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You know the familiar brooding feeling.
Everything’s irritating, nothing works as it should, everyone else is a moron, takes you for granted and the world’s well, just a bit shit!
You worry that this is it and that your moods are going to get worse, the frustrations mount up and, as you get older, you’re turning into another of those crabby bad tempered old men.
Cantankerous, complaining and seized with impotent anger.
You see them all over: middle-aged gits unable to control their whinging, their last remaining expression of control being the spitting of angry monologues against the world and what it’s become.
Your real fear is that it’s an inevitable slope that you’re going down too.
How often do you feel the irresistible urge to just complain, find yourself inexplicably sliding down the dark abyss and hear yourself, as if you are looking at yourself from the outside, going on about teenagers and politics and how crap everything is?
Are you slowly and inevitably turning into a grumpy old git?
Maybe we just can’t help ourselves?
Apparently, our bodies are out to get us and, as we go through our late 30’s/40’s we undergo hormonal changes that can cause what’s been called the male menopause. Dramatic drops in testosterone levels can lead to “irritable male syndrome” (yes, it’s a real thing!) and we are more prone to mood swings and grumpy old man complex becomes much more prevalent.
But, as with many things, overcoming it can just be a case of mind over matter. It is possible to embrace and control your moods, keep things in perspective and minimise the suffering to yourself and others around you.
You just have to start behaving like a mature adult and not a petulant teenager. You have to take control, make decisions and not accept the route that your mind is willing you down. You do have years of wisdom and experience that will give you the tools and strength to get around your moods, it just takes some willpower and practice.
So, in practical terms what can you do?
(1) Accept the misery.
How often do you find yourself pretending, like some overwrought martyr, that everything’s OK and that you’re not really in a bad mood and you just try to carry on as normal?
This is a rubbish idea as inevitably things just tend to get worse, you get more and more wound up as, in your deluded state of self-denial, you aren’t even giving yourself the opportunity to help yourself and put things right.
For god’s sake cut yourself some slack!
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It’s not the getting in the bad mood that’s the issue. The real test of maturity is how you actually deal with it.
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Everyone gets in a bad mood at some point and it can actually be quite healthy and OK.
It’s not the getting in the bad mood that’s the issue. The real test of maturity is how you actually deal with it.
So, first of all, to deal with the damn thing, you have to accept that it actually exists and, once you have admitted to yourself that you’re in a god awful mood you’re half way to sorting it out.
But this isn’t an easy thing to do.
Bad moods are all absorbing, self pitying and emotionally tumultuous. It’s so hard to think straight through the black mist, your judgement is impaired, your clarity of thinking disabled and the rational side of your brain hard to access.
Believe me, it can take every ounce of life experience, every year of development and every last drop of mental strength that you have to take a moment and say to yourself:
“I’m in a really bad mood, now get a grip and let’s do something about it.”
Yay! Rapturous applause – now that’s a real man talking and not a big kid!
And, when you have separated the emotional from the rational, made a decision, owned and accepted your mood and taken some control back from yourself you will instantly start to feel better. You will have empowered yourself, you will feel stronger, more in control and ready to really smack this bastard bad mood in the bollocks for good.
Let’s get on and see how!
(2) Involve someone else.
Lucky them! It doesn’t have to be a big deal but saying to your partner or work colleague or whoever has the misfortune of having to potentially suffer your grumpiness for the day something like “Sorry, I’m in a really bad mood – in fact I’m annoying myself never mind you as well!” goes a long way to fixing things.
Owning and admitting it to yourself is the first step and then externalising it and letting someone else know is the next great move.
(3) Make or mend something.
I think we are essentially hard wired to use our hands. There’s great pleasure to be had from watching things and passively experiencing things but, in many ways, there’s nothing like the satisfaction of getting your hands dirty, doing something practical or mending something that’s broken.
Have a go at doing something creative, make something, knock some bits of wood together, mend a bike, fix the car or put that shelf up that’s needed doing for the last six months. Maybe have a massive tidy out of a cupboard or a room. It doesn’t even have to be that big – just a ten minute constructive and physical activity can work wonders in terms of snapping you out of your mood and giving your brain the “I’m useful again” vibe.
(4) Get off the phone/screen/social media.
Screens are depressing. Social media is depressing. Phones are depressing.
You are just constantly sucked into a stream of adverts, other people’s perceptions, views, and bullshit. Your phone’s constantly nagging you, notifying you of banal crap, demanding your attention for likes and follows.
Switch off the internet.
Switch off your phone.
Switch off the TV.
Go and do something real.
(5) Shout and lose your temper.
Sometimes it’s the only way and a bad mood can increasingly manifest itself in a physical energy and anger. I’ve lost my temper in all sorts of bad ways in the past and nothing good ever really came from it.
The key, I think, is to acknowledge that we often have an inbuilt physical response to stress. Maybe it’s the dormant hunter/warrior genes that just kick in and you just need to get rid of that explosive burning energy somehow.
Firstly, this is OK. It’s nature and basically normal.
What’s not OK is for this physical rage to manifest itself in violence, or other negative outcomes.
You need to find a safe way to express your physical anger/aggression when you are in a bad mood. It might be as simple as taking some physical exercise, pummelling a punch bag or throwing some stuff harmlessly against a wall. But whatever it is, it must be pre agreed, thought through and communicated to others who might be in the vicinity so that they know what’s going on.
It’s OK to get angry, it’s OK to feel physical anger and aggression.
It’s what you do with it that is vitally important and, channelled safely and correctly it can act as a valuable safety valve.
(6) Get out on your bike.
It’s very difficult to come back from a cycle ride in a worse mood than when you went out. Cycling ticks a huge number of “feel better” boxes, it gives you time to think and reflect, gives you fresh air, purpose and physical exercise and is extremely stress relieving.
After a vigorous hour on a bike the world does look like a better place. You feel physically and mentally refreshed and have a much clearer perspective on things. It also doesn’t really matter what your cycling ability is, you can ride for ten minutes or three hours as fast or slow as you like and you will feel better.
To help the process along have a go at pushing yourself so that you are slightly out of breath for a while, fly down some hills with a silly grin on your face, get away from the traffic and explore somewhere new. Stop off somewhere and have some tea and a cake, take your time, smell the air and get things back in perspective.
It really works.
I hope that’s been helpful.
I don’t have all of the answers to a complex issue but I do know what works for me and will hopefully work for others. It’s important to have some sense of self-awareness and try to work out why you are in a such a mood. Often it’s lack of sleep, some other stressful current issue, a lack of time or resources.
But sometimes, for me at least, there seems to be no reason at all. It’s just all bloody irritating and it’s this inevitable feeling of old man grumpiness that I work hardest to control and, if at all possible avoid.
Finally, if you are even slightly concerned that your moods may be connected to depression or any other condition then it’s vitally important that you just bite the bullet and get some professional help. It takes strength of character and resolve to tackle any problem like this head on and it’s the fighters and the strong ones who get the help and get through it.
Life is short and precious and your health has to be a priority.
Let me know what you think. Have you got any experiences in this area that you would like to share. I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
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This was originally published on Road Cyclist’s Guide
Photo credit: Getty Images
