Letters on Love: Part I

Everything you know about love is a lie.

To my dear friend. To you, whom I love so much, who has been so severely misled and so deeply frustrated.

I’ve thought of you often these past months. I know you’ve been searching for love. You’ve been hoping for it, yearning for it. You’re disheartened, aren’t you? By the constant push and pull. Here you find someone who seems just right, only to learn through yet another heartbreak that you were, once again, mistaken. Your valiant heart has been battered again and again by thwarted desire. You open yourself up bravely, give yourself to vulnerability, dare to hope for more, only to find yourself crushed for the hundredth, thousandth, or millionth time. To have that brave vulnerability tread upon by some thoughtless partner. To be scalded by the flames of passion as they spark to life ferociously and burn out in moments, leaving only ashes in their wake. You find yourself wondering, as you bandage fresh wounds yet again, if it is your fault. If there is something about you that is wrong or broken or not fit for love as you know it can exist — kind and patient and nurturing. We all have these moments, do we not? And indeed, we are all responsible, at least in part, for our pain as well as our joy. However, it is not all your own doing, my love.

You, dear friend, have been unwittingly blinded. The truth has been hidden from you, twisted and perverted and made to look like what it is not. And all the while, the lies you’ve been fed have been dressed up in pretty ribbons, lit up with dazzling lights, wrapped in false promises and presented to you day after day, hour after hour, through neon signs and entertainment screens. They assault you from every angle, tainting your perceptions and expectations. You do not realize it, perhaps, but you have been made a prisoner of these lies. You have been convinced to turn away from the truth. When you see a real example of love — good and true and whole as it is meant to be — you cannot recognize it. You reject it, seeking instead the destructive pleasure that you’ve been told you should desire. You feed on a version of love that has been distilled and processed like table sugar. You ride the flush of adrenaline like spikes of insulin, only to come crashing down again in the end, ill and exhausted. You wonder how you can feel so spent when you’ve been consuming what you have believed — have been told — to be natural and healthy.

You see, my dear, everything you think you know about love is wrong. All the things that you’ve been told are of dire importance are, in fact, trivial. And many things that you’ve been told are trivial are, in fact, of great importance. You’ve been given list after list of the shoulds and should nots of courtship, romance, and relationships, but had the context of these principles stripped away, along with all their significance, as well. All meaning of what makes an action good or bad or relevant or irrelevant has been ignored, and you’ve been left with nothing more than a facade, devoid of its fundamental structure.

You see, the truth is that real, wholesome love — as it applies to yourself and as it applies to your relationships — cannot be boiled down to a checklist. What is good and bad in love has everything to do with intention and awareness and the metaphysical as these crossect with action, and much less to do with how you feel. It is the symbolism behind each act that matters the most. You could, for instance, do everything right, follow all the rules of your should and should not lists, but if your heart is not in the right place, it will all fall apart. Similarly, you can have all the love in the world in your heart, but if you cannot express it through action, all of that love has no meaning.

I know how difficult this must all seem, contrary to common “wisdom.” But trust me when I say that I am here to help you, dear friend. I invite you to take a journey with me and to discover the truth of love as it is meant to exist. Letter by letter, we will unravel the mysteries of this great and powerful force. Gradually, we will come to a better understanding of this elusive creature. Together, we will discover the divine nature of this thing that moves us, as it pertains to the self and to strangers, to friends and to family. Delve with me into the complexities of this force, confounding as it may be. Open your mind and your heart, release your ego, and together we will discover for you all the joy and fulfillment that the spirit of love has to offer.

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Previously published on medium

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