Growing up, I idolized my older brother. He was effortlessly cool and the star of every sport and social event. He was inclusive to me, being 7 years older, and I can remember countless evenings watching him get ready and wanting to do everything just like him…
And as they do, years pass and times change… people change. My older brother is not the man I once knew, forfeiting everything for the high that stole his identity. Drugs do that to a person, reducing them to a hollow shell of who they once were.
If you’ve experienced the pain of familial addiction, you understand the heartbreak and desperation I’m speaking of. I’ve walked this reality with both my older and younger brothers for a decade now. It’s painful to give those you love the freedom to make their own choices, even if it’s destructive…. yet, the only life we really control is our own.
Close to two years ago, a guy called me on the phone… he was helping an Ads Expert solidify some sales strategy and implementation, and I was lucky enough to receive that training call…
What began as a routine call to sell me quickly became something much more. It was as if I’d known this guy my whole life, and there was something about me that resonated similarly. He spoke of his younger brother who’d past some years ago, named Cody. There was an unexplainable, universal alignment in the relationship that was being born… all off of a sales call for Facebook ads management.
We added one another on Facebook, quickly seeing similarities in our movie star good looks , love for tattoos, love for our kids, love for health and wellness, and love for people. We were, it turned out, exactly who we’d claimed to be on the phone.
Months later, he invited me to a conference hosted by Kolby Kay, where I knew no one but for nothing else, I wanted to meet him face to face, give him a hug, and spend time in the same room. I didn’t know how much that conference would come to mean to me, to us, or to my business.
Fast forward to hiring him as a business coach, flying and staying with him in his home in Portland, to now launching a supplement company together. Surreal. Intended. Intentional.
This past weekend, he joined us in Las Vegas as Kala LaChe Jefferson and I became one in marriage.
He got Boyz II Men involved in our evening.
He arranged a private table at an incredible club to celebrate.
And, most importantly…
He walked Kala down the aisle and presented her to me, the greatest honor I could be given.
A week before our wedding, Kala and I were laying in bed and she asked me, “Do you think Brandon would walk me down the aisle and give me away to you?”
“I think he’d be honored if that’s what you want.”
She replied, “He’s your brother. He’s who I want to walk me down the aisle.”
Friend, to you reading, I don’t know what meaningful relationships you have in your life. I don’t know the ways in which life has disappointed you or the ways in which you’ve carried the weight of relationships that was never yours to carry.
I can say this: stay open. Stay open to fostering deep, meaningful friendships that push you past your comfort and into the depths of your potential..
Men… MEN: seek out deep, meaningful, iron-sharpening, accountable, huge vision relationships with other men. We need one another. We need brothers to carry us and for us to carry them. You are not an island, and the clarity/momentum in your life is directly related to your circle of brotherhood and influence.
And to you, Brandon James Duncan: Thank you for being one of the best friends I’ve ever had, one of the greatest mentors I’ve ever known, and the brother that I desperately needed. Every day, you make me a better man, husband, father, and leader. There isn’t a day that I don’t express my deepest appreciation, love, and gratitude for you. You are one of the best men I’ve ever known.
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Previously published on Facebook.
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