Why Do All My Relationships Suck?

Do you find yourself hopping from one relationship to another without success? Do you feel like you aren’t marriage material because of failed relationships in the past? Maybe you blame all of your exes for things not working out. It’s time that we start looking at ourselves as the problem and focus on what we can control before entering into our next relationship. Unless, of course, you enjoy heartache and pain, not to mention wasting years of your life.

A wise man once said you can never truly love another person without first loving yourself. You will accomplish this by finding out who you are, what you desire, and what you have to offer society. Without going through this process, you will find yourself questioning every decision you make and wondering why you find yourself in the same situations. The simple fact is there are prerequisites to finding love. Without first achieving these steps, true love will continue to be elusive. Here are 3 surefire signs that you are not ready to be in a relationship.

…

1.You haven’t healed from your previous relationship(s)

“Remember that no relationship is a total waste of time. You can always learn something about yourself.”

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

By no means should a man ever into a new relationship without fully being over his last partner. This also includes finding out what part you took in making the relationship unsuccessful. Maybe there were signs that your partner was not right for you, but these signs were overlooked due to physical appearance.

Maybe you stuck around too long because children were involved. Whatever the reason for the failed relationship, it is vitally important that you look at yourself and find the silver lining. This is where growth begins, and the experience gained in past failures will lead to success in the future.

It’s easy to blame others for our mistakes, especially when dealing with relationships. Without accepting responsibility for ourselves, we are destined to make the same mistakes. If you are serious about learning from your past, ask your exes what things you could have done better. This takes another level of maturity, but it will allow you to focus on specific areas of growth. Learn from the past and move forward with optimism.

2. You are struggling financially

If you find yourself living paycheck to paycheck or have serious debt, your priorities should revolve around improving your financial situation. When a strategic plan has been implemented, then you can worry about a relationship. Women do not want to invest their time and energy in a man who is struggling financially. Your financial burdens will also limit your ability to find happiness in a relationship. You should be able to enjoy yourself and pursue a relationship with joy. These things will not be possible if you are not financially stable.

Again, I’m not saying you have to be wealthy to want a relationship. That would be foolish. However, you don’t need any more distractions to keep you from finding true love. It’s hard enough to navigate through the ups and downs of a relationship. Struggling financially will affect your relationship, whether you want to admit it or not. Conquer your financial life and your pursuit of a happy, prosperous relationship will be much easier.

3. You haven’t found yourself (don’t know your purpose in life)

“If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I am living for, in detail, ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the thing I want to live for.”
― Thomas Merton

Look, it would be silly of me to say a young man in his early 20s or younger should have his life figured out and know his purpose in life. Hopefully, these years are spent being productive and laying the foundation for a very prosperous life. A man in his 30s and beyond should be fulfilling his purpose and clearly know who he is as a person.
How does this affect relationships? A man who does not know his purpose will always question himself and any romantic partner he is with. If you don’t know where you are going and what your goals are, there is no way to know what people to surround yourself with.

Many people go through their entire lives getting by and drifting through life without any real meaning. We are not meant to live in this world wasting away like garbage in a landfill. Take control of your life, figure out what you have to offer others. Learn to love yourself and accept your faults while profiting from your strengths. When this happens, you will be able to align yourself with a partner with whom you can grow and have real successes in life.

Building a successful relationship can be extremely hard. It takes time, effort, and trust, among many other things. If falling in love is your ultimate goal, focus on preparing yourself mentally, emotionally, and financially before you enter a relationship. Again, relationships are hard and if you aren’t evolving into becoming the best version of yourself, many unnecessary obstacles will come into play and prevent you from having success. Level-up, build yourself into a person who you love and from there you will be able to reciprocate love to your partner.

…

~Men, let’s encourage each other to get better every day of our lives and focus on reaching our full potential! Stay positive!

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***