Ryan Hall describes how the healthy man can find outlets for his emotions.
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Y’all ready to hear an embarrassing story about me? This should be fun, embarrassing myself on this platform. I’m nothing if not transparent.
A few weeks ago I took a yoga class. Now, fitness-wise I’m a bit of a gym rat. I love throwing weights around. But there’s something that I really enjoy about the Zen-ness of connecting with a yoga mat.
Side note, Zen-ness is a word.
In this particular class, I was positioned next to a stunning, exotic beauty. I’d never seen her before. She looked like she could’ve been actress Kerry Washington’s little sister.
All during the class, I felt a pit in my stomach. I couldn’t figure it out. But then it hit me.
“Oh God…I gotta fart.”
Do I risk letting what I had for lunch take me out of the moment. Or do I let go and let it be?
The latter was my choice. While the woman was out of the studio like a gazelle and didn’t talk to anyone, I felt better.
Understand that the punchline wasn’t just that I let it go in a yoga class.
Gentlemen, I’m using flatulence as a metaphor. Although I love a good fart joke like the next overgrown fourteen-year-old boy, it’s deeper than that.
Consider what else are like farts… emotions.
Think about the last time you felt a strong emotion of any kind. What happens when you deny feeling that emotion? If you don’t let yourself feel what’s in your heart, then nothing good can come of it.
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Think about the last time you felt a strong emotion of any kind. What happens when you deny feeling that emotion? If you don’t let yourself feel what’s in your heart, then nothing good can come of it.
Before I go much further, I’d like to address an elephant. The kind of elephant that needs to let its eyes leak from time to time.
Boy that analogy was clunky. Kind of like that crying elephant.
Yes, gentlemen, I’m talking about crying.
There seems to be a stigma about men shedding tears. It’s as if we’re only allowed to cry in rare instances.
I used to believe this stigma all the way.
“When is it okay for men to cry?” When I saw that, my blood pressure shot up to dangerous levels…. whenever we damn well need to cry.
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I forgot where I saw this. I think it was one of those buzzy click bait articles on the internet. The title of the article was “When is it okay for men to cry?” When I saw that, my blood pressure shot up to dangerous levels.
To answer the question…whenever we damn well need to cry.
Look, do you want to be that guy who is weepy all the time? Of course not. If you’re at that place in your life, I don’t think my services as a life coach can support you. Therapy is the way to go.
Gentlemen, let that fart fly!
I’ve got a couple things I’d like for you to practice. You can get an accountability partner or you could even do this on your own. I believe accountability is the way to go here.
- The close up: take a moment to assess how you’re feeling. Right now. Can you identify that emotion?
- Widening out: practice naming what emotion you’re feeling at any given moment with one word. Especially in moments of strong emotion.
- And finally: if crying is something that scares you (like it did me) try this. Enroll someone who you trust to do this with. Practice getting emotional on purpose with someone at least once a week. There are safe spaces to do this (like a coaching session with me #shamelessplug). The intent of this practice is to learn that crying is just water (and other chemicals) leaking from your eyes.
Finally, I say this not as a parent of a human child. Though I consider my dog a child, he’s not human.
The most dangerous thing that you can say to your son when he’s crying or otherwise highly emotional is this: be a man.
Phrases like this can make men put up emotional masks that are very difficult to remove. It takes a lot of work. But it is critical to your personal development as a man to get in touch with your emotions.
If you’re looking to take this journey of emotional flatulence, I would be honored to take it with you. Visit team-ryan.team or email me at [email protected]. I’d love to work out a free sample coaching session with you.
Guys, emotions aren’t scary. They’re what makes us human.
Photo by Matthew Bland