Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn’t matter if it’s good enough for someone else.
Saturday morning I was sitting down to see if I could write and, as I often do, I clicked on Pandora. I looked at the screen for a moment and perused my options. “Am I in a 90’s Alternative Grunge mood, or would Today’s Alternative Radio be better?” I pondered that question for a moment as I continued to look. I also had 80’s Alternative that seemed to be calling to me, but only from a distance. I could listen to my Zwan channel (a band Billy Corrgan of the Smashing Pumpkins put together between visits to rehab) or to my personal fav, Kick Ass Shit, but neither of those seemed right for the situation.
I decided I wanted something more current and clicked on the Today’s Alternative Radio button and I was off to the races. After the last few seconds of the Harvey Danger song I was last listening to, it kicked to a Vista Print ad, then a familiar song began to play. It was The Middle by Jimmy Eat World. I dig the song and I started listening as I opened Chapter 14 on my computer.
I’ve heard this song 1,000 times over the years, but I will admit that I never paid much attention to the lyrics. For some reason, this morning I really heard the lyrics and to use a tired cliche, “They spoke to me.” I know it sounds like a far-fetched tale, but I was moved by the lyrics of a band that I once called a, “One hit wonder.” To be fair, I called them that until they came out with Pain, then I said they were a two hit wonder. At that moment I was struck by a profound thought. Better to be a one hit wonder, than a no hit wonder.
As I said, I started listening to the lyrics and I was moved by their message. Seriously. I can take a break for a moment if you care to laugh out loud. [PAUSE] OK. Back to the blog post. The lyrics carry a message that I need to hear right now and I was struck by the timing of hearing the song.
Hey, don’t write yourself off yet
It’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don’t you worry what they tell themselves when you’re away.
I’m struggling with believing in myself, but I have to say I’ve been feeling much better lately. I’m actually a bit ahead of where I wanted to be on Sunday night and I’m on a roll that I don’t want to stop. I’ve also noticed that I don’t get down on myself as much as I used to. On occasion I will still ask myself, “What the hell was that?” But Its getting less frequent.
I finally feel like I’m back in my groove and that I’m starting to write like I know I can. It’s a cool feeling and one I hope stays around for a while. Be glad you can’t see me as I bounce around my mancave/hovel/writing area as I sing in my very shitty voice.
It just takes some time, little girl you’re in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
P.S. I’m not calling myself a little girl. I’m just keeping it true to the lyrics and shit. Also, the fuzzy bear in the tightie whities is a nice touch.