the pool,” Phelps said. “It’s kind of a normal thing to do for swimmers. When we’re in the water for two hours, we don’t really get out to pee.” He added “Chlorine kills it so it’s not bad.”
I have to tell something to Michael Phelps, and it’s important. Urine starts out sterile. It’s not the “livingness” of the urine that’s gross. It’s the urine-ness of it. And the urine-ness of it doesn’t get killed. Diluted maybe…
And lest you think this is a man-only habit, Carly Geehr stood up for team pool-pee. Newser quotes:
His views are confirmed by Carly Geehr, a former member of the US national swim team. “Nearly 100% of elite competitive swimmers pee in the pool. Regularly. Some deny it, some proudly embrace it, but everyone does,” she writes at Slate.
And so, as I always do, I turned to Facebook to ask my trusted friends their thoughts. I feel a little bad that Lochte is being publicly mocked for everything, including his poor mother saying he only has “one night stands” when she actually meant that he only takes girls out once because he can’t commit. I feel bad he’s become the poster boy for cheesedickery. He really hasn’t done anything wrong. In an Olympics where athletes are getting booted for Tweeting racist jokes, doping, and not showing up for practices, Lochte’s just being a charming young man… in a diamond grill.
I can always count on one of my best guy friends, Tim—a man I’ve known since he was born one week after me, a man whose mother bathed us together in the same kitchen sink when we were toddlers—to tell the truth. Not to mention, Tim is a competitive swimmer. Both indoor and outdoor. I expect Tim to pee when he’s swimming across the Chesapeake Bay (yes, he did that). Who cares? The crabs don’t care. But the pool?
Ugh. It’s over for me. The illusion has been shattered. The pool is full of pee, people.
Now, as I pull on my own lap suit and search everywhere for my eternally-lost goggles, I’m starting to wonder if I need a new hobby.
What do you think? Is it only Olympic and elite swimmers who pee in pools? Or am I the only one who doesn’t?