Trigger warning for discussion of rape. Hat tip to Titab and Elizabeth for pointing me to the story.
Survivors UK, an organization working with male survivors of rape, has begun an advertising campaign to raise awareness of male survivors of rape and to fight the stigma that male rape survivors face. Apparently it’s been quite well-promoted too: Elizabeth reports seeing it multiple times on the same escalator on the London Underground.
Picture below the cut.
[Football on the grass: real men get raped, and talking about it takes real strength.]
On one hand, I definitely support the message. Real men (that being everyone who identifies as a man) are raped, just like real members of any other gender are raped. The poster succinctly fights against two major sources of rape culture against men: people who believe that men cannot be raped, and people who believe that men who are raped are weak or unmanly.
But I’m still torn. First of all, “get raped” is problematic terminology, because it places the burden of being raped on the survivor, instead of on the attacked. “Are raped” is preferable. However, given that “get raped” is the vernacular, it’s important to make the poster as accessible as possible, and not everyone has kept up with the Social Justice Offensive Language of the Month Club, I’m inclined not to be pissed off.
More serious is the use of “real man.” The phrase “real man” implies that there are some men who are fake. The phrase has an absolutely shitty homophobic, transphobic, and femmephobic history: queer, trans, or feminine men are far more likely to be declared not real men than their heterosexual, cis, masculine counterparts. However, even ignoring intersectionality, “real man” is a deeply worrisome phrase, because almost every time it’s used is gender-policing.
Real men like football. Real men don’t cry. Real men eat steak. Real men like casual sex. Real men are successful. Real men can fight. Real men don’t complain when they’re hurt. Real men are chivalrous to women. Real men never watch soap operas or read romance novels. Real men are never abused or raped.
Is it really a victory to change the last one and not everything else?
The picture even reinforces the idea, with its imagery of the rugby ball: real men, who like rugby, are raped, not just those silly pseudo-men that you thought rape survivors were! Did you know you can like sports and still be raped? It’s true!
Even worse, the “real men” imagery devalues some survivors: men who are, for whatever reason, not considered “real” are still raped and, in some situations (such as prison), be disproportionately likely to experience rape. By saying that “real men get raped,” they’re de facto erasing and presenting as less important the rape of every man who doesn’t conform totally to gender norms.
And then there’s “talking about it takes real strength.” What about the men who don’t feel strong when talking about their rapes? What about the men who feel broken and weak? Their experiences are just as valid as any other survivor’s. It seems like it’s unintentionally reinforcing the idea that rape survivors, especially men, have to be strong, and that if you cry a lot, have PTSD, can’t get out of bed sometimes, get flashbacks, can’t have sex, or experience any other of a wide variety of normal reactions to rape, you are failing as a rape survivor.
Still, advertising is very rarely nuanced: you have to have a simple message that people remember. Perhaps people will view “talking about it takes real strength” as saying that, whether or not a survivor feels strong, he is being strong by talking about his rape. That seems supportive and empowering. And certainly the idea that real men get raped– that rape is something that can affect anyone, not just queer men or femme men or weak men– is an important one. Not only will it encourage more gender-conforming men to acknowledge their rapes, but it will help get rid of some of the stigma that if you’re a rape survivor you must be unmasculine. I mean, the ideal would be to get rid of the stigma associated with being unmasculine, but don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
Thoughts?
Personally, I don’t see any problem with the ad. First of all, it’s not a “football,” it’s a ball for rugby — which is a totally different sport. Secondly, the word “real” plays on the way that both males and females discourage men and shape them into conforming to gender norms (e.g. “real” men don’t cry, “real” men aren’t weak, etc.). One of the additional difficulties men face when they’re raped is feeling like “less than a man.” Part of this feeling comes from the misconception that being penetrated at all makes you less of a man (this particular conception… Read more »
Been staring at that picture for five minutes trying to figure out what that thing is.
Is it a puffy bag of stovetop popcorn? A football with a nail in it? A half-deflated balloon? wth is it?!
“Men Are Raped” Simple. The more simple the words the easier the message becomes. It doesn’t matter what type of man you are. Men Are Raped. All types.
@Geo: First of all, regarding meat: I disagree, have you ever heard people talk about mechanically separated chicken? Not to draw parallels between non-“real” men and chicken nuggets, just saying meat might not be the best example. Secondly, while I understand your concerns about alienation, that argument would seem to preclude targeting anyone specifically. Certainly, the message could be put forth that men are raped without using the real man trope, but this ad is aimed at this one group, and meant to affect them deeply. Not to make too tortured an analogy: a shotgun may have a more inclusive… Read more »
The wording might not be perfect but I think you have to talk to people where they are, using the language they use rather from where you would like them be using the language you woudl prefef them to use. Certainly at the start of a conversation.
In this case I think accessibility is probably more useful than strictly appropriate language.
This campaign is huge progress.
Maybe it is not perfect… but is is a dramatic improvement.
Also Real Man is a phrase that is reclaimed all over the place, real men cry, gay men are real men, ect…
@chrislittlesun: hrm, true enough…
“I agree, simply adding “too” would have made it a better in a lot of ways, especially addressing complaints of inclusiveness, and it never crossed my mind to do so. Odd how simple solutions can evade us, isn’t it?” But, as I see it, one of the strengths of the advert is that it mimics and subverts what we hear about “real men” (“Real men like football. Real men don’t cry. Real men eat steak. Real men like casual sex” etc). “Real men get raped too” is a) not as snappy and memorable, nor as shocking (having “raped” as the… Read more »
@PetroniusArbiter: I agree, simply adding “too” would have made it a better in a lot of ways, especially addressing complaints of inclusiveness, and it never crossed my mind to do so. Odd how simple solutions can evade us, isn’t it? @Jesus_Marley: I get what you’re saying, but that’s a lot of meaning to cram into a single sentence. Still though, I disagree that to highlight a certain course of action as “strong” is tantamount to calling another course not strong. Only the most petulant of teenagers would think that way when it comes to any other topic, and I think… Read more »
I think the important thing to remember is that in an ad like that they have a very very tiny space to compress information into, and in order for that ad to be considered a “success” it needs to be quite tightly targeted too. That means that while it would be preferable to have the ad dispense with “real men” as a concept, I don’t know that that’s realistic. After all, they’re specifically targeting men who self-identify as “real” and therefore tend to buy into that myth. Hitting the same message while having to spend a bunch of time unpacking… Read more »
Well, just about everything i wanted to say was already said by someone already, so I’ll just mention that as far as I’m concerned the add is effective in what it’s trying to do and it’s a step in the right direction. I don’t see “get raped” as semantically problematic, and as far as “real men”, even though the phrase can have bad connotations, in this particular case it feels more like they are intentionally deconstructing it on at least 2 levels – both as a sarcastic jab at the way “real man” is being used in the mainstream culture… Read more »
Yeah that’s one of my idiosyncrasies. I tend to use man and male interchangeably depending on how they roll off the tongue. “Mens rape is real” works just as well. I was just throwing out an idea. As for the second line, I didn’t want to say “talk about it AND be strong, since I wasn’t trying to convey the message that that is the only way to be strong was to talk. People find their strength in their own ways. Some talk, some don’t. I was really trying to convey a double meaning that encouraged victims to speak out,… Read more »
@Jesus_Marley: I feel like telling someone both to be strong and to talk about it, rather than suggesting that doing so is a good thing, would run afoul of the points Ozy makes regarding PTSD etc. to a greater degree. I like the “talking about it takes strength,” because it suggests that the act is a strong one, that facing that humiliation and trauma is a brave action regardless of how it may feel or be portrayed. Secondly, I dislike using the word “male” when what’s meant is “man.” a male can be of any species, but we’re not talking… Read more »
Okay I get the distinct impression that we’re all collectively saying “good, could be a helluva lot better.”
Ozy,
I understand why you’d think of the “real” as offensive. But for me, the “real” had a different notion here, to me it’s saying that this is a problem you can’t avoid *even by following the prescriptions of gender policing* and being as “real” a man as you can following the manual. And once you’re at that point in the thought process, the mental quotation marks around “real” almost seem to add themselves.
I think it important here to listen to the words of a male rape survivor – who wrote me – upset by the “Real Men” Campaign. His works speak for himself: Also, I see what you say about the whole “Real Men” agenda but it is important to understand that form a male survivors perspective, the whole idea of “Real” needs to be thrown out the word as it is offensive and degrading. Several examples is that there has been some campaigns that try to bring support to male survivors in which it was said that “Real Men Speak Out”… Read more »
That would be a weaker ad, in my opinion. But then, that’s from an American viewpoint. Is anti-PC culture strong in Europe like it is in the States?
In agreement with dancingbojangles. Also “real men are raped” has this weird connotation of this homogenous mass of all men everywhere continuously existing in a state of having been raped already. I mean, use it in a sentence with any other group and you get the same results: “teenagers are frustrating” vs “teenagers get frustrating”; “people get into accidents” vs “people are in accidents”. Grammatically speaking, “get” is more correct: it implies possibility. “Are” needs elaboration in order to avoid being a blanket statement about the current state of the subject.
One point of fact.
As I understand it, the ad was timed to coincide with the 6 Nations rugby tournament, and the ad space mostly booked for public transport going to and from Twickenham.
So the whole campaign was very specifically targetting tens of thousands of rugby fans.
I take the point about some of the wording – I hate the “real men” myth in any context, but overall I still think it is a great campaign and long overdue.
@Ozymandias; Complains about awkward phrasing whilst running a blog entitled “No, Seriously, What About Teh Menz”. Which i’ve long complained about as trivialising the pursuit of active discussion of male problems.
I however do agree that the phrasing of the ad is awkward as heck and i’m at a loss to figure out how the imagery does anything to aid the cause. But at least it raises awareness and gets the message out there.
Ideal? No. But then few things are. Lets chalk it up as ‘a step in the right direction’.
I agree that this is indeed a step in the right direction. While I feel that it is a bit clumsy, it does get the message out. Personally, I would have preferred to see something more along the lines of the following:
(picture of a large group of men (12 or so), various ages, ethnicities and social demographics. Both masculine and feminine men)
Male rape is real.
Talk about it. Be strong.
I agree with BlackHumor, this campaign is aimed to macho men who believe that only men they see as unmanly can be raped. Many of these macho men are rugby supporters, hence the pin in a rugby ball.
My main problem is what Jared has said, although I would phrase it slightly differently – it looks to me like it’s implying that men can only be raped by penetration, not in any other way (envelopment for example). I think it does imply the rapist is in possession of a ‘nail’ but I think more problematic is the implication that the victim is something to be penetrated. That said, it *is* a powerful image. I’m with Mori, too – that’s a good advert. I see a fair few of both of these campaigns around England, and it’s definitely a… Read more »
This ad is definitely very visible in London at the moment. I certainly agree that the message is a bit problematic in some ways. The target audience of the ad is male rape survivors, and although they will all have very different experiences of dealing with rape, if some of them find it uncomfortable and feel it diminishes their experiences then the ad has in a way failed, even if some people find it a positive reminder that they are not alone and can get help from SurvivorsUK. Male rape is diminished enough in our society without making it worse.… Read more »
Put me down as disagreeing with the article. Same reasons as dancinbojangles.