—
As a parent, I am acutely aware that kids (yep, boys as well) say odd stuff. Sometimes it’s politically incorrect and you have no idea where it has come from. And, it can be embarrassing. Often, they don’t say it out of hate but sometimes they’re naive. That’s where we as parents come in. It’s not our job to lose our cool when this happens. It’s our job to educate as best we can as to why saying some things can be deemed inappropriate or even offensive.
My son, for example, is a good kid. And, he’s generally got good manners when not over excited or full of sugar. He’s friendly and likable and has a kind heart and soul I’m proud to have nurtured. And yet still on occasions, he’s made comments which could have been taken as derogatory insults. He’s five and doesn’t quite understand but that is where we come in. To explain, to encourage, to suggest and to educate.
It’s not ok to call other children weird for example and of all the choice turns of phrase that Team Fryers has come up with I can categorically rule out that one coming from home. It’s ok to feel a bit anxious if you think someone is feeling sick or unwell and be more careful in their presence it may well be warranted. BUT, it’s not ok to avoid or exclude them.
Difference is not a bad thing. It is what it is and makes the world a more interesting place to live. On occasions, I’ve needed to point that out. Not because of any learned hate but rather because kids can be naturally anxious around the unknown. I think that’s why people say “Kids can be cruel.” Perhaps unintentionally they can but I choose to believe that most kids 5 and under aren’t knowingly anything… they’re just being.
It’s up to us to educate them about all kinds of things EVEN when it’s uncomfortable and embarrassing and you’d rather the ground swallowed you whole and you could pretend you never overheard what was just said. It’s also probably also unfair to assume that any particular phrases or perceptions have all come from home. My son (like most kids) has held some odd beliefs that have come from goodness knows where.
However, we all need to be conscious that as parents it is up to us to correct appropriately, to explain and to educate. People look different from each other, have varied abilities, some have limited mobility, some are non-verbal and some process information in a variety of ways. People have different religions, sexualities, beliefs, food, culture, gender diversity and a variety of varying appearances from skin, to hair, to limbs, weight, freckles, and teeth. And, no one way is the right way.
I’m quite comfortable if my child is not academically gifted, doesn’t exhibit sporting prowess, isn’t overly creative and doesn’t go to University. But I do care if my child excludes others, makes derogatory remarks that go uncorrected and doesn’t learn from the mistakes. And I’d rather he is nice to ALL the kids rather than the ones he deems most popular.
Being unkind is neither funny or cute. Let your kid be the uncool kid, the ‘nerdy’ kid, the kid with frizzy hair, the redhead, the stat person, the maths whizz, the book worm or the ‘weird’ kid. Just never let them knowingly be the mean kid. There are already enough people like that getting around as adults without adding a whole other generation of them.
Educate your kids and model behaviors that promote social justice and foster understanding, acceptance, and awareness. Make sure your children are kind if someone else is excluded or feels left out. Make sure they are clear on right and wrong, boundaries and expressions that are unacceptable. Not only is it our job as parents to rear reasonable and rational humans who understand right and wrong, we might just prevent considerable heartache for them or others now and later on.
We’re coming up to 2020. Mental health matters and bullying is never ok. Systematic bullying or harassment is particularly abhorrent. There are no excuses. The buck stops with the grown-ups to set the bar high enough that no young lives are lost at the hands of bullies and their psychological implications on impressionable minds. Let’s go about planting good seeds. We’re all in this together.
—
What’s your take on what you just read? Comment below or write a response and submit to us your own point of view or reaction here at the red box, below, which links to our submissions portal.
◊♦◊
Sign up for our Writing Prompts email to receive writing inspiration in your inbox twice per week.
Photo: Shutterstock