Next week, I’ll be hiking with a girl that I’ve just met. We’ve been talking for over two months and this is the first time we’re hanging out. It’s exhilarating to see her in person finally, but also nerve-racking at the same time because I have no clue how it’ll end up. Will she find me disappointing? Will I find her disappointing? Or would we simply not fit the way I hoped?
The anticipation for first dates is one of the best feelings in life. But sometimes, we get overwhelmed by the uncertainty of whether or not the other person will like us and if the match will work out. And this overthinking can lead to anxiety and unease, making you more stressed than you should be. I’ve found some ways to stay calm so I won’t trip over my own feet.
Don’t spend all night thinking about it
Go in without a script. Don’t plan lines or prepare jokes. Stop thinking so you can be spontaneous and present in the moment. Trust that whatever happens, you’ll respond in the best possible way. It’s when you let yourself go and play that the interaction becomes organic and free-flowing.
Don’t imagine what the day will look like
We tend to romanticize a kiss, a magical moment, or a deep connection. But the actual date is often far different from what you predicted. So just stop pondering about it.
Mistakes are okay
You might say or do something inappropriate or awkward out of nervousness. Unless you’re intentionally being disrespectful, all of that is okay. First dates are a vibing process to figure each other out. What’s worse is being overly self-conscious about stepping on landmines, causing you to play it safe and boring, and not being able to express your fun personality.
Have little to no expectation
Everybody wants to look like a princess and act like a prince charming on a first date. But that only creates more pressure. Just have fun. There’s no need to be your best self. A first date isn’t a presidential election.
Don’t force the connection
Some people are desperate to find a common ground. They’ll ask you if you share the interest they do, or if you come from a similar background so you guys can relate. If it comes up in conversation that they also enjoy skiing, that’s terrific. Otherwise, you sound like you’re trying to speed up the relationship.
Be curious, but don’t bombard them with personal questions because that’s clingy.
Embrace awkward silences
Sometimes the conversation goes nowhere, and it leaves you both staring into the street wondering what you should say next. Instead of manufacturing questions and comments just to fill in the blank spaces, sit in the silence. Just enjoy each other’s presence. It will lead to more genuine moments if you guys are compatible.
Laughter bonds people
Nothing in the world connects two strangers better than a good endorphin release. If you can make them laugh really hard, the date will be a guaranteed success.
Focus on the activity itself instead of fixating on the person
Let’s say you two go bowling. Instead of staring at them the whole time, distract yourself and calm your nerves by shifting some of your attention into the actual game. A friendship style interaction will ease up the tension.
Live your life as usual before and after
Whether you guys go on a second date or not, continue living your life and focus on your priorities. It’s just an experience. Cherish it. Fully be there. If you were able to do that, then whatever the result won’t matter as much. Because you did what you were supposed to do and how much they like you are out of your control.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Matt W Newman on Unsplash