Love is different for everyone. We all have memories, good and bad, that influence the way we do and do not want to be loved. It can be really easy to take for granted that other people experience live in the same we do. But this just isn’t the case and this miscommunication can cause a lot of problems in a relationship.
Early on it’s important to begin this discussion. If your partner doesn’t say then ask. Sharing the types of affection that are most important to us will help our parent communicate their love for us in a way that we understand. What does this look like?
I get stressed out about chores and work so I really appreciate when assistance is offered. Cooking dinner, picking up supplies or handling some cleaning are just a few ways that my partner can help. Whenever my partner does some of these things it shows me that he is paying attention to what’s going on in my life and wants to alleviate some of my discomfort.
Some people need more physical touch, some need more conversation and verbal affection. Surprises of flowers and chocolates maybe the best way for another to understand that they are loved. Depending on a person’s past and memories, love could be much more specific. You might stumble across these ways. The best way to be sure your partner understands that you love them is to ask what they need.
You should also share what things are meaningful to you. If you aren’t sure what is most meaningful to them, then pay attention to the things your partner does that leave you feeling warm and fuzzy. Also make note of when you feel neglected or unloved. What is missing when these feelings show up. Be aware for these moments so you can voice them to your partner. Never expect that another person can read your mind.
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