If we think of marriage as a game, we immediately strategize on how to win our spouses’ hearts the way we did the very first time. The problem is that our partners grow and change throughout life. To keep dating your spouse like you did in the past is not going to work anymore. As you will hear on our show today, the game of marriage is infinite. The goal is not to win, but to keep playing.
Today we have our fourth female guest on The Dad Edge. Her name is Cara Miller and she a developmental coach with a unique academic background, including wealth of insightful knowledge about how people connect and feel that sense of belonging that is so important for a rich, fulfilling life.
In this episode, Cara Miller tells how to initiate change in our relationships by dating our spouses for who they are today instead of who they were when we first met them. She reveals simple, actionable steps we can take to become experts on the people we love, including kids, friends, and coworkers.
About Cara Miller, MDIV, PHD
Cara T. Miller is a professor, executive developmental coach, organizational design and change consultant in the fields of leadership, organizational development, adult development, and spiritual formation. Cara received a Master of Divinity from Princeton Theological Seminary and a PhD in Leadership Studies at the University of San Diego.
Cara draws on developmental psychology to coach people in many contexts (executives, partnerships, teams), adaptive leadership theory to consult to diverse organizations engaging in change efforts (military, higher education, finance, ministry), and is committed to first, second, and third person, here-and-now practices that support the sustainability of this integrative work.
What You’ll Learn
- Why we pursue learning, yet resist change
- How we can build neural pathways to change our habits and thinking
- Why in focusing on ‘being’ first, the doing will follow
- Why it won’t work if you try to keep dating your spouse the way you did the first time
- Why the goal of the game of marriage is not to win, but to continue playing
- How to learn who your spouse is now
- How to get out of the loop of expectation
- How to make yourself date-able again to your spouse
- How to fill the tank of your relationships ahead of time to prepare for stressful situations
- How to fulfill her needs based on what you want from her
- How you can practice these communication techniques on your wife before moving on to your kids
- How to be an interesting father to each of your kids
- How to warm up for a heavy conversation with a pre-conversation
- How your relationship is not something you have, it’s something you’re in
- Why guessing what your partner wants is not going to work
- How to create a way to be together as a couple that is different than it was and fits who you are right now
Cara Miller’s Links
Originally published on The Good Dad Project
Photo courtesy of author