So break my bones
And throw your stones
We all know that life ain’t fair
But there’s more of us
We’re everywhere
Shinedown
I was cruising down Pacific Coast Highway in The O.C. when Bully by Shinedown came blaring through my speakers. I was doing that “nodding your head up and down while you rock out in the car” thing from the opening note but as soon as the lyrics started, my head stopped bouncing. I listened more intently and suddenly some less than stellar memories of elementary, junior high and high school flooded my brain.
I was an unpopular kid [I’ll give you a moment to pick your jaws up off the floor] and this song reminded me of all the tormenting, name calling, teasing and mocking at the hands (and mouths) of several of my classmates. Not only was I bullied and teased, but from fifth grade through my high school graduation is was done while attending Christian school.
I was called every name you can imagine along with a few I can’t remember, though at the time I was 100% sure they were made up. From a young age I went to speech therapy because for some unknown reason my “R” sounded like a “W.” The impediment has since gone away but imagine the name I received considering my last name begins with the letter R. Yeah. I was Weed. Nice, huh?
This post isn’t going to be me whining about how I was picked on in school and how I didn’t deserve it and that my life was ruined and scarred by it. No one deserves to be bullied in any way and it’s always cruel no matter how many times the bully tries to tell people that it’s not. I wasn’t “scarred” by the bullying nor did it “ruin” my life, but I absolutely think it contributes to my lack of self-esteem.
[This is as far as I got the first time I worked on this post. When I came back to it Sunday night I Google’d “Bullying” to find stats and instead first learned of an upcoming movie. After watching the trailer I knew how I wanted to continue.]
A documentary called Bully that opens in theaters April 13 and is bringing bullying back out in the open where it can hopefully be dealt with. This isn’t a movie review because I haven’t seen the movie but I guarantee that my 14-year-old Drama Queen and I will be going sometime in the near future.
I don’t believe that my daughter is a bully nor do I believe she’s being bullied but I think she needs to sit for a couple hours and watch other kids get bullied. I want to make sure she sees firsthand what it feels like to be picked on so that she pays more attention to the way she acts towards others.
It’s 8 A.M.
This hell I’m in
Seems I’ve crossed the line again
For being nothing more than who I am
The bullying I dealt with in elementary and middle school was both physical and emotional, but in high school it was really just a few people who made shitty comments and called me names. To be clear, it didn’t go nearly to the level of bullying the kids in the movie trailer had to endure and as much as mine sucked, I can only imagine what kids in school today deal with.
No longer is it, “Sally told a few girls at recess that my clothes were stupid.” Now Sally can use the power of Facebook, Twitter and e-mail to make sure a few hundred people know about it by lunch time. I should also be clear and let you know that I was a hardcore preppie in high school.
I often wore a tie to school with my pink oxford and argyle sweater vest and I had both penny loafers and saddle shoes. Alex P. Keaton (Family Ties) was kind of a role model at the time. Michael J. Fox is a role model right now. I’m not saying that I brought it on, but I can see how some chose to mock my style rather than to appreciate it.
Whenever I see black and blue
I feel the past
I share the bruise
When I played hockey as an adult I never had a problem sticking up for one of my players. If my teammate happened to have a size or strength disadvantage I happily got in between them, looked at the other guy and said, “You’re dealing with me now. Is there a problem with that?” Typically no one had a problem with that, though there were two occasions where I was punched in the face. The second time knocked out a filling.
[To my Muse… I wasn’t wearing a cage. Or a full shield. Or a half shield for that matter. I was going old school and yes, I know I’m a moron for that. My friend, A.K.A. The Kings Fan, has been telling me the same thing for thirteen years.]
The point to my embarrassing story is that just because you previously or currently have people call you names or take advantage of you, doesn’t mean you have to keep letting it happen. On more than one occasion I’ve called out someone who was being mean to or making fun of someone else. The sad reality is that a lot of the time the bullies don’t care what you think because they are so focused on what they think.
As I mentioned before, the bullying didn’t “scar” me though I’m sure it contributes to the ongoing battle I have with (and am generally losing to) self-esteem. The most vivid high school memories I have are of a few douchebags who said crappy things both to and about me and that’s not cool.
If you were a bully, be like Adam Sandler in Billy Madison and call your Steve Buscemi to apologize. If you were bullied, try to let it go and do your best to fight it off. If you are currently being bullied and feel like you can’t tell your parents, tell a teacher or other adult that you trust. After that, please tell your parents that this isn’t “That kind of website” and that you were working on a school project. I’ll cover your back if you cover mine.
This song may be too loud for some of you but the message comes through loud and clear.
*Trailer for Bully
great post, dude. I know I am a slacker when it comes to commenting, but this is near to my heart. There is not a ton of bullying at my school (no, I am not just in the dark about it, we really do have a tight-knit student body), but I have seen it both growing up and as a teacher. I’ve also seen it online as an adult (and have been victim to those bullying trolls on more than one occasion).
Thank you for writing this post. It’s so important.
@ksluiter Thanks Kate. It’s something that has needed to be addressed for a long time and I’m sorry that it took a song to remind me to talk about it.