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This isn’t the first Good Men Project article where I’ve mentioned my memory, that I can recall a musical event if you name any year from 1909 to today. Really, try me; I really can remember that much about music. 1941? Billie Holiday recorded “God Bless the Child.” 1975? Bob Dylan released Blood on the Tracks. 2002? Beck released Sea Change. Now that I think about it, those are all examples of sad music, so, in 1941 Duke Ellington recorded Take the A Train, in 1975, Bruce Springsteen released Born to Run, and in 2002, Kelly Clarkson became the first winner of American Idol.
But I would be remiss if I didn’t also mention how frustrating my memory can be. I have an amazing long-term memory for details, but I can forget all kinds of mundane tasks at my work, especially ones involving my hands and coordination, but some of these have gotten easier over time.
I think it’s fair to say that my compassion is another one of my greatest strengths. I’ve been through enough that I feel empathy for people who have been through different kinds of hell; that’s why my compassion developed in the first place. I don’t pretend that it’s perfect; sometimes, living means taking sides and not having compassion for each one. But given the stereotype that Autistic people don’t have empathy, I generally find that to be false. I have had trouble showing empathy when I feel what seems like too much of it–like I shut down–but that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel it.
I’ll admit that I wasn’t always good with empathy, or listening to others. It took a lot of practice to be able to show that I cared about others and their interests, but today, it feels rock solid, so to speak. One friend recently called me the best listener that they know, and it may have taken a lot of years to get that way, but being stuck in my head and overthinking everything can have its benefits: along with the help of feedback from friends, being stuck in my head made me rethink how I treated others.
Speaking of metaphors like “rock solid,” Autism can be extremely frustrating in the department of understanding figures of speech, but I’ve gotten better with that with a lot of practice. I don’t pretend to understand many metaphors, but it’s gotten easier. I don’t think me being hyper-literal will ever change, though. I even have a hashtag that I use, #literalproblems, on Twitter for different examples of how this tendency has played out over different parts of my life, so I’ve learned to have a sense of humor about it.
So, perhaps all this honesty about the different facets of my disabilities may not make my best features sound like superpowers, but trust me, they are. My memory has limits, and my compassion does come with necessary boundaries, but my memory’s specificity and my love of people and of the world make them unique to me.
I’ll take that over a neurotypical memory and relative lack of compassion any day.
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Photo: Getty Images
