We do not choose to be abused sexually as a child. We do not choose to be raped. We do not choose to lose children and/or loved ones to accidents that explanations seem to defy.
As I have lived through these events in my lifetime, I have also lived through the receiving of the typical platitudes of “Everything happens for a reason” and “This will just make you stronger”, or “You just need to let this go” all placed upon my then fragile being, causing these events to somehow become my responsibility. As if my life would have somehow been incomplete had these things not happened.
I call bullshit.
As I recall the many times these platitudes of fake sophistication have been uttered to me, I realize each one was said in an attempt to silence and erase my grief. To make the other more comfortable by not forcing them to look at their own uncomfortableness and woundedness.
Because it is only when we are aware and have accepted our own brokenness, that we can bump into another’s brokenness without fear.
When the unique reaction of understanding and bonding of souls with similar woundedness occurs. When, in the kinship of shared grief that has surpassed all facetious platitudes offered by those who claim to love us, but have also denied us the right to be fully human in our grief, grieving is finally allowed.
When the acknowledgment of pain and grief’s existence is all that is required, as there is no greater act than the acknowledgment of pain, that can be offered to the broken.
To look into the broken soul of another and say:
“I see your pain and I am here. I will stand with you, suffer with you, listen to you and will do everything but something to help you. I will stay present with you, in this pain, for however long is necessary.”
“I know rationalizing, analyzing, or washing away your pain is not what you need, so I will simply be here with you, in the shadows of the horrors you are experiencing, until healing is found.”
“I will not view your brokenness as a problem to be solved or an obstacle to be overcome, avoided, ignored, transformed or brushed aside. “
“I will not deny your right to be human or steal your freedom to be in your woundedness for however long you need.”
“I will stay, even when I become uncomfortable with the uncomfortableness of your pain and grief.”
“I will acknowledge that some things in life cannot be fixed, only carried. So, I will stay with you in this nothingness, silently helping you carry your brokenness, until you are strong enough to carry it on your own. Until you are ready and able to make choices in the wake of your grief. Even when it feels like I am doing nothing.”
“I will not leave you.”
Unimaginable life events happen. We do not get to escape them or the pain and grief they ultimately bring. However, we do get to choose how we move through the pain and grief and how we help others move through them.
The willingness to be present with a wounded soul and enter the space of healing alongside them is the most powerful act of kindness and compassion one broken soul can do for another without ever really doing a thing or saying a word.
By simply bumping into another’s brokenness, without fear, and be willing to stay.
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