Two Stripes

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“Babe, I f*cking am.” ~You Know Who

I thought she was kidding. You Know Who has this way of sounding when she is attempting to trick me. I think it’s bad acting. I can usually tell when she’s attempting a ruse and will call her out on it with a “whatever.” That’s what she sounded like at this moment. Hollering from the bathroom — her stream of pee having just fallen silent. What, I thought. No way. I looked at the box, and it said three to five minutes for results. She’s f*cking with me, I thought. And doing a poor job of it.

“I can’t believe it,” she shouted from the bathroom.

“Babe,” I said. “This says three to five minutes for results.”

“Unless you’re really pregnant then it shows up sooner,” she said walking out of the bathroom. She held the stick with results facing towards me with one hand and pulled up her panties with the other as she charged towards me. There they were — two pink stripes.

I couldn’t see my eyes, so I m not sure if they were wide as saucers, but I could feel my jaw, and it was on the floor. I was at a loss for words. I didn’t want to get too excited. I knew there was a long road ahead. Hell, even the test could be a false positive, right? And the whole first trimester is really sketchy, right? I mean, what the hell do I know about being pregnant but I know that you shouldn’t get too excited because what if something happens. Well, I WAS EXCITED!

I was shocked too. Very shocked. At forty-four, I didn’t think I had swimmers. In the thirteen years that You Know Who and I were apart, I had a lot of unprotected sex — not unsafe but unprotected — with a lot of women. There were the women who “knew their body” and the women who I assumed where on the pill but weren’t. There were times when women said, “you weren’t supposed to come in me this time,” but I had, and women who said, “come in me” in the heat of passion — all sans birth control. Then, there was the one time where a woman and I decided to actually try to conceive. All of this sex and never a missed period. You Know Who was also shocked because of her age, her Crohn’s, having been on the pill for twenty years, and some other concerns. We were kind of trying but we had our doubts it would happen.

“I don’t want to say it, Babe, but I am so happy.” I don’t know if I ever said those words aloud before or even thought them but I truly was. I know I wasn’t supposed to get my hopes up but they were up. I was happy and excited and felt blessed that everything I ever wanted in my adult life is happening. I held You Know Who and laughed so loud she probably thought I was sobbing. There were some tears.

“I need to quit smoking,” she realized. “Look up nicotine gum and I’ll look up my meds.” We did some quick research started talking about our future. Our afternoon was filled with the excitement of being in love and having conceived a child and as well as the fear of being two unemployed adults in our forties who are in love and had just conceived a child.

We were the happiest of couples that night. We went on our first date in over thirteen years. Nothing fancy just a movie but we did have popcorn and peanut M&Ms. We held hands as we walked and made jokes about our now even more unusual and upside down life.

“Babe, never knock me up before you even take me out on our first date!”

“Well, never give it up before even going on a date with me.”

***

“Babe, I just want to know for sure; are we officially back together?”

“I am pregnant with your child. I’d say that’s pretty official.”

***

“Babe, do you want to make a baby with me?”

“I guess I have no choice now.”

***

“Babe, never be a MILF.”

“Babe, never by My Baby Daddy.”

This was the best day so far since getting back together. We rode this high all the way into the next day… when the cramps and spotting started.

While being a successful entrepreneur and artist of some sort have always been my goals in life, being a father has been on the top of that list. And ever since You Know Who and I met, I have wanted her to be the mother of my children. After our long breakup, finding out that she was pregnant was the best news I have ever received in my life. When the cramps and spotting started the very next day, my heart broke. She said this is why we shouldn’t get our hopes up, but I don’t want to suppress my feelings. I’ve done that for too long. This was something she expressed in a letter she wrote to me some fourteen years ago but never sent me. I had this ability to put up and emotional wall — not letting anyone in then. I am quite the opposite now maybe a little too much. I sulked all day with the possibility that You Know Who could be having a miscarriage just one day after seeing the two pink stripes.

The next morning, I got up and made coffee and sat down at my computer while You Know Who slept in. With just a little bit of research, I found that everything she was going through was normal. She later confirmed this with a phone call to her doctor.

As I am writing this, we are five weeks along. Our baby is the size of an apple seed. Every morning when I wake her up I ask her if we are still preggers and every morning, so far, she has answered me yes.

Note: On the day of publication of this post, You Know Who is at 12 weeks and we heard the baby’s heartbeat just the other day. We are now looking forward to enjoying this second trimester.

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This post was previously published on Medium and is republished here with the author’s permission.

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