Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted in one moment Would you capture it? Or just let it slip?
This is my go-to tune when I’m feeling defeated about my writing. Most of the time, it’s all good. I sit down and it flows somewhat comfortably; but It’s not always puppies and sunshine.
There are times I lose confidence in my writing and it shows. I know I’m good with words, but there are certain things that just freeze me up.
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti
He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
For two years I’ve been working on a book. I’ve gotten next to nothing written and what I do have is pure garbage. I’m probably better off starting over again.
I get genuinely afraid. I’m afraid of doing the book proposal. I don’t know “why” this book should be published. I know it will be better than some of the shit I’ve seen in bookstores. If they can get a book deal, why can’t I? I know that’s not what agents and publishers want to see, but it makes sense to me.
I can write blog posts and magazine articles all day long, but if things become novel related, I can’t write shit. It’s actually getting pretty fucking annoying, if you want to know the truth.
This isn’t going to turn into a bitch session. I swear to God. I’ve had this song in my head lately and it’s because I’ve been pushing myself to sit down and work on the book. It seems as if every time I do, I find some excuse or distraction and end up doing jack crap. In return, the lack of work makes me feel like a complete douche. It’s a vicious circle of despair is what it is.
The stupid thing about this whole fiasco is that I know I can write a kick ass book. I’m loosely basing it on my life as a full-time single dad and I think I get too caught up in the “what really happened” instead of looking at it as a shell for a story.
The stupid thing is I know once I get going a bit and start feeling comfortable with it, I’ll be just fine. I’ll be rollin with the homies and that shit will be on fire. Fo shizzle.
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo
That’s what I’m going to do starting today. I’m going to lose myself in my writing and I’m gonna own this shit. God damn right I am. I’m going to sit down at my Macbook, flip the screen up, plug in my headphones, crank this song all the way up and start banging out some quality prose.
My goal is to sit for two straight hours today and write as much as I can. No bullshit breaks to fix something to eat. No getting too distracted with Twitter running in the background. And no looking for other writing gigs. Just sit down and focus. I can totally do two hours.
I want to start with two hours today and by the end of the week be up to five hours a day. Not necessarily five straight, but five a day. As long as I’m not working, that’s going to be my goal Monday-Friday.
If I can get the novel on the right track, I can start liking this song for another reason. The other reason I dig this song that I often used it on the radio to bug the shit out of my former co-host, Wes the Sports Guy.
Wes is a San Francisco 49’ers fan. I am not. I cheer for the boys from Oakland. I’m a loyal member of the Raider Nation and we think those wine sippin a-holes from across the bay can kiss our silver and black asses. Our dislike for each others team made for some interesting segments. I generally won.
If I felt like I was going to make a Raiders reference at some point during the show, I would get in the studio early and cue this song up. As I started to talk about the Raiders, I slowly brought the music up in the background and he would start getting all hot and bothered.
This song is dope. It’s gangstah and that’s how we roll up in Oaktown. Not only would I bust out the Slim Shady, but I would start bouncing around in front of my mic and would have him rolling his eyes and/or muttering under his breath.
We would have our discussion and get back to the show and it was always good radio. I had so much fun antagonizing Wes with that song. Too bad we’re not working on the radio right now. If you would like Wes & I on a radio station near you, please let me know and we will do what we can to make that happen!
Today is going to be a good day. Today I’m going to stop cock-blocking my book. I’m gonna get some high quality key strokes banged out and I’m gonna feel good about doing it. If you see me bumping around Twitter, Facebook or anywhere else, please feel free to ask if I got my shit done.
I’m leaving you with a small taste of what I’ve got so far. I grabbed a paragraph from a small section I didn’t have to straight up delete.