So you’ve met someone who is amazing and she said yes to having dinner with you. High five! But now’s not the time to sit back and relax. You need to prepare if you’re going to slay that first date.
Below are the most important action items you need to focus on to ensure that by the end of the night she feels the same way about you as you feel for her.
- Be in touch ahead of the date. If a conversation ensues, great. But even if it doesn’t, by sending her some texts you are communicating to her that you are thinking about her and looking forward to spending time with her. Keeping in touch ahead of the date is also useful because it creates familiarity and rapport. If you are not a big texter feel free to send her photos (no, not dick pics) or links to articles with one or two sentences with the reason why you sent it to her. Feel free to use emoji but make sure it won’t be misunderstood.
- Do the basics well. If it’s a weeknight keep your suit on (no need for a tie) but if it’s a weekend date you still need to look smart – no flip flops or faded t-shirts. Make sure you’re well rested, you’ve shaved/trimmed your facial hair, use a bit of hair product, and ensure your shoes shine. If you’re going for dinner, confirm the reservation. Also, please arrive on time and don’t look at your phone(s).
- Ask questions. Your choice of restaurant and wine are important but they’ll never be as important as you. She will decide to see you again if you make a connection with her. Asking questions and showing you want to understand her at a deeper level are how you make that happen. Don’t do the small talk thing; go deep. Here are some great questions to ask.
- Share a bit about yourself. You also need to talk about yourself. Sharing similar ideas creates bonds and disagreeing (which is fine BTW) can be fun. You can volunteer information about yourself but take note if she is asking questions too. If she’s not you may be out with someone who is too self-involved to care.
- Flirt. If she said yes to the date that means she reciprocates your interest or at least sees the possibility of romance. As such, you’ve got permission to flirt. If you don’t flirt then why did you ask her out in the first place? Some men are fearful of flirting because they think it will make them look creepy. Making an overtly sexual move or comment is creepy but being playful and teasing with your comments and lightly touching her arm or small of her back will not be considered creepy.
- Pay. Yes, it’s the 21st century and women are well educated, make their own money, and do not need you to pay but…you are better off if you do. It’s not the $$ you spend but the way you handle the situation. Actually, the entire evening she will be observing how you handle all situations—how you interact with the staff, how adept you are at ordering, how you eat, if you make an effort with her, etc. If you’re on a budget then choose a place that is within your means. Maybe a happy hour drink somewhere that offers complimentary snacks or ice cream by Pier 7 after a walk along the water.
- Schedule the next date. If the date went well or you feel you didn’t have the chance to fully get to know her, why not ask her out again before you part ways. This way it’s in the diary, it’s obvious that you’re interested, and there won’t be any ambiguity about the next time you’ll be seeing each other.
- Make sure she gets home all right. A quick text once you’re home says a lot: You’re showing her you are attentive and she’s still on your mind. You can hail the taxi for her and wait for her to get in but, unless it’s necessary, don’t share a taxi home because saying goodbye in the confines of the backseat of a car is super awkward.
I cannot guarantee you following these eight tips will get you a second date but you’re well on your way when you show a woman you are both attentive and smooth. That being said, don’t pursue a woman if you aren’t getting signals from her (e.g. Does she reply to your texts in a timely manner? Is she engaged in conversation? Did she say thank you after you paid? Does she flirt back?) While there are some women who expect a lot of courting and attention before they show their interest, you do not want to get invested emotionally in someone who doesn’t feel for you.
If you have any questions get in touch by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org.
Originally published on Maitre D’Ate.
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