Sobriety porn.
That’s what you call it when you sit in meetings without actively involving yourself in your own recovery, and watching everybody else’s lives get better.
When you’re done, you’re still sitting there, and nothing’s changed for you.
Everybody else had a good time, and you had a good view.
But that’s about it.
In my 25 years of continuous sobriety, I’ve noticed that in Alcoholics Anonymous, as in most things, there are some players, but there are far more spectators.
The players or participants are people who commit to the Steps, sponsorship, service, literature, working with others, developing a relationship with a Higher Power and basically processing the pain their addictions sought to cover up.
Then you have the spectators, who just sit and watch great things happening to everybody else.
That’s just like porn.
There’s something addictive about sobriety porn.
It’s pleasurable to see other people getting on with their lives, succeeding, or generally getting better.
You feel good, at least for the moment.
The feeling doesn’t last very long, and then you go to another meeting so you can get that feeling back.
Sobriety and sobriety porn are as different as sex and real porn.
When it comes to real porn, you find yourself saying, “That looks like fun. I wish I could do that.”
When it comes to recovery porn, the good news is that you can.
Get off the sidelines and get into the arena.
Stop being a spectator.
Start asking yourself, “How can I get in on this?”
And if you feel like you might be interrupting a conversation between two sober people, remember that in sobriety, as in life, everybody loves a good threesome.
—
Photo: Getty Images