Working a 70 hour a week job as well as the demands of a kid, wife, career and all the other projects I try to keep myself busy with, I really don’t make time for myself. My wife basically informed me of this when I was close to having a damned breakdown the other day. She suggested I try and make some time to do things that make me happy. Music used to be one of those things.
Yesterday before everyone was awake, I took my guitar and wrote a song. It was intoxicating getting back into the writing process again, and I feel like it stimulated something. But, even more than that was the evolution that occurred later.
I’m what they call a “late adopter”. I wait until a technology has matured past the beta stage to get on board. I’m wary of any fad in technology, simply because I place such a premium on my time. I know that seems pretentious but I think I should be allowed one pretension. Bear with me.
Years ago, I heard about Spotify from a friend of mine, who swore by it because music was her life. I kind of dismissed it after my initial check out, simply because I used to be stingy with my money and I think at the time they were asking around $30 a month. I don’t remember exactly what it was, but it was something I wasn’t willing to pay. I get into my phases where for example, I’ll buy a month or two of World of Warcraft, get all the expansions I have to catch up on, and then abandon it after I get my character up to a certain level. I just get bored, but I get even more resentful that I have to pay money every month to play a video game that, let’s be honest, is much more inferior to my current obsession, The Elder Scrolls series.(Except Elder Scrolls Online, and may Talos be with you.)
If I’m going to blow money on my entertainment, I’m going to make sure that the value is amazing enough that the price tag won’t bother me until I get bored with it.
Back to Spotify. I deserve to be mocked for this, but when I first saw it, I didn’t think much of it, and the price sealed the coffin. Then a few days ago, my wife decided to buy the premium membership, and my wife will pay any price for any length of time, within reason. She started using it and her mood immediately changed, bobbing her head as she did the dishes and tended to our youngling. Then she made a playlist for me; stuff that I used to listen to in high school. Nirvana, Metallica, Chili Peppers, Primus. My baby knows me.
By the third song, I smelled the flannel (yes I was a grunge boy) and I smelled the gym socks and awkward silences as boys and girls went on opposite sides of the gym during dances. And I laughed.
And I bought a membership of my own without thinking, blinking, or even noting the decreased price.
I always knew that music was a central part of who I was as a person, but I never realized how much until I got that back. Switching from Nunu’s Johnny Mix to various other mixes I found on the service, I was in heaven. I literally am still using it right now, my head fixed into massive cans I bought specifically for this use. Currently, I’m blasting Killswitch Engage’s The End of Heartache, and soon I’ll be heading over to Chimaira land where I’ll be assaulted by the uber-technical Andols Herrick on drums. Then maybe I’ll wander past the Dream Theater archive to see what they’re doing since the departure of Mike Portnoy (Hello, mediocrity) Then back to gym class with Nirvana (who by the way I am extremely gratified and happy that they’re retaining popularity today, the greats never die,) Gin Blossoms and Seven Mary Three.
I’ve always been aggressive concerning my music, probably why I’ve always been so hyper my entire life. Of course, I have my exceptions to that. Carmina Burana by Karl Orff, anything by Bach, Mozart and the Appassionata from Beethoven. A Little cliche but I find certain pieces of classical music speak to me more than others, and there was a reason for the popularity for the big three of Bach Beethoven and Mozart. The Bach appeals to the staunch Catholic in me that will never die. Beethoven is the grandeur, my inability to anything in a small way, which is funny when you compare it to the playful and esoteric nature of my Mozart side. Granted, I’m no longer the Catholic boy, but rather than be cheapened by the lack of religious faith, it is in fact bolstered by the meaning behind the music.
Faith and music have always been intertwined, but perhaps the faith is just an empty vessel that you fill with your own brand of rigidity. The 9th Symphony can speak to you whether you’re a Muslim or a Catholic, or in my case an agnostic-leaning-atheist. The music is remade in the mind of the listener by contemplating what the intention of the author was. This process is unavoidable.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to digress. Where was I? Ah yes, classical. When I was in high school it was mostly rock and alternative, but I had a teacher who really instilled a love of all music and he invited us to bring in our favorite music and to point out what we though the music meant to us as people. I could have brought in something by Nirvana, because, typical of my age, I was a very angsty teen. (Read: artistic asshole.) I could have brought in some Slayer, as for some reason I was obsessed with death up until the end of high school (I still kind of am obsessed to a degree, I simply don’t have much time to think about it). But instead, I brought in A Bushel and a Peck by Doris Day.
They expected something much more violent, thrashy and angry. This caught them off guard. I was asked, “why this song of all things?”
My reply was simple, “My mother used to sing this song to me when I was a kid. It always used to help me sleep.” So, we listened to it again. As I sat there in the auditorium, red and black flannel shirt, ripped jeans and loafers (yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking,) the only thing that was visible was my smile as I look at my feet through my long hair.
I sing that song to my daughter almost every day. I remember that angry little shit that was me, sitting on the floor of the practice rooms playing guitar, all the while the song that meant the most to him was something no one would have ever believed.
I feel like by taking the time to relax with some music from my adolescence, I am in fact acquiring a new (but old) perspective, in the form of an infusion of energy into an already energetic life. I never realized how important music was to me until I didn’t regularly listen to it. I guess this is one service that is as essential to me as the internet in general.
Rock on, true believers.
—
—
Photo: Getty Images