Developing My Masculinity from the 1960's to Now

1968

As a man coming of age in the 1960’s, I welcomed the new revolution because I wanted freedom to be a creative man. I wanted to express my soul and the visions living in my head and heart. Men could wear colors and prints, sing about spirituality and love. The norm of masculine behavior was beginning to birth from macho to a new blend of divine masculine and divine feminine. I felt I had a chance to express all of me, freely, and not feel judged.

I decided to study cosmetology, after the advice of my grandmother to get a trade under my belt. Having that creative trade allowed me freedom to learn discipline and a new focus of expression. I was already a singer, coming from a family of gospel music teachers and singers. My first art form was my voice. Even though I had talent and I was being trained, I was just a babe in woods in the task of being in balance.

The challenge of cosmetology in the hands of an untrained male was huge. I was good in academics graduating from high school with honors. But, I was all thumbs and one of the few men in class of cosmetology. I was so intend on being able to complete the task especially when I was told maybe I was not suited for doing hair. I dedicated hours of practice until I could handle a comb like a painter uses his or her brush. From that moment on, I won competitions and awards. I was driven to be perfect and to break the stereotype of “only women do hair.” I knew how to study and product results.

I found comfort in my male counterparts in the industry, including my first job with a male owner of a salon. I came to find a world of masculine men embracing the feminine and shaping it into a new male identity. I could be creative and make money. I needed to find a tribe to support my dreams of changing the world while trying to be a man of the world. I soon moved to Piedmont and then San Francisco, then started my next leg of growth.

Once in San Francisco, I found more artists, dancers, models, musicians and writers on journeys of finding ourselves, our voices. We did art in the streets, in the clubs and theaters. We fought to get paid and fought to be heard. I found a tribe of women and men who planned to change the world and find their individual destinies, using their talent to inspire.

I joined men’s groups who examined the role of males in society. We held weekend retreats, wrote plays and held weekly meetings of groups for the development of our sense of being tribes with the balance of men and women. We embrace the divine feminine, as well as our masculinity. We embraced diversity in cultures, a world vision of spirituality and the vision of free love and peace. A real man was a man with a world vision and creative in his living. We turned in our vision of the man as only the breadwinner and embraced the man of awareness and a man who valued family and community, beauty and a life of purpose.

We choose to value poets, singers, writers, painters, musicians, and wanderers of the world. We choose valuing using the mind and heart in unison for social change. We choose to value the skill of controlling our egos. Yet, I feel, we did not learn to find balance because we were so new at freedom. We just got lost in the power of our newfound freedoms.

2017

As a man in 2017, I feel as if I have lost my freedom to express myself without being judged or me judging myself. I see the freedoms we’d gain in the 1960’s become the norm. Yet, it seems a sense of entitlement present, a sense of ‘I deserve more.’ We have gone from the 70’s, a sense of being lost and angry (me singing in punk bands to cure my anger), to the 80’s to become the “I” generation (me trying to blend in middle America demanding my place of belonging), the 90’s of being entrepreneurs (me balancing two businesses) and by 2000, I began to feel we had become cutouts, sound bytes of what we were as men in the 1960’s. I worked for Sassoon, Aveda, and learned how to be precise and organic, so I knew we were on a pathway of evolving change. But, where we going?

The way we talked, dressed, and how we ate were all changed. We began to turn our “me” into a “we.” Still, it seemed our ego of obtaining money as our power source, drove all our decisions of social and political justice to the back of the bus. We all fought for the bigger penis, house and bank account. A real man showered his family with cars, money and summer homes, vacations around the world.

We have gone from being free to being angry to being self-absorbed to being equal by bank account, and now we are trying to undo what we have created. Our democracy has become a ticket to the American Dream of the 1%. I still wanted equality, internal peace, and personal liberty. Then along came Whole Foods market.

I got my chance to leave working in the world of women to work in the world of men, the grocery industry. Working in an industry entrenched with male ego, men thinking with only their minds and very little heart, yet they we serving the population the substances that feed and nourish the bodies of our communities,

The eight years I worked for Whole Foods, I learned to not lead with my heart, but lead with my heart and mind. I received not respect with all heart and I found was not judged when it was accompanied with a level head of judgment. I learned not to talk as much as I had been able to in the hair world. Yet, I gave a compassionate ear to my clients as I also gave them valuable information concerning vibrant health. I learned to be more of a balanced man.

I retired to become a full-time artist working in my community, a member of an artist co-op, a sustainable, sacred artist, an active member of a progressive Christian church working for world change, as a Buddhist/Christian, and a poet, spoken word/spoken song artist and performer. I write for The Good Men Project to address the position of the modern man in a modern world. I want to be free to express my creative self in a journey of societal healing. I want to be healed of my ego and I want to live more deeply in the core of my heart. I have learned not be an angry man, but a loving man. I have learned to listen with my heart. I want to see our world work in the process of being fair business and sustainable living.

I want to see men becoming better fathers, partners, fair businessmen and better tenders of our planet, people, animals. I want to see men as lovers of the human souls of humankind. I feel I am more balanced in my sense of using my modern freedom of choice. It has been a long journey of manhood and we have come full circle to meet ourselves in the middle of the road. Now it is time for more mindful choices of evolution to create world healing.