What matters when I was in a relationship? My partner, always. I always tried to make him satisfied with everything I’ve done for him and it’s a sign to the red flag because I lose myself. Being in a relationship can be great, but it can also be hard, scary, stressful, and full of the kinds of questions of trust and honesty that are downright exhausting.
And I said; goodbye!
When I was gone through a honeymoon phase, sailed into the comfort zone only to realize that somewhere along the way I’ve neglected everyone else in my life. When I was part of a relationship, my time gets divided among many commitments — friends, family, co-workers, etc., as well as my ex’s friends, family, and co-workers, too. Sometimes it feels so daunting because I can’t spend time with friends and family or just people who I truly want to see.
And suddenly, I’m not my person anymore. There’s a certain amount of pressure placed on the idea that my ex is an extension of me, in away. When I think of making plans, I have to think about him and his schedule and what he wants to do. It makes me feel like I can’t value my own time and plans.
But I have stayed because I’m afraid of causing his pain or even scared of causing myself pain. After all, although I’m unhappy, I still love and rely on him. It’s hard to imagine breaking the heart of someone or my own I care so much about and sometimes it seems like it might just be easier to suck it up and stay in a relationship.
After all, it gets to be worse.
The problem is that if you’re trying to convince yourself to stay in the relationship, it means that something needs to change. I’m not saying you have to break up your relationship but in my case, I need to do.
Perhaps, instead of breaking up with someone you love, all you need to do is change the dynamic in your relationship. What is it that’s making you feel dissatisfied? Do you feel that there’s hope for change? The key is to communicate with your partner.
Unfortunately, my ex and I just screwed up the situation and blame each other for every miss understanding of our relationship. So break up was the best decision for both of us. We got hurts, but it relieved all the pain in our chest instead of prolonged the incessant fighting.
Another common reason why we avoid seeking advice for breaking up with someone is that we are afraid of being alone. After so much time having a partner, the idea of suddenly becoming single again is very daunting. But after all the breaking up events and broken hearts passed, I definitely feel free.
This what I do after breakup instead of being sad
Pursue my passion
One way to counteract that stress is to get involved not with someone else, but with something else. So I pursue my passion because it gives me joy and hope. I find hope in the abundance of wonderful opportunities out there.
Go dancing
I came to the club even joining a dance class! you know what they say about a revenge body, it’s so fun. Get loose, act a little silly, and even burn some calories.
Start my journal
One of my biggest mistakes is when I was in a relationship I’ve never cared about my self-development, even I forgot about what I’ve been doing all this time. So I started writing my journal and suddenly it comes to my writing portfolio.
Clean out my closet
This is a big step! Walk away from the past and eliminated stress just by rearranging my wardrobe. Get rid of the stained, the too-small, the out-of-fashion, then check out all that space you’ve created for your new style.
Spend more time with friends and family
Hanging out with them, share the whole year’s stories about my life. OMG, I’m just missing so many fun moments with them.
And more things I truly wanted to do because being single means I have time for myself, treat myself better, and digging out my potential skills and be myself. It might be hard for the first time, but if we are grateful enough, single-phase would feel amazing.
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Previously published on “Hello, Love”, a Medium publication.
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Photo credit: Zachary Spears on Unsplash