Natalie Vartanian talks about what she learned from the Best ‘Boyfriend’ Ever.
Earlier this year I experienced a revelation when it comes to dating. One of the guys I had recently started seeing blew my mind a bit.
We have wonderful conversations, crazy chemistry and so much fun every single time we are together. It feels almost as if I found one of the diamonds in the rough. Which is why he was quickly referred to as … the Unicorn.
Yes, he knew that was his nickname. That is how candid we were with each other.
There was nothing off limits during our conversations. We shared where we were at in our lives and what we wanted presently in regards to relationships.
Luckily we both wanted the same thing – purely light and casual – so it was way easier to be present because we knew we were on the same page.
I have dated quite a bit over my career and it is a rare occasion when I meet someone where the interactions are easy, yet energetic.
To give some perspective, I started online dating back when people would concoct fake stories of how they met in order to avoid admitting the internet had anything to do with it.
“What should we tell people when they ask us how we met?”
“Errr … ummm … we met at the grocery store?!”
Oh how times have changed.
Think about it, the last 10+ years has seen drastic differences in the way we interact with one another because of the technological era, especially in the dating arena.
In its evolution, there have been pluses and minuses, similar to anything in life.
I would say a big plus is that we have way more access to easily meet people, specifically folks that are similar in values and goals (thank you online dating profiles).
Plenty more ‘fish’ in that metaphorical sea!
A big minus however is the shift in our outlook on dating.
If you think about dating as a culinary experience, it resembles fast food more than fine dining these days.
When you are used to crappy burgers, of course a T-Bone Steak is going to stand out.
In my humble opinion, the unlimited number of options has gotten us lazy in the whole courting process.
Lazy = Boring.
Going back to my experiences with Mr. Unicorn … He was proactive, present, inquisitive, open and light hearted from our initial phone conversation.
During our first date we talked for three hours, about anything and everything, then proceeded to have some of the best sex of my life. 5 hours folks. Yes, 5.
Not that this situation started happening on a regular basis, it was definitely a magical spontaneous experience, but it said so much about the energy of that first night – engaging, exciting, thought-provoking, flirty, funny and completely comfortable.
We were being ourselves, which I don’t know about you, is refreshing as all hell!
We are so adventurous together sexually. So much fun! Told my friend as I was getting ready for one of our next dates that he brings out my inner sex kitten.
Makes me want to dress up, be seductive, have open, flirty, honest dialogue.
Basically, allow me the space to be my feminine self … or HyperFeminine as he so endearingly calls me (trust me, that is a compliment in my eyes).
It was during that date that I realized what made this guy so special.
First off, we are at a Burlesque Show on my birthday weekend. Already a stellar human being in my opinion.
Anyone who would so enthusiastically want to join me in a passion of mine is okay in my book.
But it was when we started discussing dating as an activity, before the show started, that I had an aha moment.
He said the way he sees dating is that it should be fun. In my head I went over all of our interactions to date and they had been exactly that.
We have so much fun whenever we spend time together. Even when we don’t. Texting dialogue? Awesome.
I brought up my observation that the main reason most people have bad dates is because when they think of dating, their gut reaction is “hard, draining, intimidating, pointless” etc. They go in to the date expecting that to happen. And surprise, surprise, it happens.
My dear Unicorn pointed out that he goes in with “I am going to really enjoy this person’s company and have a good time.”
And that is what he gets: really fun engaging dating experiences. Almost every time.
The revelation was actually a bit of a confirmation for me. When I myself decided to approach dating from a different perspective a while back, shit changed real quick! In an amazing way.
All I had to do was look at our connection to mirror and confirm that.
I decided I want to truly be connected to the people I date. Regardless of if we are in a “relationship” or not. Regardless of our dating ‘status’.
For example: just because we are in a casual relationship does not mean I do not care about you as a human being.
When my entire outlook on love and relationships shifted, I began attracting way more men who felt the same way. Thank goodness.
Moral of the Story: Take Mr. Unicorn’s advice on your outlook to dating. Make it fun. Enjoy yourself.
Who knows … it may lead to some really fun and liberating sexy time.