Outdated ritual courting models are nerve-wracking and no fun. Greg Simms explains why.
I recently had a female friend of mine complain about the lack of men in her life who simply wanted to go on a date. When I say date, I mean go to a movie, dinner, and a city park, hold hands, and talk about their hopes and dreams. Or their exes. My friend was clearly mystified and upset that the new men she met only wanted to either meet for a quick beer, or go to his/her place. My good friend wondered why dating seemed to be on the wane, and why most men these days were dismissive at the idea of an old fashioned night on the town.
You know me. I had to tell her the truth. I told her, “You want to know why men don’t really date anymore?”
“Because dates suck.”
Yup. You read it here. Dates suck. They petrify men. Single men of the 21st century are scared to death of dates. Scared out of their minds. When a single woman brings up the idea of a date to a single man in 2013, it’s about as sexy as a prostate exam…and men avoid them.
Why do dates suck? Two reasons.
#1. No man wants to get stuck with the crazy lady. The old myth to the male aversion to dates was that a man would feel cheated if he went out with a woman, and he didn’t get to have sex with her after the date. He would spend his money, and he would expect some “lovin'”. And if he didn’t get any, the date was a failure. That’s not the case anymore. Believe it or not, single men in 2013 have evolved considerably from that kind of thinking. It’s not the fear of no nookie that scares men away. It’s the fear of spending time with a woman who’s nuts. If you two go to a sports bar, and talk over beers, if there’s no chemistry, the man and the woman can leave as soon as the check comes. The beer’s been downed, the chicken wings eaten, and this woman/man who’s batshit crazy is in your rearview. But…if a guy takes a woman out on a date, the classic two person extravaganza, then he’s stuck with her for at least two hours. If she’s a cool woman, great. If she’s a loon…you’re toast.
I had a date earlier in the year that was a trainwreck. We ate at a seafood restaurant, and had drinks later. It was some of the most painful time I’ve ever spent with another adult. She wasn’t mean. Just… dull. And sad. There’s nothing wrong with a woman loving and making her kids the number one priority in her life. But… that’s all she was. There’s nothing sexy about a Dora The Explorer conversation. Nothing. I knew this date was screwed when the appetizers arrived. Imagine having a three hour conversation about kids you don’t know and kid stuff you’ve barely heard of. And I couldn’t get away. Not with high priced seafood on the way, and a woman who had kids that were to be picked up at 9 pm (The date started at 5:30 pm).
This is why single men these days prefer to meet at sports bars. Or his place. Or your place. Conversation, analysis… and then naked Twister. That’s what single men are looking for. You can add or remove the Twister part… but my point is, single men (and any single women) really want to know about you. We don’t need to extra “stuff” that dates are about.
#2. The money. Dates were more popular in the 20th century because….men didn’t know how to talk. Let’s face it, single men have really only started talking with women since “Oprah” hit the air. In years past, dates were important because men wanted to impress women, and they didn’t know quite how to with words. So, men were taught to spend a small fortune on women. Fast forward to today, and you know what one of the sexiest things in the world is? A single man and woman talking in a coffee shop. Barnes & Nobles is a better turn-on than Outback Steakhouse. When we live in a world where conversation is key to relationships, why spend a ton of money on your first night out with someone you just met?
Here’s another scenario. All single men have that one friend that was murder in the nightclub. He could mack on a woman with only his charm and witty wordplay. Now, we also had the friend who pulled his share of women by buying things for them. He’s bought her drinks. Wine, Henny, Jack and Coke. Now, he may have gotten a few phone numbers, but who really “won” that night? The guy who maxed out his credit card for a hug? Or the guy who talkedto the women, and got the same amount of play? When single men are anti-date when it comes to money, it’s not about being cheap, it’s about what’s essential. And the conversation and time spent is what’s key. Not a sizable dinner bill.
Now, with all of that said, I’m not saying that single men will never go on dates. Most men, when we do get involved in a relationship, that’s when we pay for the big dates. Men will go all out for their ladies. Hell, in a relationship, a man had better take his girlfriend out to dinner.
But while a man is single, ladies….go meet him for coffee.
This article originally appeared at Examiner.com.
Photo – epSos.de/Flickr