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As men, many times some of our greatest strengths can lead to our biggest downfalls. We want to think of ourselves as the provider of strength and security, and while many times (not always as I will show you) this works well around women, what about around other males. Our pride and egos are the cause of so many arguments and often delay our success. What would happen if we let our guard down?
It is always ironic that the last thing we want to show people are our flaws. From sitting around talking with friends to the majority of the content we post on social media portrays The Good Life, yet our flaws are what builds connection. We build rapport with people when they see what’s really going on in our lives. It gives us connection because most likely the people around you are struggling with the same issues.
We never want to tap into our emotions because it’s not “manly” to be emotional. We have grown up around sayings like “Boys don’t cry” or “suck it up” and we have trained ourselves to live like this. But bottling these types of emotions for short periods of time like days/weeks/months or some of us bottle them up years/decades is eroding our confidence and kill us with stress and anxiety.
What if we started caring less if others were going to judge us and lived life on our standards? I have had to personally learn this to build a relationship with my significant other. I am from the southern portion of the United States where a man is supposed to do nearly everything for a woman especially things in public. I had to learn (the hard way) that I was with a very independent woman who desired to many things on her own.
One example is something as small as caring grocery baskets around the store. She will have multiple baskets overflowing with groceries and if I ask to help the answer is NO! While every person we pass looks at me with complete judgment, and their eyes screaming at me that I am no gentleman. I have to swallow my pride and not beat myself up over the judgment of others.
This is just one small example of not allowing or letting pride get in the way and making myself publicly vulnerable to the judgment of others to increase the quality of my relationship. There are countless other examples to increase health, relationships, careers, and happiness.
The first step in any of these areas is admitting to ourselves that there is an issue and we control the outcome. This is the most powerful step to vulnerability! We have to look in the mirror and be honest with ourselves, then we can begin to take control.
Start small and begin to build momentum. Vulnerability becomes addicting and contagious to those around you. If you are struggling to let your guard down in a relationship write small post-it note on the mirror for when they wake up or randomly tell them you love them and something you’re grateful for about that person. If you are struggling to put yourself out there because of your health make a phone call to set up a consultation at a local gym. If it’s in your career, most of the time we are scared to ask for help. If we are struggling on a project and know someone around us can help us within seconds, we would rather spend hours trying to figure it out rather than put ourselves out there. Again, it’s our pride getting in the way!
It is the same concept I see as a mentor of hundreds of young adults. They would rather not speak up and fail tests or assignments in school in fear of looking dumb raising their hand to ask a question.
Swallow your pride, make yourself vulnerable emotionally, physically and mentally to enjoy your life with joy and happiness. You deserve that at the very least.
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