“Holy crap. No. I’m not happy. Don’t tell me to screw it.”
Wednesday, November 9. 4:37 PM
My 14-year-old Drama Queen stays with grandma on Wednesday nights because I do my radio show from 8:00- 9:30, then come back to my studio to knock out 5 Minute Major. I tell you this, so you can read the next few lines in their proper context. Here is our conversation, word for word. Swear to God. When she said what she said, I was torn between laughing and being pissed. Look and see why…
ME: What up?
ME: “What up.” It means hi or hows it going. I know you know what it means because you say it from time to time.
ME: Are you calling for a reason or just to say hi?
DQ: Can you come hang out with us tonight?
ME: Sorry. I have the radio show tonight. Remember?
DQ: Mmmm hmmmm. (Said with an especially snotty tone)
ME: Is that a problem?
ME: Tomorrow night we’ll have a nice dinner and do something fun.
DQ: Uh…tomorrow night I’m going to the mountains with Dana and Alyssa.
ME: Oh yeah. Cool.
DQ: So. Can you come over tonight?
ME: I wish I could, but I cant just bail on the show.
DQ: Screw it.
ME: Excuse me? What did you just say?
DQ: Uh….forget about it.
ME: (Making a buzzer sound). Try again.
ME: C’mon. You can remember…
DQ: Fine. I said, “Screw it.” Are you happy?
ME: Not especially.
ME: Holy crap. No. I’m not happy. Don’t tell me to screw it.
DQ: OK. Bye. (click)
(I stared at the phone and said, “Apparently we’re finished”)
As I said before, I swear on all things holy that this conversation took place exactly as it’s printed. I have a question for anyone who is the parent of a girl over the age of 14. “I’m pretty much screwed, right?” For my sake I hope not. If it does, I might be tempted to pour a big Jack and Coke and say, “Screw it.” Stay thirsty my friends.
P.S. Who doesn’t love a squirrel with a screwdriver? Am I right?