How To Stop Saying How to and Be Happier

Stories telling you how to (do anything and everything) are easily some of the most popular and sought after stories on Medium. Nearly all of the top stories on the site seem to be some sort of guide for life. How to…you name it, it exists.

Frankly, it stresses me out sometimes. I find myself scrolling through articles and feeling overwhelmed by seeing how many things I still need to do to become successful in life.

For example, we have all seen the “How to make XXX amount of money in XXX amount of time” stories. We know quick fixes rarely work, yet we can’t help but click on them.

Sure, many of these stories provide great advice and insight, but they are mostly subjective. The truth is that life is unpredictable. There is no one-size-fits-all guide, and you mostly just have to learn as you go. If there was such a guide, the person who wrote it would be a multi-quadrillionaire.

What if I told you that the best way to live was to worry less about how to live, and to just live?

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How To Let Go

Did you catch that (the irony of the subtitle)? If you read the title of this story you would have caught on immediately — the whole thing is somewhat of a parody, with truth generously sprinkled in.

Basically what I’m telling you (and myself) is to relax.

As I mentioned above, many “how to” articles are rich with advice. The “advice” I am giving in this one is less about worrying about how to do everything the right way, and more about living, your way.

There is definitely importance and validity in setting goals and working hard. We should continue to do both. Yet things do not always go as planned, and life is more of a series of zigs and zags than a straight line. When things do not go the way we intended them to, we often find ourselves disappointed.

There is a sense of peace found in letting things play out naturally. Enjoy the process, instead of always feeling like you have to follow a protocol in every single thing you do.

“To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own.” –Jack Kornfield

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Live and Let Live

The proverb “live and let live” (not to be confused with “Live and Let Die” from a James Bond film and a Paul McCartney/Wings song and later a Guns ‘N Roses song) originates from the Dutch. It was originally found in a collection of commercial law written by medieval merchants published in 1622 and later included in a book of English proverbs published in 1678.

The fact that a saying can have beginnings in a medieval book of law code and remain popular to this day says a lot about its brevity. The proverb of live and let live means that one should live their life as they choose and let others do the same.

The proverb does not focus as much on the “how to” of life, but instead focuses more on how people should think, feel, and act. It is more about accepting other’s differences than trying to change them, and it does not necessarily embrace or condone the differences of others.

Wise people know that the path to satisfaction involves living life to the fullest without worrying about or controlling others.

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Check Your Mindset

Becoming the happiest you can be involves worrying less about things that you cannot control (i.e. others) and more about things that you can control, and that starts with your thoughts.

Strive to maintain a positive attitude every day and to fight the negative thoughts that creep in. It takes effort, sure, but it is worth it.

Modern culture is a barrage of competition, a la social media. However, as the Dalai Lama says, competing with others will not lead to happiness. He says that helping and serving others (and making their desires as important as our own), without harming them, is the standard to a meaningful life.

Do less comparing and judging, as doing those things will only lead to feelings of inferiority, rather than acceptance of ourselves. Instead, work more on acceptance and compassion, of yourself and of others.

A great way to worry less and to stay positive and is to choose and repeat a mantra (in the form of words, phrases or affirmations) that helps you counter negative thoughts. Examples include:

Who I am, what I do, and what I have is enough.
I choose to be positive and optimistic.
My life is rewarding and filled with joy.
Making mistakes is part of life.
I give myself permission to let go and be happy.

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Pick and Choose Advice

Always worrying about whether you are following all of the advice to the T and doing everything the right way is exhausting and ultimately counterproductive. Readers should be cautious and take things they read online with a grain of salt.

One of my more popular stories on Medium is written in an authoritative tone, as though I am an expert on the subject (my “expertise” is mostly a product of my life experiences, supplemented by research). Using this type of writing style can help your readers to trust you, as they want to read stories by people who know what they are talking about. The Internet is full of “experts” with vague credentials, and it can be difficult to discern who is trustworthy.

This is where picking and choosing what you choose to apply to your own life comes in handy. Nearly every article you read will have advice and ideas that you can apply to your own life along with advice that may not be applicable to you or produce much success for you. It all comes down to your individual circumstances and personality.
It is so important to embrace your individuality and to realize that you are the expert of your own life. It is always a good idea to continue to consume advice and information, but do not let the question of, “Am I doing life right?” take over. You are living YOUR life right, the best you know how.

When we make mistakes, we can learn from them, recover, and keep going. The bad days will allow us to appreciate the good ones.

Practice Acceptance

It can be challenging to remain happy through the ups and the downs of life. When things do not go as we expected, we need to know how to handle the “downs” rather than dwelling on them and letting them keep us down.

There are times when we must persist, and there are times when we must accept things for what they are. When they are beyond our control, we must accept them.

Acceptance does not necessarily signify mediocrity or conformity. It involves understanding that things will sometimes happen that are beyond our control, and accepting them and letting go (rather than remaining bitter and miserable) allows us to move forward.

As hard as acceptance can be, it is a powerful catalyst for positive change. It is crucial to let go of painful things from the past and move on. Moving forward, when a challenge arises, try to find a lesson or purpose in it rather then dwelling on it and letting it keep you down.

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To be able to enjoy the unpredictability of life, stop worrying about whether you are doing everything the “right” way. Control what you can, do your best, and stay positive. Stop trying to follow a (non-existent) playbook of life and try to let things flow.

Acceptance is a powerful key to happiness, so instead of stubbornly staring at a locked door in frustration, unlock it and walk through the doorway leading to a happier life.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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