I wanted you to know
That I love the way you laugh…
Seether feat. Amy Lee of Evanescence
I love music. I love The Blogger Hottie. I loved writing the Music Week posts and the consensus was that the majority of you liked Music Week as well; so I decided to throw in another post inspired by a song that I dig.
Today is Broken by Seether and features Amy Lee of Evanescence. It’s an awesome song with a cool, mellow video and I invite you to check it out at the end of the post.
If you’ve followed the blogmance between The Hottie (A.K.A. Jamie) and myself you know that we are two sarcastic, snarky, completely bombtastic parents. She has a 5-year-old that strikes a pose like nobody’s business and would have Madonna throwing her front and center in the Vogue video! 590 miles East, I have a 13-year-old Drama Queen with a penchant for talking non-stop, asking odd questions, shopping at Forever 21 and not practicing her violin.
With that much distance between us you can see how it’s hard to get much face-to-face time. In lieu of the physical closeness, we do what I like to call T3 (pronounced T-cubed) in our relationship—talking, texting and tweeting.
We also Skype when we can. Yeah, it sucks. But right now it’s our reality and we make the best of the situation.
One of the things I totally dig about The Hottie is the way I make her laugh. I can’t even describe her laugh, but it’s so freakin awesome. It doesn’t matter if she’s laughing with me or at me. Hearing her laugh makes my day a lot brighter.
She makes me laugh also, though I find that 99% of the time I laugh “with” her, where she has a pretty balanced 50-50 ratio of laughing both “at” and “with” me. It’s all good. As long as she’s laughing.
I still remember the first time we had a Skype date. I logged on, typed in her Skype name, let it ring a couple times and heard her voice. For the first few moments I had only audio. I asked where the video was and she said she couldn’t “figure this damn thing out!!!” She finally did and when she popped onto my screen she had a H U G E smile on her face. I asked what the smile was for and she just laughed and said something cute and complimentary about me. Sweet.
‘cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
This next paragraph will sound strange coming from a guy who has done radio for 3+ years, has written for a large number of magazines, newspapers and websites and who, since December 2009 has chronicled his past and present life for people to read, but it’s entirely true.
I talk a lot and write a lot and run my gums with the best of them, but sometimes I have a hard time being open about the real stuff. You know. The deep down stuff.
I may come off as Mr. Tough and like I’m totally together, but sometimes it’s hard. Really hard! Stop snickering. This is a mushy blog post and not one of my usual innuendo-laced ones. Take a moment to compose yourself.
Raising Drama Queen is a tough gig, but one I wouldn’t trade for anything. There are times when I feel completely overwhelmed and I wonder how I’m going to do it. Most of the time, without me saying a word and often without any communication from me, Jamie somehow senses this and gives me encouragement.
She is a very strong woman and it’s nice to hear a strong woman tell me that she loves me and to “pull my head out of my ass because I can handle this shit! Now get going and get your crap done!!!”
Jamie raised M from 6-months on and you can go to her blog, Single Mom Survives, and read about some of those experiences. I’ve learned over the years that everyone has shit to deal with and when it comes to the day-to-day stuff, everybody’s shit is different but it’s not much better or worse than anyone else’s shit.
cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away
I work way too many hours a day and way too many days a week. I’m around people all the time, but I still often feel lonesome. With the exception of doing radio and some of the writers/editors I’ve worked with over the years, I don’t forge friendships with co-workers.
Don’t take that to mean that I’m not friendly at work, because I absolutely am. I just have never been one to get more than, “How are the kids?” “Did you enjoy your vacation?” Or “You know a good Italian joint in Amherst?”
I know who has kids and who doesn’t. I know who’s married and who is banging one of the girls in the office. I also know that he’s not married but is living with his girlfriend-the one he has a son with. I also think he is a douche for doing what he does. I almost wrote the word MONOGAMY on his computer one day, but decided not to.
Sorry. I got on a little roll with that one. I’ve always been the kind of person who preferred to have a small group of friends that I knew well, rather than a ton of friends that I knew only a little about. I’ve made a few friends in Buffalo, but nothing at all like the ones I left in California.
I occasionally feel lonely, but never to the point where I feel sorry for myself about it or feel bad about it. Drama Queen was in California for a month over the summer and it was very lonely around the house—except when The Blogger Hottie was in town. Those were some rad days and she made my house feel like a home!
When she left it kind of sucked, but missing her is totally different than missing anyone else I’ve been involved with. Maybe it’s because I am so comfortable in the relationship. Maybe it’s because in the past I feel like I’ve been more into the girl than she was into me and I was worried. Who knows.
The reality is that I miss the hell out of her when she’s not around, but I’m also very comfortable that I am with the right person and that is the most awesome feeling in the world!