The folks over at OkCupid—the humbly titled “best dating site on Earth”—have put on their math-hats again … this time to calculate the relationship between what photos men find attractive and which ones they act on. (That is, which women they send a message to.)
- Guys dig controversy. “The more men, as a group, disagree about a woman’s looks, the more they end up liking her”
- Cute doesn’t cut it. “Guys tend to ignore girls who are merely ‘cute.’”
- Ugly girls got game: “Having some men think she’s ugly actually works in a woman’s favor.”
These claims are backed with stats collected from OkCupid’s rich data on user activity. Here’s OkCupid blogger, Christian Rudder:
All people, but especially guys, spend a disproportionate amount of energy searching for, browsing, and messaging our hottest users. As I’ve noted before, a hot woman receives roughly 4× the messages an average-looking woman gets, and 25× as many as an ugly one. Getting swamped with messages drives users, especially women, away. So we have to analyze and redirect this tendency, lest OkCupid become sausageparty.com. … Every so often we run diagnostic plots like the one below, showing how many messages a sampling of 5,000 women, sorted by [rated] attractiveness, received over the last month.Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free
The study compared real users, such as the ones pictured below, to illustrate that while men can judge two women’s relative attractiveness to be similar on average, it’s the women whose numbers skew either to the far left or right that get the most messages.
In short, the girls that guys deem either hot or hideous—but not so-so—are the ones who get approached the most. Why? Here’s Rudder’s the highly scientific hypothesis:
Suppose you’re a man who’s really into someone. If you suspect other men are uninterested, it means less competition. You therefore have an added incentive to send a message. You might start thinking: maybe she’s lonely … maybe she’s just waiting to find a guy who appreciates her … at least I won’t get lost in the crowd … maybe these small thoughts, plus the fact that you really think she’s hot, prod you to action. You send her the perfectly crafted opening message: “sup”
The rest of the post is equally interesting; there’s even a punnett square-like graphic. And an explanation for this equation:
So what do you think, guys? Is this accurate? Do you go for the evolutionarily most accessible woman? Or is it just our varied tastes that account for this?
Discuss among yourselves.
Images OkCupid and boomer33_2007/Photobucket
there is more than ugly-pretty. Sex Appeal and positivity are counting. some find Rubens hot others ugly. Beeing poor makes ugly. Success attractive.
If you are lonely you feel uglyand rejected.
If you are ugly you choose lso uglier partners!
Most want average. Hair like everybody, nose average, height normal. But after all you need to share the same style and preferences and simply accept the other!
By the way I am victime of crime so I got ugly alone by age – no one likes problems or complications either 🙂
you can try an attractive photo online. I did. More attractive men came and as I told really stupid rubbish to them they didn’t recognize – only the photo counted. Maybe I should talk like this all the time ? So men does not look for intelligent woman! A bit stupid, uncomplicated, happy fits
It’s the facial expression the first girl has that shows guys she’s down for a good time… the other girl has a wholesome smile that says “I like hikes.” While that one may be a good impression to find a LTR partner, the first one is going to attract more men on dating sites. I’m just saying….
I hope my views don’t offend anyone, God bless you all. I think that there are way too many articles about what men like concerning dating and everyone seems to presume thats okay. Isn’t anyone getting a bit tired of being programmed to mate and reproduce on every platform, be it online or through media. Does anyone notice the state of the world and the amount of people dying everyday? Has anyone thought about how many people are completely unprepared for what comes after death? Oh, and the divorce rates keep sauring but strangely enough people are getting married more?… Read more »
Well said hope
How is first one ugly….I am like I want to pounce on her. 😀
In my opinion the first girl is realy hot, for me she is like 9, the second in my opinion is about 6 umm. just saying.
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I been single almost 9 years okay yes I’m unattractive but I never get any guys msg me or talk to me . so this post is rubbish .
I even went on ugly ppl dating . compare nd ugly bug ball year no msgs ??
do being ugly doesn’t get you guys . I know i been ugly all my life.
Both girls are pretty. The first girl getting more “1’s” is a matter of style preference I’d say. A lot of guys probably don’t like her hairstyle. And the reason she is more popular overall is that she gives off more of a “sexy” vibe, and men probably think they have a better chance of scoring with her than the other girl. I would guess the results have little to do with straight-up “looks.”
Absolute rubbish. I -am- an ugly woman, and have been for going on 37 years. At best, you’re invisible to men. At worst, women (usually women, not gonna lie) will mock and degrade you because –let’s face it– human beings are instinctively social creatures. Any one of the “herd” that doesn’t match up to conventional standards is shunned and abused. It’s why ugly people are paid less. It’s why we are treated more poorly. It’s why we are invisible on television and in movies. The world would like it if we just didn’t exist. Sadly, ugliness is only a physical… Read more »
You are definitely not ugly dear. Not at all
I agree with Michelle. You are not ugly at all, and it’s sad that you think you are. The expression you have in your pic makes you appear unfriendly, though.
Seeing your picture, I’d like to tell you that you’re far from ugly. If you want to know what ugly looks like, you should take a look at me. I’m hideous. I think you would easily figure in the category of the pretty women. But back to the main point, what you said is exact. Women who aren’t close to what we see in the media are rejected, especially where I come from where society actually works on looks.
do you cinsider yourself tfl ?? your actually cute no really and im a man so there
You’re not ugly at all if that’s you in the picture.
And I’m very straight by the way.
If that is your real pic, you aren’t ugly – average at worst and truthfully above average for late 30s
Your not ugly, I find you pretty
I definitely agree regarding males approaching more ugly women online, because I know what I’ve seen on facebook and in groups. The ugly, homely out of shape chicks get the most likes on their photos and they become more confident to post more ugly photos daily. In many situations, like in facebook groups, they’re easy to get sex from.
Jesus fucking christ, where are the men who realize they don’t have the RIGHT to assume that their subjective opinion of ANYONE’S appearance means anything to anyone else or has any objective truth to it whatsoever? ANY MAN who thinks any women he perceives as “ugly” or “beautiful” really is, is UNACCEPTABLE. POINTLESS. NOT WORTH EVEN TALKING TO. Until a man gets that his opinion is SOLELY HIS OPINION and has nothing to do with anyone else or anything else, he’s worthless. He’s a joke. He’s living in his sick little dream world. He’s waiting for people to act in… Read more »
Based on your replies (this and below) on this article we can confirm you’re one of those ugly, angry women that hates men for not conforming to your delusion that you’re a goddess.
Don’t worry there’s always more cats
The problem is very attractive women are too expensive. Think about it in terms of cars. Sure, everyone would love to drive a porsche, a lambo or an aston martin, but how many people actually do that? Instead, Honda, Hundai, Toyota and other lower brand models like Saturn and Kia, get the most customers and the most purchases.
The same deal is with female attractiveness.
Yeah, the difference is that women are not cars that you can buy, most women are financilaly independent and all that you said makes no sense.
So you just admit men value model-like women over the still pretty but that hot woman even when he is ugly himself, and that attractiveness is all about a woman’s appearance. And that men believe they are actually buying women when dating them. And that men feel they are settling for less when not dating the hottest women out there, and as women are like cars, like you said, with no personalities, wishes, feelings or dreams, they could pretty much tarde them for a better (hotter) one when having the money to do so, without any shame. Men are so… Read more »
Holy shit, this asshole thinks being a “good man” means equating women to cars. Let me the FUCK out of here! These guys are SHITS.
I am a women and From a realistic standpoint, guys enjoy cars more than girls in my opinion. I have used an entire metaphorical discussion WITH CARS talking about relationships and psychological views to my boyfriend all about girls haha. I’m a loyal down to earth cute girl who loves being in relationships with genuine nice guys. I don’t care about looks bad or good, But if you have a higher attractiveness for appeal I get worried that more people want you/more have had you. And it’s automatically something that pushes me to steer away and a turn off. I… Read more »
What men don’t realize is that the women who are truly lonely are the attractive ones. It is a stereotype that all attractive women are expensive and high maintanence. I know some drop dead gorgeous women who simply want a decent guy who isn’t only interested in having sex with her. One of the reasons why attractive women “seem” expensive is because men don’t seem to have enough confidence in their ability to have an attractive woman until they make a lot of money. Men are very insecure about competition and when they see a woman who looks like she… Read more »
But the problem is that all the decent men bail while the assholes, playboys, users, and douchey rich dudes are the only men willing to approach her. So what’s stopping these attractive women from approaching the decent men and ditching the assholes, playboys, etc…? Sure you can say that not all attractive women act the way Andrew describes above but once you meet enough that do its no wonder they are prone to stereotyping them. Likewise I don’t see much objection to women stereotyping men as jerks after meeting a string of bad guys. Not many people telling them that… Read more »
Hi Danny. I’m a very down to earth woman. Looks wise I think I’m decent looking. But I have ever been told multiple times that I’m drop dead gorgeous. I only have the sketchy play boy types of men pursuing me. And every time I spot a nice decent good man, and I attempt to become friends with him, they automatically think I’m aggressive, or throwing myself at them . It’s heartbreaking. You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Men these days are a mess.
Right you are!!!!!!
The homlier the better because I see the attractiveness in homely women.
yeah but do those chicks swallow ?
Not if you won’t drink her squirting. Or actually make her squirt for that matter.
Please, look at the facebook photo and tell me what you think of this woman.
How do you rate her????
If you’re squiring around a consensus “hot” woman, you have the distraction of every Tom, Dick, and Harry staring at her, trying to make time with her, etc. If you’re with a big girl, a gal with a big nose, outsized ass, downy hair on the upper lip, or what have you, you get to deal with asshole remarks.
All this data proves, is that a woman’s beauty is directly proportional to the amount of times she’s asked out.
However, it also proves that most women (that are considering dating sites) are perceived as average, or ugly, by most men.
I think this piece is right on. I have an unconventional “ethnic” look. I really don’t get hit on that much, but men always stare at me, and when men actually do talk to me, they assume I have a looong line of suitors. It’s funny to me.
I did actually try OK Cupid and I got so many messages I couldn’t take it, so I shut it down.Most guys are creepy anyway. I think there’s too many flaky men out there, I believe they should have the backbone to approach someone in real life!
I’m going to focus on your comment and respond to you directly, not really in-line with the article at all… up to you if you want to respond: Isn’t that the weirdest thing, with the “I think she looks like X so she must have a shit-tonne of experience. I shall write her off as an intimidating slut” thing? I know what that’s like: while I’m not hot and don’t get hit on often at all, but when people DO walk up to me they look me up and down get really sneaky about trying to fish out information on… Read more »
Amen, Miriam. I just joined Ok Cupid because men *only* stare, and never approach. At least with online dating, it’s like having a sign on your forehead that says “I’m available. Ask me out.”
Give me a nerdy PhD with glasses, in a little black dress.
That’s the problem sometimes. I’m nerdy and I attend an ivy league but I don’t look the part. I look more like a model (or atleast that’s what everyone says) than I look like an awkward nerd so I feel like my intellectual counterparts never approach me and they never give me a chance. Therefore, I am left with no dates. People always say that I should let my personality shine through more but sometimes its difficult to do that when people have already judged you before you open your mouth. Considering that I do attend an ivy league school,… Read more »
As long as her body is super hot, right? Intelligence is only a plus. 🙂
I must say that I laughed my rear off at this clever piece. Well done. While I haven’t been in the dating game for 32 years, I’m ever so amused to see that the twin arguments “… maybe she’s just waiting to find a guy who appreciates her … at least I won’t get lost in the crowd ” still has currency. I also wonder if it might be useful to plot the average (#calls*x) vs x=attractiveness to produce a monotonic function. If there is a bump/bulge mid-range of the plot, it bears out the claim that `ugly’ (e.g. average)… Read more »
Men see a really hot chick and know that she will be hard to please and require too much time, money, and emotional support. Men do not want to work that hard.
That is the plain truth, dude. Additionally, they mistakenly believe we are more likely to leave for a “better” guy.
And, then they get pissed off when the average looking women tell them to go fuck themselves. (Hint: there is always a BETTER GUY than YOU.)
The interesting result would be to see how many of the messages that the “high and low” women receive come from men who rate the women as highly attractive and how many from men who rate the women as not attractive. If the women are receiving messages from men who rate them as unattractive, then the headline has some validity. As I look at the example given, I think, “Okay, one woman has three times as many men who rate her as very attractive. Therefore, I’m not surprised that she has three times as many messages as the other one.… Read more »
I personally like women that I am comfortable with and I can have a conversation with, if she is also HOT that is a bonus. A woman has to have a little sex appeal to get my attention but if she acts like a tramp I take a hike fast. I would say that most guys want a pretty girl who they feel comfortable around, if men feel like a woman has a lot of mileage between her legs they lose interest fast.
Funny, I didn’t know someone around whom I felt comfortable and whom I could have a conversation with was mutually exclusive with someone who’s had a lot of sex.
@Dan: “if men feel like a woman has a lot of mileage between her legs they lose interest fast.”
Do not talk for every man; I’d rather have those women. 8)
More (sexual) experience means better sex, less inhibitions, more open minded. The more the better. 🙂
I’ll leave the virgins and prudes to you. 😉
At least you are honest. Men really dislike women who have gad more sex than them, or even less but “too much” in their sexist minds. And you forgot to add: it is not only about how much sex, but mostly how many partners. They lose interest to date them, but not to fuck, though. Oh yes, “promiscuous” women are always great to fuck, but never to respect or treat like a human being. Now even if the guy is promiscuous himself that is sill fine and he still believes he is good for relationships. sigh.
The key is whether the GUY thinks the GIRL is hot and presumes she is getting asked out a lot, or not. THe issue isn’t really what the woman is, but what the assumptions about her are. I often hear such nonsense “oh she probably has guys hitting on her all the time” when in reality NO ONE hits on “her” bc they’re all operating on preconcieved, incorrect assumptions that she is high in demand, has a line of men waiting for her etc. You’d be surprised how untrue that is for a lot of women. Men also tend to… Read more »
I remember in college the most beautiful women were not asked out nearly as much a average looking women, No one likes rejection. If a person’s mind set tells them that they will be rejected then there is little incentive to risk rejection.
A problem with online dating is the “no show” people who message a good time but never meet.
Guys, ever see a girl with a guy and think “How did he end up with her”?
Maybe nobody else asked her.
Yeah rejection sucks, but potentially losing out on something great sucks even more.
And it’s asinine assumption that prettier girls are high maintenance. I know a number of them who have hearts of gold. Alot of them get snatched up right away, some are still waiting to be asked (dudes, if you can stare, you can say hello).
You hit the nail on the head! I’ve had numerous men look at me in utter shock when I told them that men don’t approach me very often. They always tell me that they would’ve assumed that I had men lined up around the corner but I don’t. I’ve always been a victim of those assumptions and it makes my dating life a bit more difficult. I also have a very out-going personality so I think most men assume that a very attractive woman with a very out going personality must be in high demand therefore they don’t want to… Read more »
I don’t think the study actually concludes that “men like ugly women”.
IMO, it has more to do with rejection of superficial princesses and preference for real people.
I look for sensible shoes.
A wise man once said, “There’s nothing hotter than a hot girl who doesn’t know she’s hot.”
She doesn’t know she is hot but she is still a a hot girl. The wise and hot part is where the guy falls for her hot body and then makes her sure about her hotness?