7 Relationship Quotes That Help if You’re Being Negged

I was negged over five years ago, but I didn’t realize until last year.

I constantly wanted a certain man’s approval, and I thought that was normal. But as my therapist and I talked more about his behaviors, I learned they weren’t okay.

If you haven’t heard, “negging” is giving someone a backhanded compliment so they crave and work for your approval. It’s a way to exploit people’s emotions so you can feel better about yourself. It comes from the verb “neg,” as in negative feedback.

As you can probably guess, it’s an emotional thing to go through — and to realize you’ve experienced. Here are some quotes that can help, whether you are or have been negged.

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1. “Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone else’s inability to see your worth.” — Zig Ziglar

This quote reminds us our worth doesn’t come from others. Rather, it’s inherent. I know what it’s like to want someone’s approval — believe me, I get it — but know that someone else’s opinions, good or bad, can’t change who you are. You don’t have to chase other people liking you because, frankly, it doesn’t really mean anything.

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2. “Really, you don’t need someone to complete you. You only need someone to completely accept you.” — Rapunzel in “Tangled”

Okay, okay, this quote is from a princess in a Disney movie — but it’s so true. It’s easy to fall into the belief that we need a partner or person who makes us whole, but we don’t.

Instead, we need people who love and accept us for who we are. We need people who don’t manipulate our emotions and make us feel inadequate so they can feel better about themselves.

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3. “If someone doesn’t appreciate your efforts, stop trying to please them. If they don’t appreciate you, they don’t deserve you.” — Unknown

What I love about this quote is how it reminds us of one of the relationship rights we deserve: to be with people who treat us well. We don’t live to please other people (even though doing so can be tempting and a trauma response). We have to live for ourselves.

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4. “The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her.” — Bob Marley

This quote reminds us of three important messages:

People who neg others are cowards. They’re the ones in the wrong.
It’s not okay to make someone feel like they need your approval.
It’s also not okay to use someone and intentionally make them fall in love with you without honest and reciprocal love.

I want you to remember this in your negging relationships, but also always.

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5. “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” — Maya Angelou

When someone is negging you, it’s easy to believe you can just change their mind and everything will go back to the way it should be. But unfortunately, that’s probably not the case.

As this quote reminds us (and as I’ve learned from personal experience), people show us who they are, and we can’t change them — nor is it our job to. We’ll likely be better off if we trust that and move on.

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6. “In a relationship, each person should support the other; they should lift each other up.” — Taylor Swift

If anybody knows the ups and downs of love, it’s Taylor Swift. Her songs have helped me feel better about my relationship struggles — like being “breadcrumbed,” or led on, basically — and this quote can also encourage those of us who have endured negging.

Remember, relationships aren’t about backhanded compliments and manipulation. They’re about love, encouragement, and support. That’s what you deserve, and that’s what you can find with someone else.

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7. “Manipulative people do not understand the concept of boundaries. They are relentless in their pursuit of what they want, and they have no regard for who gets hurt along the way.” — Dr. Anne Brown

While communication and boundary-setting can help a relationship become healthier and stronger, they don’t always work — especially with manipulative people. We can’t change their minds or decisions, and they will continue to hurt us. This quote reminds us of that.

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Takeaways

Ultimately, negging is an unhealthy relationship tactic in which someone tries to feel important by making you think you need their approval. They’ll say insidious things that mess with your confidence so you try to prove them wrong.

And you’re worth more than that.

Remember, it’s not your job to change these people, you deserve acceptance and love, and your worth doesn’t come from others’ opinions. Period.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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