The kind of sex that sells golf clubs and chicken wings is never going to completely fulfill you. Here’s why.
It is probably the most pleasurable experience that human beings have. It excites us, delights us and drives us absolutely insane. We write songs about it, make movies about it, tell lies about it and daydream about it. By some accounts men think about it every 52 seconds. Nothing gives us more pleasure and at the same time causes us more pain than the experience of sex.
The media constantly bombards with images of sex and nudity. “Sex sells” and marketers and advertisers take every opportunity to take advantage of this adage. Companies use sex to sell everything from golf clubs to chicken wings and each year the advertising seems to get more and more provocative.
With this over-proliferation of sexual images one might conclude that everyone is engaged in sex 24 hours a day seven days a week. Not only do we assume everyone is doing it, we also assume that they are actually enjoying doing it! But if sex is so wonderful and pleasurable why are so many people so unhappy with their sex lives? Why is it that married couples tend to have less sex as time goes by? Why do people have affairs for sex when they should have access to all the sex they want if they have a committed relationship? Why do men put so much emphasis on sexual conquests as gauges for their manhood? Why do people have so much difficulty being honest about how they really feel about sex and have to lie and make up excuses for their sexual behaviors and appetites?
I have come to the conclusion that there is one answer that really covers the gamut of most of these questions. This one answer is so simple yet so complex very few people will grasp its implication. The answer is so profoundly simple you probably will not believe it. If you’ve ever wondered why men obsess over sex yet remained unfilled, if you have asked why people have affairs this will answer that question. If you get caught up in power struggles over sex, or wondered why it is so difficult to maintain a fulfilling sex life, this answer will shed light on the reason why.
The reason so many people are so unhappy with their sex lives is because our society has conditioned us to believe that sex is purely a physical experience when in truth it should be an emotional and a spiritual experience. Without the emotional and spiritual aspect of sex, people will always feel as if something is missing. It doesn’t matter if you cause your mate to have powerful orgasm’s that send shivers up and down her spine. It does not matter if you have two-hour erections (dream on) that would make you an instant star in a pornographic movie. If your emotions are not involved, sex will always be empty and unfulfilling. You may experience temporary pleasure but ultimately if you really examine your feelings you will know in your heart that something just isn’t right.
This is why so many men are uncomfortable with cuddling after sex. If you are emotionally and spiritually connected with your mate then cuddling is a continuation of the sexual experience. Opening your heart and mind to the experience will always bring you closer to your mate. But most of us are very uncomfortable with this type of openness and vulnerability. The reason so many of us are unhappy is because we seek physical pleasure without emotional attachment and that is a recipe for addiction. In order to truly experience lovemaking and intimacy we must be able to feel the energy of love moving through us as we connect with our mate. We must learn to open our hearts and expose our true selves so that our partners can emotionally and spiritually unite with us. This may sound like something out of a romance novel but it is an attainable experience if you focus on the emotional aspect of your sexual encounters. Most of us are so committed to “getting laid” and simply “getting some” that we miss out on the most important aspect of sex which is sharing yourself with your mate in the emotional and spiritual act of lovemaking.
The time has come for all men to learn to make love to our mates and not just have sex with them.
Although most men will probably not admit this, we can be terrified of this level of intimacy because in the back of our minds we may be afraid to surrender our hearts to the people we love. Some of us keep up emotional blocks because we are too afraid to have that type of trust and connection. It sometimes seems easier to simply sleep around with multiple women to prove our manhood but the truth is we pay a heavy price for this detached way of behaving. A real man will take the risk and open his heart because in the end he recognizes that true love is about openness and surrender. He takes the risks to love and he is rewarded with love and connection.
Did you know that you could make love to your mate and never physically touch them? If this sounds impossible then you are trapped in the illusion of physical sex. True love is a function of the heart and mind and has absolutely nothing to do with your penis. If you really want to make love, leave your penis in your pants and learn to take out your heart and share it with your mate.
Are you ready for this new conversation about sex?
photo: gnlogic / Flickr