We’ve created make-believe conceptions of beauty for ourselves, and neither men nor women can ever live up to them.
EDITOR’S NOTE: This post is in response to the apparent paradox posed by “anonymous male” in A Paradox about Men, Sexual Attraction, Women, Beauty.
What’s happened, with men lusting only after the perfect babe, is that the spectrum of beauty through which men perceive women has been seriously skewed by the images of “perfect” women that bombard them. Once upon a time, men would travel by sea to see the great beauty of Helen of Troy.
Today, any weak, flatulent Joe Schmoe can have a sexual experience with multitudes of beautiful women, at any time of the day, without any effort, through porn. Men no longer need to be desirable to interact with a desirable woman. Porn lets men be the village tyrant, taking whatever woman he wants through force. On varying levels, men are sufficed by these “experiences” with beautiful women, leaving real-life women in the ugly pile.
Women, wired to seek approval from men and society, are reduced to competing against each other, while nature was designed to create a platform for male competition. This competitive energy sucks the feminine nature of woman; the parts of her that are so much more deeply sensual and beautiful than any media, sales-based and skewed hacked image could ever capture. Women are robbed of the very sexiness these images are said to champion.
Women’s obsession with beauty has everything to do with men’s obsession with beauty. If men were able to distinguish the truth from a fairy tale, then women wouldn’t kill themselves when they realize they aren’t the princess.
We’re all operating from nature: men—to have sexual experiences with as many attractive women as he can—and women—to play in the evolutionary scheme by wanting the choice of a partner because of our own desirability. Modern nurture and circumstance is messing with our ability to relate to one another in a natural way and skewing our ability to find beauty in real people.
sexy ladies
i like them
In truth beauty is in the eye of the beholder. This article is saying I a man should let someone else tell me what to like. I behold a woman I consider attractive. whether the male to my right or left thinks the same is hardly relevant to my judgement.
Porn For Women Funny Book…
[…] not turning down any opportunities that they’re aware of. Many of them no doub […]…
I’d like to see an article about women who watch mainstream porn, considering i am one, and know at least two other girls who do that too.
“any weak, flatulent Joe Schmoe can have a sexual experience” blah blah blah…. Men no longer need to be desirable to interact with a desirable woman…some really ridiculous stuff about undesirable men being village tyrants…blah blah blah …men are sufficed by these “experiences” with beautiful women, leaving real-life women in the ugly pile.” So are you saying that certain women should be resigned to prostrating themselves for men whose sexual qualifications amount to holding a centerfold one handed? Tell us what you really mean- because you can’t possibly mean THAT. Maybe we should eradicate porn and chop their fingers off… Read more »
I love the gross oversimplifications of male and female sexuality that have been hitting this website recently…
Obviously there are some women who have become conscious of these cultural pressures and are rejecting these fairy tale standards. They came to this conclusion through their own experiences and are now immunizing themselves to the effects of these images. I suspect most women deep down know that these images are completely unattainable, so I wonder what is really going on. If you see these images as stupid and misleading and unrealistic, what prevents other women from doing the same? It seems like this article is suggesting some women have broken out and some women are still trapped. Are women… Read more »
Thank you Ms. Campbell for your spot on post! I see change on the horizon!
Change? What sort of change? Women, at the behest of men like Karl Marx, burned their bras and ignited a sexual revolution. Now the beast is on the loose and some would like it contained. Redistribution of any commodity, be it material or even sexual power is tricky business. Only those at the very top are going to win- the rest are left holding withered picket signs and mouthing empty slogans about “fish” and “bicycles”. So tell us about the change you see Stephanie. If it doesn’t include hordes of lonely Chinese men seeking women from Ms Campbell’s “ugly pile”,… Read more »
“Women’s obsession with beauty has everything to do with men’s obsession with beauty. If men were able to distinguish the truth from a fairy tale, then women wouldn’t kill themselves when they realize they aren’t the princess.” Wow. So, I could just tell a bunch of women what I think is beautiful and they’ll all just internalize it, because they’re only programmed to please me even if the request is physically impossible? Man, this patriarchy stuff is wicked powerful. It’s like some kind of zombie mind control, just like in the video games. I better be careful what I express… Read more »
You’ve fallen down the deep deep hole of man-blaming here. The valuation of women for their beauty wasn’t something men (or women) came up with. It happened because the cultures that emphasised that trait survived better. Equally, its not something perpetrated by men on women, both genders play into it and derive both benefits and negativities from it. Its true that porn has ended the days when a beautiful woman could command kings, but breaking down female power and privilege is at least as important as challanging male power. I think you’re being too pessimistic about men when you discuss… Read more »
“Today, any weak, flatulent Joe Schmoe can have a sexual experience with multitudes of beautiful women, at any time of the day, without any effort, through porn. Men no longer need to be desirable to interact with a desirable woman.” Is there a new rule now? People should only fantasize about persons of commensurate appearance and attractiveness? So if these male dregs consumed pornography that only depicted homely women, you would have less of a problem with that? If attractive male persons view pornography (as I am told they sometimes do) that depicts attractive female persons, would you have less… Read more »
I could not have said it better myself. I thought the “weak, flatulent Joe Schmoe” phrase was very telling. I am not all that weak, but I am definitely flatulent, and I watch porn and play video games. I am average in many ways but not in every way. Am I one of the problem ones or not? I can’t quite tell. I would add that everyone is flatulent to some degree, unless you have some sort of -ostomy bag. On a related note, Helen of Troy may be a very poor example to choose. The story of the Trojan… Read more »
Ms. Campbell-
I completely agree with you. Our culture socializes us all to live up to standards that are completely unrealistic. It’s sad that most people on this thread do not understand sexism as institution-one that permeates all aspects of our lives. Women participate in their own subjugation because they are socialized to.
Well said!
I think there’s a difference between completely unrealistic sexual fantasies and expecting real people to conform to those fantasies. Fantasies can intrude on your individual reality if you’ve lost the ability to distinguish between the two. In that case, there are lots of other problems that guy needs to sort out. Let’s hope he doesn’t learn about driving and firearms only from playing games…. I don’t think fantasies themselves are inherently the problem, even if they are extremely unrealistic. (If you restrict your fantasies to strictly realistic portrayals and scenarios, then what’s the point of fantasy?) I wonder how often… Read more »
Beauty is in the aye of the beholder!
“Women, wired to seek approval from men and society, are reduced to competing against each other, while nature was designed to create a platform for male competition.” I’m sorry, but you are 100% wrong on everything you’ve stated. Men are still, and will always, be the ones competing. Men compete for women, it is the basic nature of everything. How many women are asking men out? 2%? 5%? What is the ratio of men asking women out to women asking men out? 100:1? 80:1? The FACT is that men are still the ones competing, not women. Not only is viewing… Read more »
“Women, wired to seek approval from men and society, are reduced to competing against each other, while nature was designed to create a platform for male competition.”
-If you’re going to be consistent with evo-psych then both men and women are wired to attract and compete for the best mate. The standards are just higher for men, while women can often rely on just natural beauty, men must also have strength and survival skills.
Men are often blamed for societal pressures on men and women. Don’t women have any personal responsibility?
To answer your question, yes… under certain circumstances. Women have personal responsibility when it comes to their successes (i.e this woman is responsible for overcoming the patriarchy and gaining occupational success) but any failure or problem or negative is wholly blamed on men.
If you’re gonna put it that way, I’d say it’s higher for women because if you don’t have natural beauty, you’re screwed. But strength and skills are something that can be gained, not something you have to be born with.
Sarah, In other words those women who don’t hit a certain benchmark will have to initiate if they want relationships. In other words the bottom 30% of women are equal to 90% of men. How sad for them. I remember Steve Byrne having a funny bit about princesses. He calls all the princesses from fairy tales lazy–“no don’t look for love, just sit there. Love will come find your a$$!” If those women who don’t fit the ideals have to initiate more (as men already do) so? Did you really think that every changing gender role was going to be… Read more »
Absolutely women have personal responsibility but, it’s a societal problem that will effect generations to come — rather than an opportunity to point fingers.
with men lusting only after the perfect babe Do you only hunger after the perfect meal? Do you only read your favorite book? Do you only listen to your favorite song or singer? Of course we lust after perfect babes. (There’s more variety to what individual guys consider “perfect” than you might think.) Like other aesthetic tastes, though, lust is not exclusionary. It does not mean that the look we like most is the only one that turns us on, or that other qualities besides looks are ignored. I believe it’s the same for women, even if looks aren’t always… Read more »
I believe that media images and increased access to altered images have skewed the scale by which we rate/feel about our partners.
I agree that media images have influenced our contemporary notions of beauty, but that’s no really a new development. Before the ‘net, there were TV and movies, and before that, paintings and sculptures, and before that, local dress or customs, all of which “skew the scale” by which beauty is judged. The part I disagree with is your conclusion that as a result of such influences, men lust *only* after perfect babes. How do you make that jump? I assume you have tastes, and that no single taste makes it impossible for you to enjoy or appreciate things that don’t… Read more »
exactly!
It’s different for men to the extent that pornography is a percentage of a man’s sexual experience any given day. Look at the bottom of this link — “More intimate moments with beautiful women” http://www.esquire.com/women/me-in-my-place/lake-bell-photos-1211?click=top#fbIndex6
Americans have this problem the worst. If we don’t fit into a standardized version of beauty, we berate ourselves. I don’t understand why people can’t see that every human being is an amazing work of art? It saddens me a LOT that Hollywood furthers this criteria.
We’re all operating from nature: men—to have sexual experiences with as many attractive women as he can—and women—to play in the evolutionary scheme by wanting the choice of a partner because of our own desirability.
That’s funny. You use the word all, but I’m a man and I don’t operate at all to have sexual experiences with as many attractive woman as I can. Sounds like some serious confirmation bias / pop evo psych BS here.
Maybe there are some very general “evolutionary” tendencies at work. Maybe. But they sure aren’t universal or absolute. Think about how many “unattractive” people have babies and how so many beautiful people have few or none. It would be great if there were evidence that attractive people have significantly more sex than unattractive people, or if attractive people had more kids than unattractive people, but where is that evidence?
Betas get a lot of nookie and spawn a lot of offspring.
Here is the evidence: https://goodmenproject.com/health/how-porn-can-ruin-your-sex-life-and-your-marriage/
Ms. Campbell I would hope that someone who works in Mass media would fully recognize what role women play in their own role subjugation. I don’t buy Cosmo, Vogue, or Marie Clair. I don’t even buy Maxium. All of whom are filled with female writers and Editors telling me who to find attractive and why I should buy what they tell me too. As a survival tactic I use the term Commercially attractive. That way I won’t put the wrong person on a pedestal. Intelligence, grace & altruism are in my opinion the true beauty standards while Commercial attractiveness offers… Read more »
It’s not about women’s roles or men’s roles in the subjugation of women — it’s about what’s happening in society and it’s effects on both men and women.
i didn’t read it honestly but who care if men watch porn or and those women look hotter then the normal women. Women read romance books for the same reason the sexual thrill no man can live up to that. Also women view men as wallets of money its the reason why whores attract to rich men and its why rich men date hot chicks. I myself love porn and i also love women of all races and sizes even plus size women usually don’t go for fat guys but men take whatever they can get
“Porn lets men be the village tyrant, taking whatever woman he wants through force.”
Wait, so porn is now rape? That’s quite a stretch.
In so much that it gives access, often compulsive in nature, to people (not just men) who would not normally be able to have a sexual experience with the woman in the picture. See “Porn Zombies”
If this is not about Men & Women’s roles in mutually degrading behavior then why is this article so filled with insulting language towards Men?
There’s a passage in Sun Tzu’s Art of War that says “Do not fight a retreating advisory because he will fight as if it were his last day on earth.”
Ms Campbell, If the you want to attack men for escaping into a fantasy world then you should at least try to convince them that the fantasy world is unnecessary. If you cant do that, then prepare for the backlash.