Nicole Johnson hopes that the conversation is just beginning.
The diverse and compelling dialogue The Good Men Project has uncorked is just the tip of the iceberg. (I’m not one for idioms, but it’s true!) We are facilitating a shift with how men understand other men, as well as the manner in which men and women relate to each other. I am inspired by our writers on a daily basis. The conversations initiated by our commenters have the ability to influence social change. I am honored to be a part of this meaningful movement.
I am passionately devoted to The Good Men Project. I want the world to celebrate male goodness. I want people to know that every man is not a thief, bully, rapist, murderer, arsonist, pedophile, cheating husband, gang-banger, pick-up-artist, or dead-beat dad. I represent The Good Men Project because I believe in Tom Matlack’s founding purpose for his company. I also represent The Good Men Project because, as a Dating and Relationship Coach, I want every woman in the dating marketplace to know there is an infinite number of good men out there, and I want every spouse to be empathetic to her husband’s manhood.
A recent conversation between a man and a woman in the comment section of my article entitled, Why Men Deserve a Break in the Dating Marketplace, speaks to the significance of The Good Men Project.
A woman asks: Why is it that every time a woman complains about men’s misbehavior it’s turned around on her??? The cold hard truth is that men are very selfish. Men don’t want to be inconvenienced. There are a few men who are generally caring, but they are in a minority. *shrug*
A man responds: Nah, we’ve just learned to avoid women like you.
The woman responds: You mean women are who are caring, giving, and forgiving??? Did you ever think that maybe how I am is the result of being shit on??? Besides, just about every woman I know has the same problems with men, so it’s not just me.
Even though this woman’s generalizations are false, I acknowledge her opinion. I’m happy The Good Men Project gives men and women a platform to express their feelings. Purging is cathartic, but more importantly, these conversations drive additional dialogue. Expansive dialogue broadens people’s myopic perceptions. Through diverse discussions, a shift in consciousness occurs.
When I hear a woman state, “The cold hard truth is that men are very selfish. Men don’t want to be inconvenienced,” I am excited other people can comment on this statement. Present company included.
Are there men who are selfish? Absolutely! Are there men who don’t want to be an inconvenience? Definitely! Should men avoid certain women? Yes! However, in the dating marketplace, there’s an abundance of extraordinary men and women who are selfless and more than willing to give and receive love—without conditions.
Ladies, here’s a fact: there will always be men who are going to ask you if they can insert, “just the tip.” Conversely, there will always be men who pay for every restaurant check (including the tip) without having a sexual agenda. If you are looking for a long-term, committed relationship, it is your job as a discerning dater to dismiss men who are simply looking for sex. Moreover, there’s no reason to fault the men who are only interested in sex.
Scientists can’t reconfigure DNA. There are unavoidable certainties in the dating marketplace. Yes, there are men who are only interested in sex, and yes, there are women who are only interested in becoming mothers. There are men and women who are capable of fidelity, and there are men and women who are incapable of being faithful. Instead of condemning people who do not share your specific dating and relationship goals, avoid them.
Dating is a time consuming, expensive, exhausting process. Who you choose to spend your time with shapes your character. If you are becoming acerbic toward people because you’ve been mistreated, make the decisive decision to stop dating this type of person.
You can’t change people; however, you can change yourself and your approach to dating, love, sex, and relationships.
I hope the conversation I’ve started is just the tip of this iceberg.
—Photo Rita Willaert/Flickr