Uzi Peretz shares an experience of ego, pride, and (ultimately) humility.
The ego tricks us into believing we are right; although technically we are just doing what we think is right. When these situations happen, the ego uses them as a chance to assert, judge and feel superior. This behavior interferes with our ability to be happy as well as to create and maintain healthy relationships.
Have you ever seen someone oddly dressed and muttered something ridiculous like, “All their taste must be in their mouth?” When we are alone, it usually stops there. We judge, feel good that we know how to dress “right” and continue on with whatever we are doing. When there is another ego present (like when we tell a friend about it), things will often get out of hand. This is because the other person’s ego also wants to assert, judge and feel superior. Pretty soon, the unknown person with the plaid shirt, striped pants and Birkenstocks becomes the innocent victim of multiple egos trying to stuff themselves full of attention.
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I started to wonder why these types of judgements were running through my head all the time, how they might be affecting me and if there was something I could do to change them. When I started this process, I wasn’t even really aware of the ego. I knew what an ego was (sort of); I knew that I had one but that was pretty much it. I never realized it had so much control over my behaviors. I remember asking, “How can I recognize when the ego is operating in my life if it is always present?”.
I started to wonder why these types of judgements were running through my head all the time, how they might be affecting me and if there was something I could do to change them.
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When I first started trying to change things, I’d get very discouraged. I just figured if I fought hard enough, it was a fight I could eventually win (note: the ego loves winning). I’d try to change, fail, get pissed off and start over. I just couldn’t seem to make any progress. I was sharing my experience with a close friend when he asked me if I had seen a video on the subject of ego by Eckhart Tolle. It immediately changed my process of dealing with the ego. Tolle suggests we try not to make friends with or battle the ego (like I’d been doing) but instead, recognize how it operates in our lives. By putting our thoughts and energy into simply becoming aware of these “egoic patterns”, we can work on changing them – slowly. Of course, it is much easier said than done.
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I suddenly realize I am second in line and the bagger just went on a break. My attention turns toward the person in front of me. They have a cart full of groceries and instead of doing what I would do; they decide to make a phone call. Shit – I should have went into the other line; I knew this line was going to suck. I check my phone. Shit – I am going to be late. My ego is screaming for me to say something smart-clever-witty and sarcastic loud enough to show this person that I am right. The ego tries to slip in the idea that I am always right. I shove both thoughts aside and take a deep breath. It doesn’t help. The ego starts judging. The internal monologue begins…
“Well, obviously this person is an inconsiderate jerk. Just look at them yapping away on their phone while the cashier has to pull double duty. This is absurd. Meanwhile the rest of us are just sitting here. Someone should really do something about this. Where are all the other baggers and cashiers. Stupid managers. Stupid Unions. If I was in charge…”
There’s still half a cart left and the belt is backing up with stuff – mostly junk food. It figures. I notice some other people getting agitated too. Excellent. For a second I wonder if I’m the only one who bags their own groceries. I decide that I probably am and that this somehow makes me a better person. I start to say something but suddenly it occurs to me that I’ve been waiting for another opportunity to recognize this “egoic pattern” (and work on changing it). I close my eyes and take another deep breath; this one longer and with more purpose. I believe that I am ready.
I interrupt the persons conversation with a polite smile and an “excuse me”. I scooch around them (they don’t give me much room), make my way to the front of the check stand and get to work. Several of the customers smile. I remember I like bagging groceries; it’s like Tetris. I decide that other people probably do, too. I smile back. Maybe they even wanted to do the same thing but didn’t know they could. The cashier gives me a quick smile and a thank-you nod too. I feel good. Then the person on the phone turns to me, covers her phone and says – “Uh Sir, I wanted plastic”.
All of a sudden it’s like I’m watching the pattern play itself out from a seat in the front row. I see myself tense up. I hear myself blurt out something smart-clever-witty and sarcastic; almost everyone laughs. I recognize the ego’s smug sense of satisfaction on my face and I’m reminded of something I read. “Thank you god for sending me all these assholes; they are teaching me not to react.” I start to get down on myself since this was obviously another colossal failure in my battle against the ego.
Wait – I remember I’m no longer participating in this losing battle anymore. I’m using a new strategy – one of acceptance, awareness and forgiveness. I close my eyes, take another long, deep breath. I look directly at them and apologize for my outburst. I start over with plastic.
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It is even difficult to write about the experience because the ego is always trying to sneak in. I realize it will always be a part of me. However, if I continue to take notice of it, practice dealing with it and learn to accept it; I can move forward in my life with just the right balance of pride and humility.
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—Photo Jason Ruckman/Flickr