My name is Ryan, and I’m an overthinker.
“Hi Ryan. Thanks for coming. Keep coming back.”
There really needs to be a 12-step for overthinking…
I’ve been a little unsure about what to write about this week. And by unsure, I mean I had no bloody idea what I wanted to write about this week. I knew I wanted to write about leadership, but at what angle?
So much of my life has been about appearances. Am I coming across as powerful? Am I coming across as funny? As inspirational? As fit? As a brilliant writer? What have you…
My default way of being for so long is this: it’s not about how it is, it’s about how it looks.
And when you’re painting your life from a palette of how you look rather than who you’re being, that’s not going to get you very far.
How does this apply to being a leader? It’s pretty simple.
My novel has gotten decent reviews so far. I think it’s at four stars on amazon.com.
What a lot of people don’t realize about books is that the book you hold in your hand is usually the after effect of years of writing and revisions. The first draft of a book is never the final copy.
Even every article I write here on The Good Men Project goes through revisions. Granted, I write here every week and I can’t do years’ worth of revisions every week, but the published article is never the first draft.
Getting back to Written in the Stone. Even after months of revisions and editing…readers have still found typos.
I can’t let the fact that my book has a few typos take away from the story and the characters I brought to life.
The fact there are typos in my book don’t take away from my writing talent.
It’s substance over style, y’all.
Another thing that has stumped me over the years is the fact that so many of my female friends are married or involved with men who I’d consider less attractive than they are. I can think of at least five different women off the top of my head – all very attractive, beautiful, brilliant, and loving women – married to men who I’d consider less attractive.
Why are they drawn to these men? Why are they attracted to people like this?
Even I have been involved with women who I’d consider “out of my league…” whatever the hell that means. I’ve outkicked my coverage a few times.
Big picture, I believe the women I’m referring to are drawn to these men primarily because they’re authentic and unapologetically real.
Again, what does this have to do with leadership? What is leader-y about this?
To sum this all up, I had a beautiful breakthrough around this the other day.
My new gym in New York has a pool. And as a kid, I used to live at the pool in the summer. I have never been a great swimmer, but I could hold my own.
I got in that pool for the first time and I could instantly feel 15 years melt away. I felt like a kid again.
I’ve always struggled with my weight. It’s come down a lot lately, but it’s mostly been up.
Outside the pool, there’s a long picture window leading out to the cardio room. After I got out of the pool the other day, I walked down that picture window in my swimsuit.
And it hit me…I didn’t care what people thought of me. Not once did I think “okay, I’m sure these people see me as a fat slob.” I just owned myself on an authentic level! I had confidence and self-love.
For the love of dog! What do all these stories have to do with being a leader?!
I’ve mentioned it a couple times in this article.
The word and the idea is authenticity.
A leader is authentic. A leader is real. And that’s why people are drawn to leaders.
Let’s look at some of the great leaders from business, sports, and politics. Why is Nick Saban seen as one of the best leaders in college football history? How has a nerd like Bill Gates become such a giant in business in philanthropy? Barack Obama? Ronald Reagan? Tom Lasorda? Bear Bryant? Walter Cronkite?
I could go on. Why are these men and millions of others like them seen as such effective leaders?
They are authentic! They’re real. And people are drawn to their confidence and authenticity.
What will you take on today to become more authentic? What can you do to become the authentic man that people love? What will you take on to become that real guy that amazing women adore?
What’s it going to take for you to simply get real?
How can I support you? Slots in Team Ryan Coaching are filling fast. Shoot me an email at [email protected] and we’ll set up a sample session.
I’ve always loved the song by Sting Englishman in New York – probably now more than ever. Though I want to re-write it as Country Boy in New York. Y’know, cuz reasons.
Consider this amazing line from that song:
“Be yourself, no matter what they say.”
If you’re looking for a leader – that’s a leader.
Be yourself, no matter what they say.
Photo by Stephane