Perhaps the most common misconception about the Good Men Project is that we’re trying to tell people how exactly to be good men. But if you’ve spent more than five minutes reading us, you’d know that our purpose isn’t to ram a preconceived notion about goodness or manhood down anyone’s throat. Instead, our goal is to just talk about it: what it means, how we define it individually and collectively, who we think are doing a damned good job of it.
And then, every once in a while, we come upon something like this, and I understand why people make the mistake. The second annual “Gentleman’s Showcase” is the brainchild of the Network of Enlightened Women (or NeW), a campus organization for conservative women looking to “cull the testosterone-infused, scraggly bearded herd roaming most college campuses looking for a few ‘keepers.’” An online contest, it hopes to crown the exemplary gentleman by the following criteria, outlined on their website. Here’s an excerpt:
- A gentleman opens your door for you, without expecting anything in return.
- A gentleman shovels his neighbor’s car out of the snow.
- A gentleman helps an older woman carry her groceries.
- A gentleman treats you like the lady you are.
Their promotional video (embedded below) is a series of impromptu interviews with college kids struggling to define the qualities of a “gentleman” and answering the question “do you think they’re extinct?” The whole endeavor reeks of gender-role nostalgia: a throwback to an age when women were expected to wilt and men were expected to catch them as they wilted. It’s a definition of masculinity jammed into a strict man-corset of specific behaviors and expectations. (And those who don’t restrict themselves are disqualified from the contest.)
This is a perfect example of what the Good Men Project is not. A definition, not a conversation; a narrowing, not a widening. There’s obvious merit to encouraging respect among peers, but to assign “gentlemanly behavior” to men is to reinforce gender tracks that crumble under the weight of modern transport. Our very own Henry P. Belanger sums it up in an interview with Politico:
They may be right—and I’m inclined to agree—that there’s a lack of common courtesy and human kindness around. Wanting to be treated in a more respectful way, everyone wants that. But I don’t see why it should have to be about gender roles.
There’s nothing wrong with opening doors for your fellow human beings. Awarding a prize and a label to a specific tract of people? That’s where they’ve lost me.
Image anyjazz65/Photobucket
Let’s not forget that Ted Bundy came across as a very, very charming gentleman. He gave the impression of someone who was very helpful to women…..
It’s conservative anti-feminism. How can you claim it’s feminists who want to return to antiquated gender roles, with men pulling out chairs and paying all the bills? It’s classic traditional patriarchy.
I have taught at the university level for over fifteen years. In terms of common courtesy on campuses, what I see is a serious lack of awareness that cuts across ALL gender lines. I see many male and female students failing to notice that they are being inconsiderate of other people – sitting and chatting on the bottom step of a busy stairwell, having a long conversation in a busy doorway, answering a cell phone in the middle of class, walking slowly in a group in the middle of a walkway without any room to pass, riding a bike at… Read more »
You think Gen Y are bad? Wait until you’re teaching Gen Z and the millenials – they actually pick fights with you if you give them a simple instruction in class!
The GMP is obviously a feminist stronghold as many of Hugo’s articles shame men. He’s also an admitted feminist. This means all his views are going to be poisoned with the female entitlement philosophy currently destroying our society and ruining relationships in record numbers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plkeKMTDM9g
The solution is simple. Treat feminists with the same courtesy that you give to other men, no more. That is the equality they have long been seeking. Let the feminists have their equality it but continue to open doors, shovel cars out of the snow, offer seats and carry groceries for ladies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plkeKMTDM9g
■A gentleman opens your door for you, without expecting anything in return.
■A gentleman shovels his neighbor’s car out of the snow.
■A gentleman helps an older woman carry her groceries.
Just some practical questions here:
What if a gentleman’s neighbor is a gentleman? Do they shovel each other’s car?
If two gentlemen are going for the same door, who holds for whom?
Do older men have to carry their own groceries?
This is just as damaging as the issues that feminism came about to fight against. I don’t identify myself as a feminist. I don’t have an opinion as to whether women should work or stay home after they have children. I am thankful that I live in an age where it was my choice and not forced on me one way or the other. But the truth of the matter is feminists were supposed to fight for equality. Once they achieved that (and they HAVE achieved that- don’t be fooled by studies citing the wage gap that never address the… Read more »
These women in the video are not identified as feminists… rather, they are self identified as conservatives who hearken to a pre-feminist time.
These women are prominent, self-identified anti-feminists. Don’t associate that level of asshattery with us.
There is no such thing as conservative feminism. Its an oxymoron. And you’re a moron.
First of all, who is “we”… speak for yourself.
Second, you can’t just change the definition of feminism to suit your purposes.
Third, you’re a paranoid nutcase.
I think that it’s a campaign centered towards promoting gentlemen-like behavior on college campuses and this in turn promotes ladylike behavior as well. It’s all about respect between the sexes, not about what gentlemen do in particular-but a bigger message.
As a college student myself, I’m glad that someone out there is talking about chivalry-it seems like it’s disappearing today to me.
As a college student myself, I’m glad that someone out there is talking about chivalry-it seems like it’s disappearing today to me. With the way people think of chivalry these days it needs to disappear. Men acting a certain way to prove they’re men and women acting a certain way to prove they’re women, oops I meant gentlemen and ladies. Pretty f’d up on both sides. Please. This contest does nothing but put men (and women) back into the narrow boxes that a lot of us don’t really want to be in any more. Being nice shouldn’t be gendered behavior.… Read more »
Yes, Danny, spot on. One of the things I have against “chivalry” in opposition to just flat-out courtesy is that with chivalry, women are the recipients of most of these gestures. I like being well-mannered to everyone – I hold doors open for people regardless of gender, I happily offer my seat to men who look like they’ve been walking or standing longer than I have been, and I enjoy that I am able to afford to shout a man a coffee or beer. Those little social lubricants don’t just make life more pleasant – when I am in the… Read more »
Let’s be fair here. A preference for gentlemen is a kink that’s just as valid as any other kink, really. Here are a group of women describing a specific type of appearance and behavior they find attractive in a mate, and they report finding a too small selection. Sounds like any other sexual preference to me! Different stokes for different folks, as it were.
My ex-boyfriend also had a strong preference for gentlemen. He said that even the closet cases tended to be very affectionate, gentle, and giving lovers.
Here’s one place where they lost me: “cull the testosterone-infused, scraggly bearded herd roaming most college campuses looking for a few ‘keepers.’” 1.) Men and women both have testosterone. It is “infused” in just about everyone’s body. Testosterone is not a poison. 2.) I fail to see what having particular facial hair has to do with manners, respect, and civility. I’m guessing a fair number of the most obnoxious men on campuses are actually quite clean-shaven. 3.) A herd is a quite disrespectful term for a group of human beings. I’m not insulted, but I think it’s going to be… Read more »
Lists of behaviours are for those who haven’t developed empathy and compassion for their fellow human beings. A true gentleman, or gentlelady for that matter, treat others with consideration, courtesy and respect because it is part of their world view not because of a predefined list developed by others.
Today’s Gentleman is a good man because he wishes to be for his own reasons, for the improvement of the lives of those around him.
>There’s obvious merit to encouraging respect among peers, but to assign
Exactly. Manners and respect for one’s fellow human being is gender neutral.