My cousin’s husband sent me, “Here’s To All The Good Men” over on Salon by psychotherapist Mary Kelly in which she makes the point that the vast majority of the men she knows and sees professionally are good.
“These men love their wives, oh how they love their wives. The men who come into my office are anxious and willing to learn how to make their marriages better and their spouse happier. They have a strong desire to provide financially for their families and they work hard in jobs they don’t like in order to do this. They love sex, but they also love touch and snuggling and hugs and gentle words of affirmation.”
She goes on to make clear that even among celebrities we are unfortunately obsessed with the negative. As a case in point of what real men are like she mentions Seal, the famous musician who is husband to fortunate Heidi Klum.
“Did you know that Seal met Klum when she was pregnant with another man’s child? The biological father, Italian businessman Flavio Briatore, gave up his paternal rights and Seal eventually adopted the child. Of his marriage to Heidi Klum and the family he has built with her, he says this, ‘Heidi is No. 1 at all times, then it’s the kids—as strange as that may sound—then it’s health and career. I think that is the area where people get a little bit confused once kids come in and then the career takes over.’”
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Despite all the negative press out there here words are of encouragement.
“Here’s to all the good men out there. Don’t let the dark shadows of those bad little boys disguised as men cover your light. I know you’re out there, we know you are out there.”
Why is a guy who poaches a pregnant married woman seen as a role model? And why is a married pregnant woman who leaves her husband for another man seen as someone to “make No. 1 at all times”?
And why is a man’s worth seen as highest when he treats himself as second class when it comes to his wife?
Don’t we have enough moral floundering and male disposability in the US already?….
she wasn’t married. he did not “poach” her. so she did not leave husband for him. maybe get your facts straight before you get all high and mighty.
So basically the traditional model, real men sacrifice themselves for women, the measure of a man is how he sacrifices himself for others.
I view women as equals, I view my life and my health as important as theirs and I view the male as sacrifice and work object as a destructive gender role.
The only reason the good of men is even questioned is because we hold no inherent value.
No men are not good by default. A man’s value and worth comes by being a man. This entails raising children from which ever man the woman chooses, this may not be yourself. A good man, as seal says, puts a woman before his own health.
Men should serve whatever use is deemed worthy of labeling him a man. Marriage is the commitment to sacrifice ourselves for women. This is our place. God forbid what happens to men if she deems him unworthy of servitude. This is where the State steps in by force.
Give Seal a MEDAL! He is married to a filthy-rich SUPERMODEL. Gosh, how hard his life must be…what a challenge to stay faithful. Jesus TGMP… are we giving ‘participation’ awards out now? ‘Thanks for not being a dick’- awards. Faithfulness and fidelity are the baseline of someone who is a decent human being… not something ‘special’ or ‘worthy of praise.’ Has honor become so debased that we have as our default setting that men cannot be trusted so we gotta pat ya on the back just for doing the bare minimum (ie. not put your dick in another woman or… Read more »
It is true, both about people focusing on the negatives in others AND that people focus too much on the kids and not the spouse.
The kids will be just fine. Not to mention, they need to see that relationship. How else will they know what ‘right’ looks like?
Seal has been known for a long time to be the guy to look up to when it comes to relationships. Good man.
I don’t think I would go that far, but your partner should still remain important to you after the kids arrive. There are a lot of parents who are so focused on giving every bit of attention they possess on their kids they tend to neglect each other. I love my kids, but I am not going to forget about my wife until they are moved out. If that means I have to say no to the occasional night of chauffeuring, or leave them with a sitter, I am sure they will still be ok.
Let me say this too. Most of the men I know are “good,” and they don’t all behave the same ways.