Mildly or often, triggered by cultural norms, cheesy movies, or concerned relatives, you feel pressured to be in a relationship. You get thoughts like, “I’m getting old,” “I’m going to die alone,” or “When will it ever be my turn?”
It seems to you like the right person is in another galaxy. Making things worse, dating around isn’t your thing.
Being single is a wonderful thing, friend. Please embrace it. And doing these three things can help.
1— Purge
Your response to singlehood lies somewhere on a spectrum. At one end is what I call toxic singleness, which is thinking that you’re too good for anybody.
That’s pride in disguise, and pride rids you of opportunities to shine for Christ. It causes you to look down on others. It keeps you from being gentle and loving. It blinds you from just how God-glorifying the prospect of marriage is.
Purge the slightest possibility of lying on this extreme.
How? Pride is total self-reliance. Surrender is the opposite. It is submitting to what God clearly tells you through His word, in your prayers, or through circumstances.
…“but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:4 ESV)
2 — Don’t chase
On the other end of the spectrum is hopelessness and languishing over have-nots.
It’s not healthy to make having a long-term romantic relationship an aspiration in life.
When you single-mindedly pursue that goal without guardrails, you will compromise your values. The enemy spots this weakness and puts little breadcrumbs to lure you away from God. Before you know it, you have uprooted your heart from fertile soil.
You start imposing your expectations on God. You resent Him for your heartaches. You go to church for the wrong reasons, which is worse than not going at all.
It’s not wrong to desire marriage. But wouldn’t it be nice to meet the person of your dreams with God conducting it? Won’t He who positioned the stars and lined up the galaxies fashion events far more wonderful than the movies?
Yeah, it could be 3 years, 10 years, or even 20 years from now. So what? That you pray for would be the most perfectly-timed thing, ever.
“17 Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him.” (1 Corinthians 7:17, ESV)
When we lead the life to which we are called by God, our hearts follow. Our greatest joys come.
3 — Re-focus
Couples in the US, on average, spend about two to two-and-a-half hours a day together, including weekends, according to the Office for National Statistics.
That’s 14 hours a week. Enough time to work on a side hustle, volunteer for a non-profit, or learn a new sport.
Look around you. Which areas of your life can benefit from your care and attention? Which communities can you add value to? What has God impressed upon your heart to focus on?
Choosing to stay single isn’t selfish at all. It’s a shift in priorities toward lifelong pursuits other than marriage. It’s heeding God’s call to serve with your whole heart in it.
So friend, cherish this season. It produces fruit that won’t grow anytime else.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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