I feel very confused nowadays. There are so many ideas in my mind to write but for the things that are not in my control, I am not able to think properly. Besides that, I have a regular job I must continue.
My three-year-old niece is insisting me to play with her any time I want to write or I want to do my own job. At some point, I recognize that the more I insist to work, the more she insists to play. Then, I stopped.
Okay, this is life, I can’t control everything all the time. Sometimes, I choose what I want to do, sometimes life directing what I should do. This is not my term. So, no need to insist, I stopped and listen to what is happening.
My niece wants to play a house game. In the game, she was my daughter and going to school, to the kitchen, near my mom who is the teacher. When she goes to school, I started to write this story, and when she comes back, I jump to play to her directly trying to do my best to play sincerely.
I was trying to practice jumping from one situation to another and trying to live the moment in both situations. That was a nice exercise for me because this is life. It is important to learn to adapt to a new situation quickly.
However, she didn’t continue to play that game and wanted to play near me all the time. Then I asked her, can we find a way that I will do my job while we are playing at the same time. Here, I was asking her opinion to solve a problem. The problem was bigger than her, I know, but I want her to just think and show her that I understand her and respect her ideas. That was again another good exercise for me.
Then, I started to read these lines to her while I keep writing. She enjoyed listening to the English language which she is not used to hearing. So, some more time passed like that. And then, some other time passed while we are playing a fish catching game.
Does not matter what we are doing I tried to keep watching myself, my mind, and her. It is great to watch what is happening as if I am not in the environment. This watching helped me to grow ideas even I am not writing at the moment.
Watching myself from outside also helped to regulate my emotions. It prevented me to get angry with my niece nor myself. I was trying to be aware of all moments. Since I focused on watching the situation, things were under the control of my mind not the unwanted emotions of my heart.
As a result, we had some good time together while I kept analyzing and she kept playing. It was most important that all these happened without making her upset and I become angry.
Life is short. Time is passing. She will grow up. It is so precious to have a happy time with her. Comparing the other things in life such as money and career, your loved ones are most valuable. Money and all other things worth nothing when you are all alone.
This example situation I told you about might be very simple. However, this way is really important to handle any other problem in your life. Let me summarize my way of problem-solving.
Stop a second. Try to leave the environment in your mind. This is trying to think of events separating from yourself. As if you are not the one who is troubling by the problem. Try to watch yourself somewhere above.
What do you feel? Angry? Upset? Disappointed?
Be aware of what you feel. Then go ahead with the reason. If it is obvious what you feel and why you feel in that way, the next step is watching the other person. Try to understand her. Focus on her expectation.
Expectation, I believe, a very fundamental issue. I think it is the source of all superficial problems. It seems that troubles are occurring only when we do not accept but expect. It is that basic. If one can achieve acceptance rather than expecting, there wouldn’t be a problem anymore.
When I stopped to hear my niece, I saw what she is expecting from me. I was also expecting her to leave me so I can work but that didn’t work to insist on working. Therefore, I stop to expect from her and accept that she needs to play. Now, the problem no more belongs to me but her. Only that approach is even helping not to get angry when you think that someone is asking help from you instead of annoying you.
Is your wife so angry? What if you do not expect her to be calm and accept that she is angry and asking for help from you for what reason she is angry?
Is money your problem? What if you achieve to accept to live with what you have in your pocket?
Is career the issue? What if someone convinces you that career has no importance and you accept not to have a good career a good thing?
The problems are problems as long as you label them as problems. Once you accept your situation as normal, as a part of life, there are not problems anymore. And, the reason to label situations as problems is the expectation.
If you stop expecting from people, how can you have a problem with anyone? And, if you stop expecting from life, how can you have any problem in life?
You may say, wait for a second, I want to be happy. If I stop expecting anything, how can I be happy?
Indeed, I am saying that you are not happy because you expect.
Also, there are four main problems you need to solve to be happy.
First, you will die. Second, you need meaning in life. Third, you need love, you can’t live isolated from people. Fourth, you are all free and that is a problem to get the responsibility for everything in your life.
These are main problems and you can’t solve them expecting from life and from other people. They are all about you. You need to go on a journey within yourself. A self-journey is a whole big issue to talk about. For now, I only would say, there is nothing with others nor materials in the world. All is about you, yourself.
Thanks to The Startup.
Previously published on medium
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