Heartfelt Tips for My Guy Friends

—
We, humans are curious beings. We seem to have a never-ending quest to contemplate and understand what drives the emotional and physical attractions between a man and a woman. It’s tantalizingly seductive and discreet. The nuances of love and desire aren’t always visible, but maturity and knowing what is important to you is key to choosing one person over another as your companion or life partner.

Through personal growth and experience, we learn who we are at our core when we pay attention to the subtle cues in what turns us on and turns our head, and what we find interesting or engaging. For a man, it could be the way she smiles when she sees you, or the way her hair cascades across her eyes when she laughs. Perhaps she turns you on with her mental agility when she speaks about her passions, hobbies, or family. The journey to ecstatic ecstasy—enlightened contentment—can change with life.

We are all attempting to navigate our lives with affectionate competence. Here are a few things I would like my male friends to consider:

Give credence to your personal ideology of masculinity.

Society continues to tell men they are supposed to be warriors, gladiators, and conquerors, to sacrifice their bodies and lives for the sake of humanity. The pressure to fulfill the expectations of society may cause you to neglect yourself and your own ideology. Understand that the stereotypes of manhood have nothing to do with the reality of you. The precept of manhood is changing. Be yourself. Clarify yourself as the man you want to be. Break society’s mold of what a man should be. Know that it is okay to accept your feminine energy. Doing so does not mean that you are less manly; it means that you are a unique human.

◊♦◊

Not all women are the same, either.

Women are multifaceted human beings and, just as men are each different from one another, no two women are alike. Some of us crave the closeness of a committed relationship while others choose to be emotionally distant. Our interests are as eclectic and mundane as yours are, and not all of us are interested in how much money you make and the type of car you drive. Not every woman wants a man to deplete his emotional well while she gives nothing. There are women who want to give as well as receive. There are women who want a companion and not a walking checkbook or bank. Please remember these truths and consider each individual woman accordingly.

◊♦◊

Keep your word.

Silence is golden—except when you speak. If you say you are going to do something or be somewhere, then do it and be there. Assume that people take you seriously when you say something. You have the power to build or destroy your own reputation by your actions or lack thereof: Be the architect of trust.

◊♦◊

Don’t use a woman even if you think you can.

If you are not interested in being in a committed relationship, say so. It may be hard for a woman to hear, but be a responsible man and don’t take advantage of a woman because you think you can when she is interested in you, or loves you. Don’t ridicule or berate her because she exerts herself and isn’t afraid to approach or ask for what she wants; decline her advances unless you’re both aware of what you want—and don’t want. This can help to alleviate any misunderstandings or hurt feelings. WMost mature women can accept that your interpretation of a relationship may be different from hers, so if you aren’t interested, don’t entice her by behaving as if you do. We don’t want to ride on the perimeter for your benefit.

◊♦◊

Being independent is sexy.

You are very important to our lives, but that doesn’t mean that we want you to rely on us for everything. We want to know that you can handle yourself whether you are single or in a relationship. Keep your life in order, your home clean, and your health in check. Show us that you care enough about yourself to take care of yourself. Understand that being independent also means seeking the resources to help you feel better or handle your business. We need you. You need us. We function wholly when we feed ourselves individually. Embrace your independence—that is the sexiest display of courage.

◊♦◊

Life happens. Don’t let the trials and tribulations get you down.

We all face obstacles and are sometimes uncertain how to proceed. However, never underestimate your abilities or resilience. You may falter but remember that you can always pick yourself up, dust yourself off and begin again. Life has a way of forcing you to change directions—whether it means changing your marital status or shifting professional gears due to loss of employment or career downsizing—but don’t give up. Your job or any other external factor do not define you. The wake-up call is life’s way of providing you with the incentive to keep your mind and desire active. You may not be immediately inspired, but give yourself the chance. If you don’t, no one else will.

◊♦◊

Life really is short.

Don’t waste time. Life is precious so be inspired to live it to the full. Say it as you mean it. I don’t mean that you should be curt and live a reckless or selfish existence. Share yourself, your knowledge, and your expertise; you may not think so, but there is someone in your life who is hoping that you will step in and lend a hand, an ear, or your heart. Your presence is beneficial on your path to enlightenment.

—

This post is republished on Medium.

***

The Good Men Project gives people the insights, tools, and skills to survive, prosper and thrive in today’s changing world. A world that is changing faster than most people can keep up with that change. A world where jobs are changing, gender roles are changing, and stereotypes are being upended. A world that is growing more diverse and inclusive. A world where working towards equality will become a core competence. We’ve built a community of millions of people from around the globe who believe in this path forward. Thanks for joining The Good Men Project.