How Do You Measure Your Alcohol Consumption?

My relationship with alcohol was probably the same as yours. I say this because everyone I’ve spoken to has had somewhat of the same perspective about their alcohol consumption. In comparison to others, it was the same, like there’s a mental measuring stick that we use to gauge ourselves. Mind you, we are the company we keep.

The measuring stick did exactly what they needed it to do: excuse them and shame him. We all do this, whether we know it or not.

The company I kept, or that kept me, for the first 18 years of my life and continues to influence me until this very day is my family. Growing up, my cousins and I adopted the term “The Gene” and used it as an excuse for the dysfunction and terror that rang through our family. At the time, my dad was the poster child for alcoholism in my family. He was the measuring stick. As long as no one was as severe as him, they didn’t have a problem. There is no truth in this. His siblings were just as sick as him, they just displayed it differently than he did. The measuring stick did exactly what they needed it to do: excuse them and shame him. We all do this, whether we know it or not.

As women, we’re trained to use the measuring stick for every aspect of our lives at a very young age. As a twenty-something it helps define our worth and our ability to get our MRS.

The company I kept in my friendship circle as a twenty-something was similar. There are so many glorious things about being a twenty-something. Your skin is tight. Your boobs are up to here instead of down to there. You know nothing and because of your ignorance you’re afraid of nothing. But, even for a twenty-something, there is the measuring stick. Perhaps more so for women than for men. As women, we’re trained to use the measuring stick for every aspect of our lives at a very young age. As a twenty-something it defines or worth and our ability to get our MRS. We don’t care so much about the booze consumption, no one’s measuring. In my case, had they been measuring, I would have been the same as my dad. But, because I wasn’t as tenured, I was the life of the party, just as he’d been when he was a twenty-something.

If you’re using a measuring stick against others to gauge your drinking habits, you’re not making the choice. Someone else is.

As a thirty-something things began unraveling. I began to see the power of the measuring stick. I saw it’s blatant display in my family. I noticed it coming into conversations passively. I noticed myself using it against others. I felt it having too much control and then I broke from the pressure it put on me. I snapped like a twig.

The solution I came up with was to leave the country. Alone. Over the span of 6 months, I challenged my understanding of who I was and let myself do precisely as I wanted. No comparison. No external influence. Just me alone following a feather to my different phases of self-discovery. But not soberly.

When I say not soberly, I mean wasted. I mean a bottle of wine or two a day for months. For two months, that was cut back significantly because of the places where I traveled. But, upon my departure from these places, I went right back to drinking normally. And then, the company I’d kept before came to visit.

We drank our way through Spain, Germany, and France. And, by the time the ride had ended, I felt disconnected. My body hurt. My brain hurt. And, without anyone to measure against, I decided to take a week off of drinking.

We don’t have to be the company we keep. And, the company doesn’t have to keep us.

600+ days later, I haven’t started drinking yet. But what I did start was questioning the measuring stick. Why do we measure our drinking habits against the drinking habits of others? As if what others do determines the choices we should make for ourselves. Like we’re all the same. We’re not.We’re not all the same. We don’t have to be the company we keep. And, the company doesn’t have to keep us.

So what if you dropped the measuring stick and only looked at yourself? Are the choices you’re making serving you? That’s the question. Does this serve me? And if so, how?

Let’s stop measuring our alcohol consumption to that of others and start measuring our alcohol consumption to our quality of life. I’m not anti-alcohol; I’m pro-choice. And, if you’re using a measuring stick against others to gauge your drinking habits, you’re not making the choice. Someone else is.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***