The Golden Rule is something I had an epiphany about a couple decades ago.
More accurately, I had a thought regarding it where I didn’t agree with it and developed a rule to replace it that I felt was more accurate.
The Golden Rule or law of reciprocity is the principle of treating others as one would wish to be treated oneself. I realized this needed adjustment (or perhaps was just not comprehensive) when I learned there are people who enjoy hurting themselves. Some people want simplicity as opposed to complexity. Some people want bluntness as opposed to gentleness.
This ties in with a major component of how to interface with people. The idea is that many people have many different ways of taking in information. Presentation, reading a book, listening to a lecture, one on one. I prefer reading a book. If I apply the Golden Rule, then all the people who don’t prefer reading a book do not get the best experience. Disabled people do not want to be subjected to ignorance born of the Golden Rule. Like asking a blind person if they can read the teleprompter alright.
Another good example is the concept of Love Languages in relationships. The idea is to speak to your partner in the Love Language they prefer. I might like touch as a motion of affection, but they might prefer a kind word (and specifically not touch).
All of this has led me to posit that many people do not actually want to be treated the way I want to be treated. In fact, some people would find this offensive, distasteful, or uncomfortable. This is the case with people who enjoy challenging the norm. People who are not OK with the status quo. Misfits and square pegs in a round hole world. So I retooled the saying and is what I have been trying to teach my girls and anyone else who presents to me the Golden Rule.
I think it should be changed to: Treat others as they’d like to be treated. It does require an injection of mindfulness, as you have to learn about them and can’t use yourself as a model.
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