—
Self-love is an inward journey, and one of whose nature is always continuously unfolding and expanding, so it’s highly unlikely the journey of self-love could ever be one that is perfected, let alone completed in a single lifetime or even a multitude of lifetimes.
So ask yourself, is perfection something you really strive for as an end all be all goal in regards to love, especially when it all boils down to the bottom line of what matters most…your intimate and personal relationship of the highest degree, the relationship you have between you and yourself and the methods you choose to express this self-love.
From my own life experiences SoulTrekking through the dredges of darkness and self hate, including a barely endurable severe depression that I survived for a good ten odd years, I pretty much was god-smacked in the face with the lesson on how self-love isn’t so much about perfection, because I was certainly as far from being perfect as one humanly could be. But self-love is more about absolutely accepting everything within yourself: imperfect flaws and all.
Self-love is a conscious choice you make to love yourself no matter what’s happening within or around you, especially when the proverbial shit hits the fan upon entering into unpleasant terrain. Even when life gets a bit tricky.
Yup, the golden moments are when you’re feeling the most uncertain of how to even go about beginning to love yourself, but still consciously deciding to love yourself anyway, right then and there in the shit-storm of confusion.
Self-love could totally be summed up as acceptance of yourself no matter what space you may be in, including the deep, dark nitty-gritty moments where the concept of self-love seems absolutely foreign and any attempts of comprehending what self-love means feels as stressful as Tom Cruise attempting to disarm a bomb in those Mission Impossible action flicks.
So a client recently asked me, “how do I love myself now?” and here was my response:
I love myself enough to realize life is too damn short to be wasted on time spent beating myself up, but I also love myself enough to permit this human experience I call Jared, brief moments for his inner child to vent, whine and feel sorry for himself. I love myself enough for my inner child to feel like he’s seen and heard before I choose to move on, instead of neglecting and pushing away his needs and concerns like I previously did before I knew better in the past.
And if in my heart I know I gave my best effort in a situation, but the outcome still resulted in conflict, I love myself enough to be gentle and compassionate towards myself, knowing I did the very best I could then with what I knew in the particular moment. I love myself enough to realize my best is always enough.
I love myself enough to know that even if I may fuck everything up tomorrow, I will learn something invaluably crucial to help move me forward to continually evolve, transform and grow.
So I love and forgive myself time and time again, especially when it feels like I’ve screwed everything up, and it’s in those moments when I choose to breathe, place both my hands on the heart space of my chest and say:
I Learn.
I Laugh.
I am me and I am always enough.”
This is how I love myself now, and this is how I accept everything about myself and life, even when it hurts like hell, fuck…especially when it hurts like hell. Because now I know self-love is an inward journey of accepting life and myself just as it is, not perfecting it.
Get the best stories from The Good Men Project delivered straight to your inbox, here.
—
Photo Credit: Getty Images
Thanks Jared. Self love is vital because we can’t guarantee that the love we give to others will be cherished, respected, or reciprocated.
Jared well written and I especially like the part about your inner child. I find the inner magical child within us to be such a great teacher. Loving her or him is so crucial . It helps us to be gentle on ourselves and to know we are a work in progress.