Committed relationships take much time and care to protect. Not just in today’s society, but for as long as there have been relationships. It is easy to take a relationship for granted. It is easy to assume all is well, though, if you have been in a serious relationship, I am sure you will agree that they take ever-loving care.
When you are in a relationship—and when it works well—it is the most beautiful experience two people can share together. When it is not working, clearly one or both of the people were not “getting real” with both themselves and their partner.
So, what can you do to make sure you stay real? I believe getting real in a relationship takes nurturing, trust, understanding, passion, and the basic relationship scaffolding, communication.
Nurturing
To nurture your partner, you are thinking of that person quite often. You do things with them in mind—even when they are not physically with you. You care about the past you have created with them, the future, and the now—the present moment that you are sharing. Going out of your way to see how they are feeling, you support the other and encourage them in what they aspire to do and be. Sometimes you will have to sacrifice your time and let them do what they need to do, though it will make both of you, and your relationship, that much stronger.
Trusting
To trust your mate, interestingly, you need some “self” ingredients—self-respect, self-security, a healthy self-esteem—and outside interests. For your partner to be trusted, you first need to be trusted to love yourself and care to nurture your self too.
The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.
―Ernest Hemingway
Understanding
Understanding the other person is important. Not to rush to conclusions or assume he or she is not doing something because of you. Before thinking something happened in spite of you, give it thought and make the decision to be mature enough to assess the actual situation. For example, if you have been asking your mate to look into something for some time, and you have not heard anything yet, perhaps question why they did not get to it yet. Maybe the reason is something completely different from what you thought. Maybe it is for a better reason than you assumed. Thinking and talking may sound simple, but they are at the crux of getting real in a relationship.
Relationships are mysterious. We doubt the positive qualities in others, seldom the negative. You will say to your partner: do you really love me? Are you sure you love me? You will ask this a dozen times and drive the person nuts. But you never ask: are you really mad at me? Are you sure you’re angry? When someone is angry, you don’t doubt it for a moment. Yet the reverse should be true. We should doubt the negative in life, and have faith in the positive.
―Christopher Pike, Remember Me
Passion
Passion is pretty important in a romantic and committed relationship. How important is it? Well, if there is no passion in a relationship, it is worth wondering if it is more of a partnership or friendship than a romantic relationship. Passion includes intimacy, commitment, and sexual attraction. These components of passion help a couple to “get real” in their relationship—or to assess where the relationship stands.
Communication
Lastly, the main ingredient for a relationship that needs to “get real” is keeping open the doors of communication between both people. It is easy to let resentment, jealousy, anger, or any other unresolved issues build up. The way to move through and past those matters is to talk with each other. Find out if there even is a problem, and see how good it is to work through any problem and come out on the other side with your partner or spouse.
Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.
―Fyodor Dostoyevsky
An ever expanding awakening of communication and conscious giving-and-taking should help the spinning wheels in any relationship looking to “get real.”
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