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“You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You are not your f****** khakis.” – Chuck Palahniuk Fight Club
Last week I received a phone call that would change my life.
“Would you like to come back to work?”
I’ve been on furlough (from a job I never truly started). I jumped at the chance. 40 hours a week, decent pay, and Monday and Tuesday off. I mean, not OFF, off…but not having to go into my job.
I was ecstatic! I was so very happy! I’ve been waiting on this day since April, to say nothing of June since I’ve been on furlough.
But while I’ve been on furlough, I haven’t exactly been taking it easy. I’ve gotten three new coaching clients since May. I’ve been selected to appear and wrote a chapter for a brilliant new anthology about life and lessons from the Covid-19 pandemic. A book I truly believe is the next Chicken Soup For The Soul. The Great Pause is set to come out on August 17!
This is all on top of the Soul-R Powered Podcast really taking off. I’ve been featuring interviews with so many of my fellow authors in this book and I’ve had an absolute blast doing so.
But since I’ve been back at work, I’ve had to leave that work at the door. And it has been quite difficult to do so.
Getting back to the call from my now boss.
I got off the phone with him and cried for a half-hour. Then I made a post on Facebook speaking about my return to the workforce.
Not three days before, I made a post about all the things I was up to in my coaching, writing, and podcasting.
It barely registered a peep.
But I make one post about going back to work and I get 50 likes and 30+ comments.
This deeply bothers me. Allow me to ‘splain.
My work is what sets my soul on fire. My work is my coaching practice. My work is my podcast. My work is my writing. My work is my wellbeing. My WORK is what leads me to get up in the morning.
My JOB is selling a product that rhymes with bloogle homebrooks inside of Best Buy in Norwalk, CT.
I do my JOB until my WORK sustains me.
But so often I believe we associate our Selves with our job and the work that we do.
I am not simply an author. I am not simply a coach. I’m not simply a podcaster. I’m not simply a salesperson.
I am way more than that!
My very first job in high school was at a tiny radio station in Northport, Alabama – WSPZ AM 1150. Those letters have been assigned to another station in the nearby Birmingham market I do believe.
By the way, it wasn’t at a Burger King. My first job in high school was at a radio station! What I THOUGHT was my chosen career path.
Our studio was literally a closet. We had a mixing console from the 1960s. We couldn’t screen calls to our call-in show. We had to take calls live on air without screening.
This proved problematic because the call in number was one digit removed from a nearby Blockbuster Video. I’ll never forget when I was listening (on an off day) and someone called in asking for an obvious porn title.
I thought I was hot stuff, man. I really did.
I even got some attention from the head cheerleader. I told her what I did, and she says “hah. That’s a cool job.” Lord I had the hugest crush on her…
I thought I was the hottest thing since sliced toast.
Looking back on things, that job was never who I was and it was never what I was.
In retrospect, did the opinion of the uber-adorable Haven mean a hill of beans in the long run? Did it mean a hill of beans to who I am being in the world more than 25 years later?
{Side note – she’s still uber-adorable! But 17-year-old Ryan thought she could walk on water.}
Getting back to my predicament. I have written many articles in this space about the difference between who someone is and what they are.
For example:
- My name is Ryan.
- I’m 43 years old.
- I’m white.
- I’m left handed.
- I have dark hair.
None of those things – not even my name – is who I am. I’m a conglomeration of so many things. What I am doesn’t make me who I am.
And this may read counterintuitive to what I’ve been saying (and believing) for the past 40+ years…and especially the past four-plus years.
These are all things that I’m also not:
- I’m not a coach.
- I’m not an author.
- I’m not a podcaster.
- I’m not a speaker.
Am I all those things? Yeah!
My name is also Ryan. I’m 43, I have dark hair, and I write with my left hand.
But what I am doesn’t make me who I am.
I am Possibility.
I am Charm.
I am Maestro.
I am Zeal.
And I am Soul.
That is who I am and so very much more.
A major lesson that I have learned during this pandemic is that so many of us get our identities wrapped up in what we are. The slowdown and the pause has helped us get better acquainted with who we really are.
Here’s the invitation I have for all of y’all. As we’re slowly starting to go back to work and to school and emerging from quarantine, I invite you to take this time to re-introduce yourself to your Self.
Instead of getting caught up in your what, re-introduce yourself to WHO you are.
It might just blow your mind clean out of your skull.
Photo: Shutterstock